A Ranker’s Guide to the Good Life
Chapter 9

Every Korean knows how terrifying it is to hear the sound of birds in the morning. It generally means that they missed their alarm and woke up late for work or school. As they stare out their windows with bloodshot eyes because they failed to fall asleep early the night before, they listen to the birds.

The birds living on the Korean peninsula have an awful habit of chirping brightly and cheerfully when things are about to become especially bad.

“Hey... Celestial... Turn off that alarm,” Jio grumbled while waving her hand in the air.

She sometimes acted as if her astral being was actually an AI assistant. Not only were the birds noisy, but there was also something shining in her face.

Wait.... Birds? Birds don’t chirp during the day, do they?

The perpetual college exam taker would wake up at eleven in the morning on days that she wanted to get an “early” start. Otherwise, she would stay in bed until around two or three in the afternoon.

Come to think of it, those chirps sound a little too artificial to be real birds… She then felt a chill run down her spine as she opened her eyes and thought, No wonder...

[All leaderboards have been updated.]

[Jio Gyeon, your current domestic ranking is #2, and your global ranking is #4.]

Jio was puzzled, to say the least.

“Am I dreaming?” she asked aloud.

Yeah... This has to be a dream. And a totally messed up one, at that... she thought as she pulled the blankets back over her head.

Then her phone buzzed.

[11 missed calls]

[34 unread messages]

Wow... My inbox is blowing up. This dream seems so real! Maybe it’s one of those... What’re they called? A “dream within a dream”?

Marveling at how authentic everything seemed, Jio reached over and unlocked her phone.

[Mom’s son: Hey!] 07:24 A.M.

[Mom’s son: Hey, are you busy crying right now?] 07:24 A.M.

[Mom’s son: (emoji)] 07:24 A.M.

[Mom’s son: LMAO oh man...] 07:25

[Mom’s son: I knew this day would come LOL] 07:25

[Mom’s son: All you did was sleep while everyone else worked their asses off. Didn’t I warn you? You might as well be a mummy with how little you leave your bed. Man, this feels good! Guess there’s still justice in the world, haha!] 07:27

[Mom’s son: Don’t get any self-destructive thoughts or anything though, okay?] 08:13

[Mom’s son: Sis...] 08:13

[Mom’s son: Listen, no one stays at the top forever. Part of life is having to move up and down the ladder, ya know?] 08:32

[Mom’s son: To be honest, you were just TOO good from the start] 08:35

[Mom’s son: Just come home. Mom even made sausages just the way you like them] 08:39

[Mom’s son: Jio Gyeon!] 09:11

[Mom’s son: Where the hell are you? Call me right now!] 09:11

[Mom’s son: If you don’t respond or call me by this afternoon, I’m exposing your identity on the global channel, then putting out a wanted poster] 09:15

[Mom’s son: I’m not kidding. You’ve been warned] 09:15

[Mom’s son: I’m dead serious this time] 09:16

What the hell? Give me back first place! Did I really just get pushed down to second?! Jo is #2 in Korea now?!

“Hey, Big Sis, explain!”

You said I’d never have to stress about rankings. You said everything would be a breeze. So you swayed me when I was just an innocent grade-schooler with all those sweet promises, and this is what I have to show for it now?! You’re the most worthless celestial I’ve ever heard of.

[Your celestial Fate Reader expresses pain at the sudden flurry of insults first thing in the morning. He complains that although he did promise you those things, he never imagined you’d refuse to climb the Korean tower even once in ten whole years.]

Whatever...

She had no time to listen to the traitor’s excuses. Although it hadn’t fully sunk in yet, it was a truly shocking incident.

Ever since Jio had become a high-ranking hunter and registered in Babel Network, no one had ever pushed her out of the #1 spot. She sat up with a serious look on her face. Because she tossed and turned so much in her sleep, her shoulder-length hair looked a lot like a crow’s nest.

She opened the ranker channel to see that it was also going wild. Everyone was beyond ecstatic about the shocking turn of events. It was only after she checked the domestic rankings, the global rankings, the hunter intranet, and every channel she thought was relevant that she noticed the timer in the corner of her vision.

[Tutorial]

[Opening Soon... 00:02:15:49]

Two hours...

The fortieth tutorial week would start at noon that day. Tutorial weeks happened twice every year, and were the main source of new hunters. Thus, they basically functioned as a national event for each country. Not only were the days they opened considered national holidays in Korea, even the local Babel tower would temporarily close all of its other floors with the exception of the square.

On top of that, the current tutorial just happened to coincide with the opening of a floor that ended in “9.” Those who had been sitting on their tickets would be rushing to get in.

Everyone in the ranker channel and the intranet was talking about the tutorial and the change in rankings. Jio walked over to read the note that had been left on Dohyeon’s fridge. Even the young man’s handwriting was handsome.

I made you some fried tofu pockets, so help yourself. There’s also some fresh apple juice in the fridge. If you need anything else, I left my credit card here. See ya.

PS. Don’t eat all the ice cream in one day.

PPS. Brush your teeth if you eat a snack before bed!

Guess he didn’t leave that long ago, she concluded as she set down the note.

Her hands were tearing off the cling wrap before she even finished reading the note. Before long, she was on her third tofu pocket. As she chewed her food, she slowly thought over her situation again.

There were a few things she needed to do right away. First, she needed to find out how the ranking upheaval had come about. Second, she needed to contact Bambi sometime that afternoon. At the very least, she had a pretty good guess where the god-awful person who had taken her precious top spot would be.

She also had to deal with her brother.

Hmm... Is that really my only option?

[Fate Reader rushes over to agree with you. Anxious that you might change your mind, he begins to mutter a prayer that you don’t.]

Ugh... I get it, okay?

She scowled as she put down the empty plate, then trudged into the bathroom.

* * *

“Excuse me, sir. Are you expecting visitors today?”

“Don’t be absurd. The tutorial’s about to start,” a man said.

“Apologies. We weren’t informed of any visitors, and the security desk in your building just asked me to confirm things with you.”

“There’s a visitor downstairs?”

“Yes, sir. I shall inform them that you aren’t expecting anyone.”

“No, no. I’m sure the secretarial team is busy too. I’ll see to it myself. Put me through, please.”

As the line was connected, the man lit his cigarette.

“M-Mr. Vice President, sir! I’m very sorry to bother you at such a busy time. Forgive m—”

“Since it’s clear that you know I’m busy, cut the small talk and get to the point.”

“Ah, yes! O-of course! There’s a visitor asking for you in the lobby. She’s not on our list, but she insisted we ask because you’d recognize her name. We tried to turn her away without disturbing you, but she’s a young civilian, so we weren’t sure of the protocol...”

I’m gonna have to make some serious changes to the security team.

“So what’s her name?” the vice president asked in an annoyed tone.

There was murmuring coming through the speaker, then the security guard answered in a hesitant tone, “She said her name is... ‘Gyeoni.’”

“Never heard of her. Send her away.”

He crushed the stub of his cigarette in the ashtray on his desk, then rose from his seat looking painfully bored. It was late morning, so there was a moderate amount of sunlight shining into the spacious penthouse. The man hesitated as he walked through the warm rays of sun toward his bathroom.

“Gyeoni”? Wait a second... “Gyeoni” as in “Gyeon”?

“Hold it.”

“Yes, sir?”

“Just stand by. I’ll be right down.”

When he stepped out of the elevator, there was still commotion underway in the lobby.

“You need to behave yourself, miss. If you keep this up, we’re prepared to use force if necessary.”

A petite girl in a hoodie was crouching on the floor as the huge security guards were pleading with her to get up. The vice president found the sight so humorous that he leaned against a nearby pillar and crossed his arms. He was interested to see how the standoff would end.

“You a hunter?” asked the girl.

“That’s right, little girl. I am,” the guard answered.

“Uh-huh. Well, I’m a civilian.”

All the guards fell silent.

“Any one of you touch me, and you’ll end up in the clink, got it?”

“Goddamn it...”

After a series of disgraceful crimes were committed in the past, both the laws and punishments relevant to hunters became far more severe. Even so, hunters had a certain intimidating air about them, so most people knew to get out of their way without being asked.

The girl, however, seemed to be an exception. Despite her small frame, there wasn’t the slightest hint of fear in her eyes. The guards began to look as if they all simply wanted to go home. Then the youngest among them finally stepped forward impatiently. It was apparent that his young age afforded him a false sense of bravado.

“This has gone far enough. At this rate, we’ll never see the end of this! I’ll take responsibility for any repercussions. We can’t let this go on in the lobby! The residents pass through here at all hours. Hey, girlie! Listen up!”

Oh, man... Get a load of this guy.

The young guard who had stepped forward menacingly while rolling up his sleeves was suddenly backing away.

The little girl who had been crouching in front of them was now dangling from someone’s hand like a lion cub being carried away by the scruff of its neck. The guards gasped, then the entire lobby fell silent.

While the young guard stood rooted to the ground, the others snapped to attention with nervous looks on each of their faces.

“M-Mr. V-Vice President, sir!”

“All of you back to your posts. I’ll deal with her. She’s a bit spoiled, so... she doesn’t listen to just anyone.”

The man, still holding the collar of her hoodie, kept one hand in his pocket with ease. Not even the thin, white T-shirt he was wearing looked rumpled from handling the unruly visitor.

He looked like he was just stepping out to go to the convenience store, but none of the guards were foolish enough to risk looking down on him. He was the vice president of Silver Lion, the undisputed top guild in Korea, and he ranked seventh in the nation.

Many knew him as “Ghost King” since he controlled spirits and served as a spokesperson for all manners of monsters and fiends. She, however, preferred to call him “Tiger.”

He tilted his head as he looked down at her and asked, “Isn’t that right, Jo?”

* * *

Jio had unlimited access to not one, but two credit cards. One had been her brother Jirok’s backup card, which he had lent to her out of pity without their mother’s knowledge. Unfortunately for her, it was no longer usable.

The other was a surprise gift she had received after just turning seventeen. It was a notorious black card with no credit limit to speak of. Unlike Jirok’s card, which she had used without pause, the VIP card frightened her. She made sure to use it sparingly at convenience stores, to buy fried chicken, or in the case of actual emergencies.

That all made sense since Tiger was the man who had given her that card.