“You there! Yeah, you with the red hair!”

“…Huh?”

“I’m talking to you! Come up here right now!”

My eyes are open. I’m alive.

“Redhead! I’m talking to you!”

Redhead? I don’t have red hair. Why are they looking at me? I’m…huh?

I’m in a classroom. The blackboard has…math. I hate math. I never really wanted to take this as a major. How do I…what is a seco…sec 0?

A rapid tapping of a ruler gets my attention. I look up to meet the faraway eyes of a very stern looking professor. She’s got a giant mole on her eye, it looks gross.

“Stand up, I said!”

I get up with a start. The sound of my rusty desk startles everyone. I’ve cracked the wood on accident. Oops? I don’t remember my desk being so flimsy…did I use that much…force? My eyes drift to the crack on the table. When did my skin have so many patches? Wait, was I always this pale? I could swear I’d tanned in the sun this year. I flip my hand over and see a couple of scars on the wrist. This…This is not my hand…

‘Student, 18. Math major, no family.’

…!

I look around wildly to see if Sika’s anywhere. I can’t make out…that’s right. I have a different body. He probably does too.

“I told you to get up here!”

A duster hits my head with a thwack. I glare at the teacher who threw it.

I. Want. To. Go. Home.

“That’s not how it works, kid.”

I almost yelp from the splitting pain in my head. It’s that…that god! I can see him nowhere but his voice rings loudly against my forehead, a burning pain seethes between my eyebrows.

“Listen up. The condition for the life-trial is that you live it the best you can under the given circumstances. Lookie there. Sika’s doing good.”

I look to the right. A young brunette gets up, walks to the blackboard and begins solving the equations without a hitch. The teacher’s gaze is momentarily distracted. That’s Sika? That’s the man who sketched seventy seven blueprints in a week and ate gummy worms for a whole semester?

“That’s right, congrats, you get a star. Your friend wanted you to be here with him while he tries his new life out.”

But what about my life?! My original one?

“Well, if he likes a life and wants it, you’ll be stuck with him too–bound together like two peas in a pod–two needles in a haystack! These are the lives of mortals who put their names into the G*blet of F*re–just kidding!”

Fucking, tell me what is going on, God!

“Ooh, you called me ‘God’! I’m pleased, much pleased, mortal. Your little friend will be so happy to have you with him!”

What? What the hell are you on about? I never signed up for this shit. I was alright with Sika trying it out, but not me! In fact, from the very beginning, all I wanted to do was check up on my friend and go back home.

“Tsk tsk, too bad kid. Too bad. You gotta live this life now. Toodles.”

Hey! How do I get back? Hello?

What the hell?!

Is this what gods are like? They’re pretty shitty. I need more information, but I no longer hear any voice. The hit from the duster still hurts, but the lingering nausea is far more prominent. A student next to me taps my desk and whispers, “Hey, Robert, you’re alright, aren’t you? Shall I accompany you to the infirmary? You seem like you want to throw up.”

Who’s Robert? Me? I look down at my desk. I have a notebook. I didn’t notice. ‘Robert Thomson’. That’s the name of the person whose life I did not want to usurp. I must have lost balance, because the student grabs my arm and leads me out of the class.

Sika? I glance over to the brown-haired boy as I’m dragged out.

Not a single glance.

He didn’t even look at me.

He’s my…best friend…

No I shouldn’t expect much…but why can’t I? I was thrown into this without a warning, he didn’t seem to care for what I wanted at all. Or did he misunderstand? I–

“You feeling better, Robert?”

I look up at the young girl, she’s quite pretty. “Yeah, thank you…Ray?” Her name badge says ‘Ray’. She’s the head girl? She smiles and seats me on a small bench outside. “Math is tough, but don’t worry, you can borrow my notes.”

This kid is pretty sweet. “T-Thanks!”

“It’s tough, being slow at math.”

“Honestly, I don’t even know why I chose this course.”

“Me neither.” She chuckles, slowly wiggling her fingers over my hand, holding it warmly, “Say, thank you for last night.”

“Huh? Oh, you’re welcome.”

“It was a nice date.”

“Yeah, it–” It was. I remember.

I…remember.

This is not my life.

Last night, Ray and I went on a date to the museum. We saw dinosaur bones and tried to count how many teeth each dinosaur had. We lost count when we came out, got ice cream, walked home, hand-in-hand. The moon was out. There were only two stars in the sky, so we named them after us. Her hair was very pretty in the moonlight and her eyes reflected the sky. I ran a hand through her bangs to shoo away a mosquito. Then she kissed me. My heart fluttered for a moment, but that was all.

No, that’s not right.

My heart did flutter…but mine, mine didn’t. Because I’m not Robert, I’m…who am I?

“Robert?” She interlocks our fingers, tilting her head. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know how to feel. I’ve forgotten what I was supposed to feel. I slip my hand back and avoid her gaze. “I’m sorry. I just…I just need some time I guess. Still feeling a bit sick.”

“…Okay. That’s fair.” She sits shyly next to me, twiddling her thumbs. We sit in silence till the bell rings. Then she smiles, says goodbye to me as she always does, and leaves to go home to her father and two sisters. Speaking of which, I owe her sister a birthday present. Last time I met her was a week ago when I dropped by to leave a note for Ray.

The sun is setting. I better go home.

I walk down the path I always take, near the cricket stadium, three signals away, where the traffic is always thickest.

I walk. The sky has turned to night and the stars have awoken. My feet feel heavy and my head feels light. Today was a strange day. Ray…she didn’t insist on holding my hand. I was being odd…

I am odd.

I feel like I wasn’t awake for most of class…when I go home, at least I’ll get to see my mum again. It’s been a while.

Did I buy her meds…

I reach my house. It looks different than I remember, but it’s my house. The key…I found it. In the wall crack as usual. Why are there no lights on? Usually mum always leaves one ligh–!

The house is empty. There’s a single mattress on the floor.

“Mum?! Ma! Where are you?” I rush inside, flipping all the lights frantically. Where is she? She’ll never leave the house without leaving a note. The cat isn’t here either. Usually she’d leave him home. What if she got injured outside? Oh no, what if–what if her illness acts up again?!

I’m panicking. My heart is beating faster than I can breathe. “MUM!!”

‘Student, 18.’

Where is she?!

‘Math major,’

My head, my head hurts! I can’t find her anywhere!

‘no family.’

That’s right.

That’s right, that’s right this is not me. This is not me! This isn’t my life…I…have a mother. That’s right! She’s…She’s making me dinner right now. I said I’d see her soon when I left earlier today, and…

I run outside frantically, cars whizz past me, barely scraping by. The road is a flurry of vehicles. The sky is dark. The stars are hidden. I have to find a way to get back. Salty tears get in my mouth without concern.

There has to be a way!

My head spins, the horns blare past my ears. My eyes look for every instance of a missing puzzle piece. But I can’t find the gaps.

“Yin!”

Yin? Yin! That’s my name! “Who–”

“Yin, snap outta it!” A boy runs into me in the middle of the road, pushing us inches away from getting hit by a bike. “It’s me, Sika!”

Bitterness turns into anger. I can’t help but cry out in frustration. “You…You did this to me! I…I’ve lost everything! My mother, my home, my cat, my…my life! Give it back! Give it–”

“This is your life now! Unless ya die, there’s no going back!”

“Then kill me! Let me go, let me–”

“No, dude! You don’t get it, once you acclimatise, you’ll…maybe we’ll have a better time here, just maybe–”

“You’re in the way.”

“Yin!”

I shove past him and run into the road. A loud horn approaches, the bus is faster than I anticipated.

If dying is the only way I’ll ever get back, then I intend to die now!

“Robert!”