Today (Mid-morning)

The sun glared through the side window and blinded him as it rose steadily in the sky. Theo frowned and unhooked the sun visor from the ceiling to swivel it so that it blocked the bright rays of light. Then he let his arm fall across the windowsill again, enjoying the rush of cool air across the hairs on the top of his forearm and the warm press of the metal car door underneath.

Corn fields striped the rolling hills that stretched in every direction, sliced by the black ribbon of highway that they coasted along. The engine’s rumble and wind blowing in the open windows drowned out any other sound. But Theo imagined that if he were sitting quietly among the rows of crops, he would hear the rustle of the corn stalks, the chirping of cricket, and the sunshine beaming down on him.

“Do you want a snack?” Abel asked.

Theo turned to frown at him. “We just had breakfast.”

“A couple of hours ago,” Abel twisted his torso, leaving one hand on the steering wheel and reaching into the backseat with the other. His shirt stretched across his chest, sleeve riding up to show off his arm’s soft, pale underside, crisscrossed by a patchwork of stark black tattoos. The spicy scent of his deodorant filled the space between them. Theo bit his lip.

“I could go for a snack,” he murmured.

It was his sex voice, which had Abel looking immediately from the road to his face. He smirked and glanced in the backseat to finally grab whatever he was pawing around for, then lifted the bag of snacks into the front and dropped it into Theo’s lap.

“You horndog,” he teased, “I meant actual food.”

He grabbed one of the granola bars and opened it, the heels of his palms braced on top of the wheel to steer as he used his fingers. Theo poked around in the bag, then decided to eat the rest of his breakfast burrito before it went bad. He couldn’t rip it up and eat it the way he had earlier without making a mess, so he ate it as neatly as he could manage while it was rolled up.

The fields suddenly gave way to a small town. Their speed slowed as they passed the conversations and coffee aromas spilling from the open doors of cafes lining a cute little main street. Theo twisted in his seat to watch a dog tied to one of the metal tables on the sidewalk where its owner sat reading a book.

“This town has a petting zoo if I remember correctly,” Abel said as they slowed to a stop at the town’s singular cross light.

“Really?” Theo licked his fingers and crumpled the burrito wrapper. “A petting zoo? How does that work? They let people pet tigers and monkeys and stuff?”

Abel turned fully in his seat to gawp at Theo, jaw dropped. It was serious enough that he removed his sunglasses. Theo looked away, down at the snacks in his lap, and twisted the bag’s straps around his fingers—embarrassed because, apparently, he had said something stupid or abnormal again.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Abel told him. “I’m just surprised. Have you never been to a petting zoo?”

“I’ve been to the zoo,” Theo mumbled.

“Baby, a petting zoo is a little different. They have farm animals, like goats, alpacas, and rabbits.”

Theo pursed his lips. “I’ve never been to one of those. What’s an alpaca?”

The person behind them beeped. Abel jumped in his seat, and they both looked up to see that the light was green. He pulled through the intersection.

“They are like llamas, kind of.”

“Oh.” Theo nodded. “And they let you pet the animals?”

“Yes. Would you like to go to this one?”

Theo thought about holding a little bunny rabbit in his hands and stroking its soft fur. That sounded nice. He kind of wanted to know what an alpaca looked like, so he pulled out the new phone that Abel had bought him before they left on their trip and tapped alpaca into the search. They looked fuzzy like sheep, had long necks, and had silly expressions on their faces. He immediately wanted to meet one.

“Theo?”

He hummed and looked over at Abel, who was glancing between him and the road with a patient expression. “Oh! Yes, please. Can we go?”

“Sure.”

The zoo turned out to be right off the side of the highway, just past a big billboard sign announcing its presence. The billboard had huge pictures of little goats, which made Theo sit forward in his seat. Abel smoothly pulled into the gravel parking lot and had barely parked before Theo bounded out the door. He rounded the back of the car and bounced on his toes with hands tucked into his pockets so he would not look like a complete spazz.

Abel stepped out of the car, standing to his full height, cracking his back before locking the doors and then offering a hand to Theo. Theo slid their palms together and sidled right up beside Abel as they walked. He squinted at Abel’s sunglasses, which had made their way back onto his face.

“Could I have a pair of sunglasses?” He asked.

“You want these?” Abel immediately reached for his face, but Theo shook his head.

“No, those are yours. I’d like my own.”

“Alright.”

The lot was pretty full, sunlight glinting off the chrome and windows despite the constant dust hanging in the air after being kicked up by tires. A grove of trees hid the area behind the entryway – a ticket booth and information desk. They made their way through the ticket line, which was surprisingly busy given that there had been little traffic on the roads.

“It’s a Saturday. And they probably just opened,” Abel informed him, which did not mean much to Theo. He never measured his time in days of the week. His life was just one long string that he was dragging himself along. Until recently, that was.

Abel did all the talking with the woman selling tickets, putting on his charming smile. It was the one that he wore when he was at work. Theo saw it the few times he went to the bar and hung out in the shadowy corners beneath the neon lights to watch from across the pool tables and rowdy conversations as Abel handled a cocktail shaker and flirted with customers. It brightened his entire face, showing off his pearly whites and sinking dimples into his cheeks. And it made Theo’s chest constrict. He blushed and looked down at his feet.

The woman was equally charmed, and despite the discrepancy in their appearance from that of the other visitors—who were mostly families with small children, as opposed to two men with piercings, one covered in tattoos and the other with bleached, fading blue hair—she treated them kindly. She did not even look put off by the bruises on Theo’s face.

“Here you go, honey,” she wrapped a blue paper band around his wrist, careful not to touch his skin until she tapped the sticky end to ensure it was secure.

“Thank you,” he said, battling the urge to hide behind Abel and peer at her like a little kid. Ever since this road trip had started, the urge to cling and hide and pout had been constant. Abel did not help by putting one of his big arms around Theo’s shoulder to guide him into the zoo proper, making it easy to hold onto his shirt and nuzzle into his shoulder.

What are you – a dog? Stop following me around. Pathetic, honestly.

Theo tensed and tried to draw away. He was not a dog. He was a human being. But he was not really that either. Just an animal. Look at you, driven by instinct, a bitch in heat. Just a filthy fucking animal. Not even a dog – people loved their dogs and wanted their companionship. He was just a wiggly worm to be impaled on the end of a fishhook. Demon-bait. Because he was not one of them either. He could never be like Ken and the others. He was just their little toy. That was it. He was not a dog. He was a dog’s chew toy.

The line of tension that snapped into Theo’s shoulders did not go unnoticed by Abel. He squeezed him closer to place a kiss on the top of his head and then let him go. He unfolded the pamphlet they had been given. Inside, there was a map.

“What do you want to see first?” he asked, drawing Theo’s attention out of his spiraling thoughts.

Theo blinked at it. “I don’t know.”

“Well, it looks like you can pretty much just follow this path,” Abel’s finger traced it on the map, “so let’s do that.”

The very first animals were goats. They were tiny, about as tall as Theo’s knees, and looked more like toys than actual living creatures. Visitors could feed them inside the enclosure with a handful of hay. When Theo tried to tug Abel in with him, he gently refused and stayed outside the fence ring. He braced his forearms on it and watched as Theo stood at the edge of the ring and clutched the hay to his chest.

“Offer the hay to one of them,” Abel prompted.

The goats were currently swarming a couple of children, who were shrieking with delight and handing out hay under the supervision of their parents. Theo wished Abel would have come inside with him, but he reminded himself that Abel was hardly his parent and Theo was not a child. So, he took a deep breath and walked forward.

Several goats immediately hopped toward him, bleating and peering up at him expectantly. He stared down at them in awe and slowly offered the hay. As they chomped and nibbled at it, he laughed in delight.

“Abel, their eyes are so strange,” he said, looking over his shoulder. “Goats have demon eyes.”

“You know they aren’t actual demons, right?” Abel’s fond expression made Theo’s insides wriggle. One brow was lifted, and his lips were curved into a gentle smile. He did not often try to rationalize the crazy things that Theo said, but occasionally, he tried to gauge whether Theo was in his right mind or had dropped all his marbles for the moment. He was probably worried because of Theo’s sudden mood shift earlier.

“I know,” Theo said, like, duh, then just to tease Abel a little, tacked on, “Cats are an entirely different matter, though.”

Abel rolled his eyes and grinned off to the side.

They moved down the path past pigs, more goats, mini horses, full-sized goats, and a rabbit hutch. Theo got to hold a rabbit in the palm of his hand and stroke down its head between its soft, quivering ears. Abel had his phone out the whole time, snapping pictures of him with different animals. He was not interested in touching them for the most part, except when Theo threatened to burst into a temper tantrum if he would not pet the damn bunny.

There were, of course, the alpacas, which looked as silly as Theo expected, and turtles, and sometimes things that were just for looking at and not touching. As they walked, a group of chickens pecked around on the path. They were seemingly uninterested in the visitors milling about unless a stray child lumbered toward them, and then they scurried away.

Theo threaded his fingers through Abel’s. They were going to be dried out and cracked from all the hand sanitizer and washing stations he had put them through, but he did not care. Abel’s palm was warm against his, and his shoulder was strong where he leaned his head against it. He smiled up at the sun, which was beginning the final stretch of the climb to its peak in the sky.