Wish didn’t put much time into doing anything for herself outside of work. She was allowed to do so, but mindset and habits are hard to change, even if she had no clue where these habits came from, it just felt natural, a second instinct even. 

When she does take a break, she would go out to the scenery platforms and observe the people around her. Watch how they live, interact with each other, and ponder about her past. Parties, gatherings, and festivals were often held at the long bridges that were connecting the islands; Wish would just watch from afar.

Sometimes she’ll remember her first moments in the Realms, at other times it’s a blur to her. Being uncertain of what memories she could recall or not was confusing. It was like a pond with stepping stones that would irregularly rise and sink. 

Her work didn’t satisfy her curiosity either, and only got herself more intrigued  about her own death. Wish had tried asking around, wanting answers, even trying to schedule a session for herself in the Library. Whenever Gwady came to assess her condition to be fitting or not, it was always denied. Thus, the only way she could get to know about her past was to simply ask people questions; Questions that only Gwadeweido seem to have.  

“Do you remember the party?” The grinning woman would always reply back with a question of her own. Sometimes it was about some party, a description of what the event’s theme was, but it never rang a bell for Wish. Other times, it was about driving, which confused Wish even more, not remembering that she could drive a vehicle at all; though she wasn’t surprised that she could, given her confidence in her learning abilities. Amongst other questions about her job before the Realms, which Wish could only remember constantly flipping through paper, notebooks, folders, but nothing specific jumps out at her. 

“You’re not ready, then.” Gwady would always conclude. “If you were, you’d remember.” Wish wasn’t satisfied with the answers given by Gwady, but had to accept them nonetheless. She went to work with the curiosity of herself, still in the back of her mind. 

“I don’t understand why people take Gwady’s word as gospel, the woman clearly has a screw or two loose up in the head.” Wish complained to Adeina, someone who knew Gwadeweido to a certain degree. 

“She’s unpredictable, but not insane.” The woman in red gave Wish a sympathetic smile along with her reply. She, too, couldn’t really get used to Gwadeweido’s bursts of energy and eerily calm moments. She could never really predict how the grinning woman would react next, everything seemed to come at random without reason; But given enough time, the reasons presented themselves, proving Gwady’s words right.

The two would often talk about the crazy things Gwady would say from time to time. Venting out their frustrations after work, but were always left with no solution to Wish’s problems. Everyday was the repeat of the same things. Wake-up, work, going back to her room, and starting again. An endless routine, like a treadmill, a limbo. Days have passed, and Wish noticed the backdoor entrance being closed again. The stressed out guard had quit, not to anyone’s surprise, many people saw it coming.

Inconsistencies in her memory led to frustration, these feelings bled easily into other parts of Wish's life, her room suffering the most. At first, it was just files and papers scattered upon the table. Eventually, more piled around to include boxes, and other work items. It now mirrored her mental state, becoming messier as time went on.

Eventually, after being surrounded by people with sessions filled with endearing memories they could look back on; Wish became impatient and jealous. She confronted Gwadeweido and asked for a session in the Library. 

“Do you remember the party?” The grinning woman asked, repeating the same questions she had been since the first time. 

“Yes,” Wish replied, but instead of actually recalling a memory, she just used the first scenario of a party that came to her mind. Believing that lying was the only way to get any progress with her problem right now. “It was boring, the people were all snobs, the food wasn’t that great. I regretted joining it, I only went because a friend told me to get out more and wanted to leave as soon as I got there.” 

Gwady tilted her head and stared straight back at Wish with a smile of mockery and sympathy. “Bullshittery will get you nowhere.” 

Wish felt her heart sink when she heard those words. Panic rose when she realized that her lies were found out instantly. Now she needed to make up another one to save face and avoid punishment. Before Wish had a chance to say anything at all, the ginning woman spoke up.

“You’re not ready. If you were, you’d remember.” Gwadeweido concluded, which was no different from what was said many times before. 

Left distraught, Wish dragged herself back home. When she returned, her room was just as messy as her appearance. Papers and cardboard boxes littered the floor. It felt like it wasn’t swept or mopped in months, maybe even longer. The bed wasn’t made, the table was cluttered with various documents, and stains were visible on the walls below the waistline. She had a mental breakdown, falling deeper into depression. 

With a sense of hopelessness, the woman picked up a random pair of scissors on the table and sliced her hair off from where she grasped it. Cutting it from the long, straight hair to a messy short bob-style cut above her shoulders. Wish looked down at her hands, the pair of scissors, and the hair all over the floor. A part of her came to the realization of what she had just done, but another part of her just felt right about it, even if it didn’t change anything for the better. 

Angered and defeated, she threw the scissors to the side. The sharp object sliced through the air, slid across the table, bounced off, and landed on the floor. Wish didn’t even bother to look at the object, the clanging sound was confirmation enough that scissors came to a halt. 

The woman collapsed down onto the floor and hugged her knees. Tears started to drip down her cheek as her mind was bombarded with how unfair her life was. She came to the Realms, thinking it was the next part of life, an after life. As time went on, she began to see it as limbo; and now, ‘Hell’ was the more fitting term to her. 

Wish often found herself starting to envy those who moved on, and hoped she could do the same. With so many of her memories missing, she had a feeling that was her ticket out. That all she had to do was remember everything and finally move on, stopping the suffering she was experiencing in the Realm.