"Yes. I've long given up on you though. As Atsutane told you, I felt bi-curious back then. I know I lean towards women now. It's still interesting to think about what it would be like to go out with you."

What was with his nonchalant smile?! I was freaking out at this new information! The words he's been saying to me sounded too foreign. I couldn't believe he actually liked me in the past?!

"Well... Um... I'm sorry..." Was all I could say.

Shukishi laughed. "What are you apologizing for? It's in the past. I'm happy enough being your friend."

"Still... I had no idea... I was even rude to you back then..."

"It's alright, really. I don't blame you. Perhaps we weren't meant to be either, but I'm sure one day we'll both find someone we truly love."

"Yeah... I'm sure we'll both find someone one day."

"I know you guys can do it!" Atsutane exclaimed.

Later, Anzai and I took a taxi home. He seemed to be quieter than usual. Then he eventually spoke.

"How do you feel about Shukishi?"

"Huh?"

"He revealed something quite interesting. I didn't know if you felt weird or different with him now."

I hesitated, thinking about it. "It is a bit weird... And I almost feel bad like I've been leading him on... But he already figured himself out, right? We'll always just be friends, like he said we are."

He was quiet after receiving my answer. I gazed out the window, thinking back on my high school days to see if I remembered Shukishi acting differently with me. He liked to say sweet things and flirt with everyone... I never thought he actually meant it when he said it to me.

Our usual peaceful days continued since I got some more information on Rikiya. I couldn't help watching him sometimes, still hoping he'd open up to me. I knew that would never happen though. He made that quite clear.

On a day off, I had an appointment at my hair salon to trim my split ends and buy more products to keep my silver hair smooth and shiny. I also enjoyed just chatting with my hairstylist, she was always a fun person. I found her years ago when I was looking around for where to live and open my bar. We clicked immediately and I knew she would treat me and my hair the best. So even though her salon was far away from where I lived currently, I still made the trip through the subway to give her my business.

I had just finished my appointment with her when I made my way to the subway to go home. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone sitting against the wall and I figured it was someone homeless or begging for money. Whenever I saw people like that, I felt so bad for them that I wanted to try to lend a hand. I turned to look at them and that's when I froze.

The person who sat there with a ukulele in their lap and a sign next to them asking for money or anything someone could offer, was someone with bright orange hair and a small figure despite being older than he appeared. It was Rikiya Kanagaki, the one that had been on my mind lately.

He was playing a beautiful tune that sounded familiar but I couldn't quite put my finger on. Someone passed by and offered some cash. He thanked them and that's when our eyes finally met. Panic crossed his face and he immediately stood up. He made a break for it with his sign and belongings, trying to get away from me. I ran after him and managed to grab his arm before he disappeared out of the subway. The train arrived then, causing a ruckus as it hit its brakes to open its doors for passengers.

"Let go of me!" Rikiya yelled among it, trying to pull out of my grip.

"Wait! Please talk to me!"

"I have nothing to say to you!"

"I know you don't like me, I know you hate me, and I know that may never ever change regardless of what I do! But please, I want to help! I care about you!"

"You don't even know me, how can you care about me?!"

"I want to know you! Please let me in and help you! I don't want to see a friend suffer alone!"

"Narihira, get your hand off me already!"

"Rikiya, please!"

We were causing a scene as the train went quiet, but those getting off of it only walked past, eyeing us as they did. Then the train moved again, causing more noise. Rikiya finally stopped flailing as he knew he wasn't going to be able to get my hand off of him. His shoulders heaved in a sigh. He turned around to look at me, tears in his eyes while his expression was clear anger.

"I don't know what you think you can do for me," he said. "Just let go already. I have to do this by myself."

I loosened my grip. "But you don't have to do this alone... Have you told Shukishi that you're struggling?"

Rikiya barked out a laugh. "You think I go whining to Shukishi every time something happens? He's already helped me enough. I can't rely on him forever. I have to learn to take care of my own problems. And that's exactly what I'm doing now so just leave me alone."

I held onto his wrist. "But if it's too much, you can rely on us..."

"I don't want to bother other people with the problems I got myself into. This is all my fault and I'll spend the rest of my life fixing it. It's my burden to carry, not yours or Shukishi's or anyone else's."

"...Will you at least tell me why you're out here?"

"You still want to stick your nose in my business? I hate you, Narihira. I really do."

"...I know." I lifted my head more confidently. "But I can't ignore this and let you suffer alone."

He sighed again and wiped his eyes with his other hand. "You're the worst..."

Even though I'm sure he wanted to run away, he decided to go with me to a restaurant where we took up a quiet corner with a meal I insisted I pay for. We both stared at the food in front of us for a long time before speaking. I waited until Rikiya did.

"So... Yeah, I was begging for money. Why are you out this far anyway? It's like an hour from home."

"I have a hairstylist I go to around here..."

"That's why your hair looks nicer than usual."

"Yeah..."

"Stop acting all depressed, I should be the depressed one! I got caught at such a humiliating moment by the person I despise."

I raised my head. "I'm sorry..."

Rikiya put his chin in his hand and sighed. "Whatever. You want to hear my story? Well I guess you've finally done it, I'm willing to tell you if you'll just get off my back after this."

I nodded. "I'm sorry it came to this..."

"You're not though. I know you're secretly happy it came to this. But whatever, let's get this over with. What did Shukishi tell you anyway?" He leaned back and folded his arms.

"Not much... Just something about keeping you and your family safe."

"So you don't know much and it's eating you alive. Fine then, let's start with my family. I have three younger siblings at home. Our parents abandoned each of us and left us to fend for ourselves. A few years ago, they brought my youngest sibling by our house to drop her off because they didn't want her either. She was barely a newborn and they just handed her off to me, someone who had his hands full with two other siblings, and just finishing high school. My financial situation was bad as is, but adding one more person obviously made it worse. I worked my ass off every day, going around to multiple part time jobs just so my siblings could eat and live a relatively happy life.

"When I was at my lowest point, I would beg. And when I kept hitting rock bottom, I got involved with some people. The danger, you could say. I borrowed money and I have yet to pay them back to this day. The interest rate keeps rising and sometimes I still have to ask for more help, making my debt deeper and deeper. Today I had to make more money to pay them back super suddenly so I decided to beg. I thought I wouldn't run into anyone I knew an hour away from home, but I guess not."

He glared at me while I was speechless listening to his story. I couldn't even wrap my head around any of it and it just kept getting worse as he was speaking. I didn't even know what I could say anymore.

Rikiya dug into his cold food since I wasn't saying anything. I could only stay frozen for a while longer, still trying to make my brain process all of it. Rikiya licked his fingers and yawned.

"Are we done here then?" He asked.

"...Rikiya..."

"What?"

"I know nothing I say will help...but I am truly sorry for the unfortunate events you've had to endure your whole life. I may not even know how to help solve your situation, but I am willing to pay you more if it'll help even a little bit. Even if I can't do more than that, I still want to be someone you can talk to and rely on. If there's anything you can think of that I can do to help, don't hesitate to reach out."

He avoided my eyes. "...okay. Thanks for the food. I'm going home now." He began standing up.

"Wait! I'll pay for your ride home!" I stood up as well.

"Shouldn't we go our own ways now? This is awkward, you know."

"Even if it is, let's get you home safely."

Rikiya was surprisingly obedient as we walked back to the subway. We sat next to each other on the train, him staring out the window while I looked down at my knees. We didn't say another word to each other until we got off.

"Do you need a taxi from here?" I asked.

"...yeah."

We got in the taxi together next. I saw him off to his home which was on a street lined with old shops going out of business and dilapidated houses. We stopped at an especially bad looking house with dead grass and tall weeds around it. We got out together and I told the taxi to wait a moment. Rikiya stood in front of me, still avoiding my eyes.

I pulled money from my wallet and put it in his hand. "Take it. I want you and your siblings to be safe. I'm not sure if this is enough so you can ask for more."

He looked at the money in his hands. "...it's fine."

I wrapped my arms around him and I felt him stiffen up. "Thank you for today. Please be safe."

"...it's not like I can guarantee that. But I'll try."

I reluctantly let go of him. He looked up at me.

"Don't cry," he said.

My vision was blurring before I knew it. I quickly wiped my eyes. Why am I the one crying? He suddenly patted my arm.