I can’t die. I physically couldn't.

It’s something I’ve figured out on more than one occasion. But in that moment, I didn’t feel all that dead yet, but also not quite alive. Then again, I was never entirely sure what either was supposed to feel like.

“Don’t you feel cold out here?”

Whose voice was that?

My vision was a dense fog, everything appearing as a blur of shapes and dark colours. I narrowed my eyes, trying to focus and gain any sort of clarity. There was a vague outline of a figure moving next to me.

As my sight became more clear, I realised it was a man. I didn’t recognise him, but he felt familiar. Too familiar, almost strangely so, like we’d already met a thousand times before. His blue eyes looked down at me as he wore an expression I couldn’t quite understand.

He took his coat off before draping it over my shoulders. The way he did it was casual, and yet so gentle in a way completely foreign to me. His fingers faintly glided against the surface of my skin, the heat from him lingering for just a moment before he quickly moved them away. Without saying anything else, he took a seat beside me on the porch with about an arm's distance between us.

“You’ll get cold,” I said, but those words had come spewing out of my mouth seemingly without my consent.

What on earth…

“I’ll be fine.”

I tried to move, but I couldn’t. I wanted to ask this man who he was and where I was, but my lips refused to even open. It was as though I was no longer in control of my own body.

I couldn’t do anything as we continued to just sit in the cold together. The moon above us offered a faint glow of light that illuminated our surroundings. Trees lined the exterior of the property, extending into a forest as far as I could see. They acted as walls that hid us from the rest of the world.

I glanced over at that man. He didn’t appear that old, probably no older than most of the soldiers I’d met, but he seemed tired. His hair was a dark shade that edged on a grey tint when the moonlight shone on it. It gave him the impression of being older than I suspected he was.

“Did those memories come back again?” he asked, his voice low but calm. My gaze unwillingly fell to the ground, resting on the soil beneath my shoes. I couldn’t even control where my eyes moved.

“Does it matter if they did?”

“Well, you only come out here when something’s bothering you.”

Even though I’d just met him for the first time, he spoke as if he knew me on a deeper and more personal level than a stranger should.

“And you can read me that easily?”

“It’s not hard to read someone after a while.”

A few seconds of silence washed over us as my body refused to respond. His gaze was fixed on the sky, flickering between stars and constellations. There was a sort of mellowness in those eyes, a weariness I again couldn’t understand.

“It doesn’t matter if they came back. I don’t need those memories, nor do I care about them.”

He turned towards me with a steady gaze. “If they don’t matter, then why do they bother you so much?”

“They don’t.”

“Are you sure? It seems like they do.”

“You’re bothering me more than they are right now,” I snapped at him. He grew quiet, his eyes still on me but with a more solemn look in them. A feeling of guilt unwillingly surged in my chest. I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

“It’s alright, I know you hate people worrying about you,” he said, offering me a faint smile as his eyes softened. No one had ever looked at me like that. “But I can’t help it with you.”

My fingers tightened over the edges of his coat, pulling it tighter over me. There was a faint smell reminiscent of a smoky fire that radiated off of it. It was the same scent that I could smell from him.

“You might get sick if you stay outside,” I said.

“Then come back inside with me. I’m not going to leave you alone out here.”

Alone.

Just who was this man to say such a thing to me? As if being alone was something I had to worry about. To be abandoned and yet expected to return like an obedient dog was a routine. No one ever had a reason to promise me otherwise. In all honesty, his words were almost insulting.

And regardless of what this body of mine said, I didn’t believe anything that came out of his mouth. It was just words after all.

And yet, there was a certain sincerity in his tone, a conviction so unfamiliar to me. This heavy feeling rose in my chest—a compulsion that urged me to believe his words. It was as though my body and thoughts were disconnected and entirely unsynchronised, acting in opposition.

But without saying another word, he stood as his eyes lingered on me expectantly. There was something striking about them. Those eyes that resembled the endless expanse of the sea; a vision of waves crashing against each other in a flurry. But they held a steadiness to them, offering a quiet comfort. It was paradoxical, but only in a way that compelled you towards them faster.

I watched as he turned to face the front door to the house, his footsteps echoing against the wooden floorboards. I wanted to follow, I wanted an answer on who exactly he was. But, I remained paralysed in my place.

Wait.

I tried calling out to him, to tell him to stop, but the words couldn’t leave my throat. He just kept walking further away as my vision began to obscure again.

Don’t go.

But he still left, fading further away and out of my grasp.

—

“So? How is she?”

There was a faint chatter in the room, a noise that slowly stirred me awake. My body ached and every muscle throbbed underneath my skin. My eyelids also felt heavy, twitching as I struggled to open them.

What was that just now? A dream was the only feasible explanation I could think of. And yet, it felt like more than just a dream. It was too vivid, too real. And that man…

Since when did I start fantasising about random men in my sleep?

“She recovered rather swiftly as you thought she would. A bit malnourished, but overall as healthy as anyone else her age.”

Where the hell was I?

The first thing I noticed as my eyes flickered across the room was a warm, golden light filtering through the curtains. It made me wince as I tried to adjust to the brightness. The second thing was the rather sterile interior of the room, the walls painted a dull white.

“That’s a relief to hear. And no one else knows about this, correct?”

“Yes, sir. I did as you asked. I was the only nurse attending to her so no one else is aware of her… condition.”

I could make out two distinct yet unfamiliar voices nearby, a man's and a woman’s. My vision was still foggy with vague shapes blurring into one. Even with my muscles still feeling strained, I managed to slowly wiggle my toes. My legs were back.

I clenched the bedsheet underneath me, trying to ignore that dull yet persisting ache, as I attempted to stand. I gripped the edge of a nearby bedside table, using it as a support as I tried to steady myself.

As my vision wavered, I could make out bandages and a pair of scissors resting on the table. But just as I was about to take a step forward, my head was hit with a feeling of dizziness. I lost my balance and collapsed to the ground with a loud bang as my body hit the bedside table.

“Woah, careful there!”

I immediately flinched as a figure rushed towards me. Without hesitating, I instinctively grabbed those scissors. My muscles felt weak and my fingers shook as I gripped them hard. I barely had the strength to even hold up my hand.

That man who was just about to come over froze in his place. His eyes moved cautiously down towards my hands as I held the scissors out in front of me, almost daring him to come closer to see what would happen.

“Easy now, how about you put that down?” he asked, his voice low but cautious. He kept a watchful eye on me as he took one slow step closer to me. But that only made me tighten my grip. I glared at him, my jaw hardening, as I ignored the pain of the scissor’s sharp handle digging into my palm.

I quickly looked him up and down. He wore a simple brown vest—perhaps a few shades darker than his hair—over a muted white shirt. It was lax and clearly not a military uniform. My eyes then flickered to the woman next to him—she was wearing a nurse's uniform—before they again shifted towards the door behind them. It was the only exit to the room.

I then glanced at the window. It appeared we were several stories above ground level. While I considered it, I wasn’t confident I would be able to break through it, jump out, and then run in my current condition.

I gritted my teeth, trying to suppress the beating in my chest that grew louder as the adrenaline rose. I glanced between the pair in front of me. There weren’t any guns or weapons visibly on them.

I reversed my grip on the scissors, about to try and stand again with every intention of forcing my way out of the situation when he suddenly raised his voice, giving a stern command.

“Put that down now, soldier!” he ordered loudly, his voice raising as an authoritative tone took over. It was one I was far too familiar with.

And I wasn’t ever allowed to disobey an order.