By the time everything was packed again, Enoki noticed that most of the elves were back in the wagons or on their mounts. Ze looked around what remained of the campsite. Just some ash and a few dribbles of blood or bone scattered about. As ze debated getting some of the still usable bits of charcoal, Li’tiana came up with a paper on her hand. 

“I guess this is where we separate, huh? Thanks for the interesting first night.” Enoki gave a lopsided grin as ze held hir hand out. “Wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

“I’m glad. Enoki, this is a map of this region. It has a minor enchantment to point you north so you don’t get confused. The city you want is about a two day walk in that direction.” Enoki glanced where she was pointing and went back to the map. That was north west from the looks of it. 

“Don’t suppose there is a fast way. I only have 390 days left.”

“Sadly no, not without a mount. And we cannot spare any. You could possibly shift to something else, but the energy consumption alone would cost you at least a day of rest.”

“Ok. Cool. Great. So, then maybe you can help me with what it is I need to make? What is it that the elves are famous for? Some sort of cooked drink?” Enoki still hadn’t seen any coffee. The elves had a quick drink of something with their water in the morning, but ze never got a taste. As it was ze was pretty sure ze knew what they were famous for, but right now? The hope was coffee instead.

“Why our wines, spirits, and other liquors. This isn’t to say other races haven’t made them before but we have fruits only we can grow. Most importantly, we are experts at making melomel.”

“Oh fruit mead! That makes a lot of sense.” Enoki scratched hir chin for a moment. “I have stories in my head about the parties the elves throw. And you had a whole barrel to just throw with the marinade last night, so it’s part of your trades right?”

“Yes. Part of what makes ours special is the trees we use for our barrels are magic, which causes some very interesting properties. Plus we harvest honey made from the same blossoms that create the fruit we use. It greatly enhances everything.” Her face suddenly became far more serious. “Which is why what you’ll be trying to get will be very risky. Magic trees are hard enough to harvest.”

“Do they get up and walk away?” Ze let out a laugh before seeing the serious look.

“Some do, but those are far kinder than the one you want. I have never seen them cut, so there is no telling what will happen. They are guarded for a reason.” Her expression softened a bit. “But I trust in your skills. I’m certain that you are skilled in such escapades.”

“I mean, I uh, have experience in diplomacy. Kinda.” Of course that was dealing with Karens, not being the crazy Karen demanding an item that wasn’t allowed to be sold. The joy of being an assistant manager at a big box store. Truly glorious. 

The smile twitched a touch wider. “Then you will be fine. I will say after that I would consider seeking the centaurs. Based on what you need from us, I can guess what they may provide. Both will take a fair bit of time to prepare.”

That was an understatement. Most wines and meads that Enoki knew of took at least a month to ferment, closer to two. Then barrel aging? If it was a lot then it would easily take a full year. From the sounds of it there was no way that any of it would have been made ahead of time. That would mean arriving in the city in the year, getting the wood, getting the fruit and honey, and starting the process of fermenting and making the barrel within a week. Probably. And that was assuming one barrel would be enough. Those gods were huge. Or maybe it wouldn’t matter?

“Is it too late to ask for a cup of whatever booze you have?”

She arched her brow. “You’d probably be unaware of what you were doing for days, even with your fortitude.”

“Kinda what I was thinking, honestly.” 

Li’tiana simply turned hir around and gave a gentle shove in the direction ze was to travel. “Go. The gods will guide you. Let your journey be safe and trust in yourself.”

Enoki took one last look at the elves, some were already riding ahead towards the south. Towards humans and probably Gnomes. Going to see Gnomes sounded a lot nicer than chasing an evil, magic, murder tree of some sort. But the elves were definitely the thing that was going to need to happen first.

“Why couldn’t it be hot chocolate, or a nice tea? Tea is nice.”

Sadly, the possibly sentient underwear and boots said nothing. All that was left to do was walk.

**

While the gods themselves didn’t guide hir, the map did a pretty good job at least. It was a bit like a smart phone GPS where you could zoom in on a small area. Just like a gps map that wasn’t allowed to know your location, it could get lost if you played with it too much. Thankfully Enoki quickly stopped playing around and focused instead on just going straight, only stopping to grab plants that matched the few described in the notebook. Lunch was just some of the meat with bread and then moving on again. It was surprising how little rest ze actually needed. 

“If I keep this up maybe I can get there by lunch tomorrow.” Ze mumbled to hirself as ze looked at the map. If ze was right then the road wasn’t too far from here. 

Although as ze got close, the right handed circle suddenly produced a sword. Ze paused, looking at it a moment. It was a one handed sword, reasonably easy to use one would assume. If one had sword training.

One did not.

“Look, Brutus McStabby.” Enoki looked at the sword for a moment. “Mixer McStabby if you wanna be formal. Can I maybe have warning? Warning is good.”

As if to answer the question of warning, some voices could be heard. “You shall hear from the temple! The Great Cycle will not take kindly to you lot robbing us like this!”

“Well then the Great Cycle shouldn’t have made your guards so easy to take out ya Blazelyiness.”

Enoki whispered as ze put the map away. “Ok. Point. But like, heads up for ME.”

The sword almost felt lighter for a moment as if feeling smug. Enoki focused on making a shield and did hir best to hold it in a defensive position as ze headed up to the bushes near the talking. As ze got close, the situation looked pretty bad. At least ten bandit looking people of various races, four knocked out elven guards, and one very fancy holy looking elf. This was not a beginner level fight. Enoki was debating retreating back and trying to find help further up the road. After all nine bandits.

Wait.

Where did number ten go?

A snapped twig went off behind hir, making Enoki spin around wildly, swinging the sword before stumbling backwards through the bushes and landing on hir back. Ze looked up to see the faces of a few annoyed bandits. As well as an elven bandit that had snuck up. How could the tallest one be so damn silent?

“Who is that? Not one of ours.” asked the Orc.

“Who the fuck cares.” An angry looking elf loomed over hir. “Kill that one. People will assume it was another bandit.”

“I won’t, you traitor!” The holy elf was struggling against the ropes a human bandit was desperately trying to tie some knots in.

In the moment of distraction Enoki quickly rolled onto hir side and scrambled to hir feet. “You know. We could just, not. I mean. Trust me death sucks. Meeting the gods extra sucks.”

As one of the bandits quickly swung down with an ax, Enoki raised the shield just in time to block it. Vague memories of how to fight were in hir head. But it involved more punching and shield blocking. “Fuck was sword fighting the premium package?”

As Enoki tried to desperately swing the sword around, the holy elf yelled. “For the love of the cycle don’t wave it around like a wand!”

“Well how should I wave it around? And can we do lessons in thirty seconds or less? I have a tight schedule!” Enoki quickly kicked over one of the elven guards causing two of the bandits to trip and drop their weapons.

“I have classically trained for seventy—five years and you want me to teach you in moments? Why do you even have the sword?”

“Because a giggling maniac made me take it.” Enoki barely ducked below a sideways swing as an ax came uncomfortably close to giving hir an unwanted haircut. “I tend not to argue with them!” 

Ze quickly looked to the elf, raising the shield. “But you can have it!” 

Enoki charged forward into the human who was tying up the rope at full force. Before the human could react, they felt the full brunt of the charge and slid across the ground hard. Thankfully the blow was hard enough to knock them out. Only nine left.

As the holy elf quickly slid out of the ropes, Enoki held out the sword. “Your turn, holy one.”

As Enoki turned around to figure out what to do next, the elven leader from before thrust the sword into hir stomach. Ze looked at it and grabbed onto the blade, coughing a bit of red gold blood out. 

**Need something to read while you wait for the next epsiode? Check out these other contest entries! Links are below.**