SWEET BRIAR | I Wound to Heal

It’s late in the afternoon, and Tsubaki’s sitting at a table by himself in the small campus cafe when the bell of the front door jingles. He hears, “Sorry I’m late!” as Ren comes into view and takes a seat in the chair in front of him. 

“Class was taking forever. Did you wait long?” he asks, and Tsubaki props his arm up on the table to lean on his palm. 

“It’s alright. It’s worth waiting for you, cutie.” He then smirks. “I already ordered your favorite.”

“Oh—!” And they both simultaneously chant:

“A tall, iced Americano with the shots poured over extra ice. Two pumps of vanilla. One of raspberry. Extra whipped cream with caramel drizzle and a scoop of chocolate chips on top!”

“Tsubaki!” Ren sings.

“And…”

“And?”

“Strawberry shortcake,” he chimes, and Ren lets out a tiny squeal.

“I love you, Tsubaki!”

He shrugs his shoulders while wearing a smug smile. “I know.”

Ren devours a fork full of cake, holding his face in bliss from the sweet taste. Tsubaki smiles at the scene as he lifts his phone up, camera open to take a photo.

“You’re always taking photos,” Ren says when he hears the click.

“I like to capture memories. It’s always been a hobby of mine since I was younger.” Tsubaki scrolls through the photos he’s taken in his gallery and says, “It’s fun when you look back at them.”

“Then why not major in photography instead of business?”

Tsubaki tilts his head into his palm and hums, “Well, it’s not like I haven’t thought of that before.” 

He stood up from his seat and moved his chair beside Ren, bringing the screen of his phone between them as he showed his photo gallery.

“I have photos of every place I’ve ever been while traveling abroad. Mainly around Asia, but also the U.S. and Europe—I’ve even been to Africa once … Since I’m the only child in the family—and a son at that—I had some pressures of the family title and corporation put on me, like an image to uphold for my step-dad’s approval. After all, my mom did marry one of the most notable CEOs in the global industry.” He lets out a short chuckle, putting his phone back into his pocket before finishing with, “So that’s why I’m pursuing a major in business.”

Ren catches the solemn look on Tsubaki’s face and lightly tugs on his sleeve before saying, “That doesn’t sound fair, though. You’re an amazing photographer, Tsubaki. If this is what makes you truly happy, then you should be allowed to pursue what you want.”

Tsubaki’s expression melts, and he pats Ren on the head to reassure him. “It was ultimately my decision in the end. I wasn’t forced to. Besides, ever since I told my stepdad I’d be going into business, he fully supported my move and tuition. Photography is still a hobby. So, I guess I have the best of both worlds?”

Ren hugs his arm, giving it a tight squeeze as he says, “As long as you’re happy, Tsubaki. That’s all that matters. So I’ll support your decisions.”

“Thanks, Ren.” And the two smile at each other.

As they sat there with Ren snuggled into his arm, Tsubaki could overhear the baristas behind the counter whispering to one another while their eyes stared in their direction. He taps his finger on the crown of Ren’s head, and he smiles when large doe eyes come up.

“Let’s go get some fresh air.”

✻ ✻ ✻

As the sun begins to align with the department buildings, the courtyard becomes draped in shadow, and the campus lights flicker on while they walk down the sidewalk.

“You’re headed to the library, right?”

Ren hums to agree.

“With Ran?”

And Tsubaki sees Ren look the other way as he says, “Yes.”

“I see it’s going well.”

Ren turns to Tsubaki, a rosy flush on his cheeks as he pouts. “You’re making fun of me.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“Okay, fine. It’s only ‘cause you’re cute when you’re embarrassed.”

“So you were making fun of me!”

Tsubaki laughs. “You’re cute when you’re angry, too—ow, okay.” He rubs his arm after being hit by Ren and tells him, “You’ve been spending too much time with Holly.”

This time, Ren’s the one laughing.

As the building where the library was located came into view, Ren, being a bit eager, waved off to Tsubaki and went on ahead. Just as his hand touches the handle of the door, Tsubaki calls out to him. 

“Hey, Ren.” When Ren looked back, Tsubaki was wearing the same solemn look he had back in the cafe, and he asked, “How did you know he was different?”

Ren lets go of the door handle to face him and draws out a hum. “I’m not sure if I’d say it in terms of ‘knowing’—it’s more like just a ‘feeling’. It feels natural, where I don’t have to try so hard. I like the way things are. It’s comfortable and doesn’t make me overthink or worry. Maybe one day I’ll want more. And maybe one day I’ll have the courage to convey that. But right now, I just feel at ease, and I think that’s okay.”

After seeing the sincere smile on Ren’s lips, Tsubaki lets out a breath of relief that curls into a smile. “You’ve really come so far, Ren.” He then waves a hand to say, “Alright, get on out of here. Don’t keep him waiting any longer than you have.”

“Okay,” Ren giggles. “Bye, Tsubaki.”

“See ya.” He continued to wave until Ren’s figure disappeared behind the door.

After going their separate ways, Tsubaki was walking along the quiet city street, heading home, when his feet paused at a crack in the sidewalk. He crouches down to view a small yellow dandelion sprouting up from within the solid concrete, and he hovers his phone to snap a photo.

“A flower can bloom even in the hardships of their environment.”

His phone begins to ring, and as the name appears across the screen, a small smile draws on his face when he answers the call.

“Yo—Nothing, just heading home after hanging out with Ren—Again? Didn’t we just go to the internet cafe the other day?—A rematch, huh … Fine—Haha, okay, see ya in an hour.”

The phone goes silent as the call ends, and there’s a certain ache that lingers in his chest. That’s when Ren’s words ring in his ears:

“That doesn’t sound fair, though. If this is what makes you truly happy, then you should be allowed to pursue what you want.”

He looks at his reflection in the black screen of his phone just to see his hollow gaze in it, and he lets out a shallow laugh.

“You’re right, Ren … It’s not fair at all....”