“Hey, now I’m holey too.” There was another cough. A little less blood this time with more of that gold fluid mixed in. The holy elf was just staring in disbelief. Whether from the joke or the blood was to be debated at a later time.

The bandit leader smirked. “I don’t know what kind of hero you thought you were, but now you will die forgotten. Quips mean nothing if you can’t back them up. No matter what the stories say.”

Enoki let out a little laugh. Despite the pain, ze realized ze wasn’t bleeding out as much as one should. An old meme floated to the surface of hir mind as the bandit started to pull the sword out. Ze quickly reached forward, stretching hir arm out so it was now on top of his own, and pulled forward. That caused a bit more of the reddish gold blood to come out and jerked him forward, face to face with the bandit leader. 

“Now, now. It’s rude to take back a gift. And I think it looks good on me.” Ze quickly pulled their right hand back, making a fist. Enoki swung it forward, making it grow to four times its original size. Ze slammed hard into the bandit leader’s head. He hit the side of the wagon and slumped down. The weight of the hand made hir fall over as the holy elf jumped to their feet with the sword. 

“What sort of insanity are you?” they shouted as they swung expertly at one of the braver bandits.

“The kind that’d rather be making cookies right now.” Enoki was slower to stand up, trying to shake hir hand to a smaller size before looking at the sword for a moment. First aid guidelines Enoki learned at hir job always said to leave knives in place. Pulling them out could cause further damage or bleeding out. Right now it felt like hir organs just moved around the blade and reformed. Not to mention the hole felt like it was closing up. 

Ze could also feel the eyes of the others on hir. Well. If ze wanted to minimize people dying…  Time to put that one year of high school drama into good use. Enoki turned and made eye contact with the bandits as ze got a good grip on the sword. Slowly but surely, ze pulled the sword out of hir torso like it was just a sheath. The grin on hir face slowly got bigger and bigger. “Alright boys, who wants to play?!”

Enoki held the sword over hir head, the weight of the damn thing nearly making hir fall backwards. Ze quickly shifted some weight and size to hir left foot that was in the air, making it slam down hard. “HAHA!”

The remaining four bandits looked at the scene around them. The one from earlier knocked out. The Elf had just taken out the orc and three of their compatriots single handedly. Their leader passed out. And then back to Enoki who was trying to look as deranged and unhinged as possible, the wound from before almost completely gone.

A clattering of weapons hit the ground. “Holy barrels are not worth this. We surrender. Don’t kill us.”

The holy elf came over and took the sword from Enoki and handed back hir own. “So, hi. I’m Enoki. Pronouns ze and hir.”

“Well met. You seem less holey than a few minutes ago.” With a free hand the elf was checking the exit wound. “I’m going to assume you’ll be fine.”

“Please, Lady Blaze En’mat. We ask for mercy.” The small Gnome glanced at Enoki. “Please don’t feed us to this agent of chaos.”

Enoki raised a finger to argue, and paused mid word. There really wasn’t a good argument against that. At least one of those gods had to be a chaos one. Ze let the Lady Blaze respond.

“We have no way to lock them up. We can’t let them off either. Killing them—” she raised her sword. “Might be the last option.”

“Wait! I have a different option!” Ze held up hir hands, the sword and shield disappearing.

The Lady Blaze arched a brow at the sight of the disappearing tools. “And what do you suggest?”

Within moments, Enoki put up the yellow curtain on the side of the wagon and pulled it back. “Ok you all go in here. When it opens you come right back out.”

“What will happen in there?” the Gnome cautiously asked. 

“Nothing. I mean. If you aren’t in there too long. Otherwise you’ll get old. Possibly die. So as soon as the curtain opens again, come right out.” Enoki stepped to the side and let them all go in. All of them marched inside as the Lady Blaze forced them in at sword point. 

As Enoki quickly took down the curtain, Lady Blaze looked at the slowly sinking sun. “How long do they have? I’d rather not have a cruel death.”

“I dunno. How long are life spans here?” Enoki looked at the confused elf. “ It’s just a magic storage room. Do you have a way to call for help?”

“Oh yes, one of the guards should have a scroll to call for a new mount.” She sighed. “I knew we should have used the wolves. But the humans gifted us horses for the wine.”

Enoki started climbing inside, trying to figure out how to move the surely heavy barrels. “Well, at least the wine is saved.”

“Oh they didn’t want the wine. They wanted the barrels to make their own magic spirits.” She said, matter of factly.

Ze froze for a moment. “You mean I got stabbed for empty barrels?!” Ze screamed. 

“Five thousand year old barrels, mind you.” She poked her head in. “Now what are we doing?”

“I got an idea. Get the knocked out bastards in here while I set things up.”

“Very well, sacred one.” It only took a few moments to put the bodies on the floor of the wagon after shoving the barrels to one side. Enoki carefully attached the curtain to the ceiling, holding it closed while standing on a ladder made by ‘McStabby’. A moment later, the other disk became a giant lobster trap with an opening at the top as McStabby went back to its home. The floor of the trap seamlessly formed below the sleeping bandits.

The Lady Blaze came back just in time to see the bandits Rushing through the entry only to fall through the one way hole and land in a heap. “I do not know what to think.”

“What? That’s my food storage. I didn’t want them going to the bathroom in there or something.” 

With a deep breath, ze thought thin thoughts and felt hirself squish around the edges of the cage. One of the bandits looked on with a mix of horror and disgust. 

As soon as ze popped out the other side ze managed to make hirself into a normal form again,hir stomach growling. 

“Ugh, I overdid it. It’s dinner time.” Ze slowly slid out and managed to get out of the bandit’s sight before getting too dizzy to stand.

The Lady Blaze quickly caught hir. “What can I do? We don’t have many rations left.” 

“The other curtain. Hang it up. The others gave me some food and it’s in there.” Enoki slid down onto the ground and looked at the guards. “You aren’t gonna tell them I knocked them over are you?”

“The bandits did it, obviously.” She quickly hung the gray on the side of the wagon and went inside. After a moment she pulled out several leaf wrapped packages, but was marveling at one . “It’s still warm from fires.”

“Oh good. I woulda ate it cold but this is better.” Enoki took the food, happy. Ze took big bites of the various meats and fruits provided in the packages. Despite the pile being as tall as ze was, Enoki was making short work of the food. 

As ze ate, Lady Blaze looked down the road. “Help should be teleporting in soon. We can’t teleport back. It’ll ruin the barrels. But good mounts can be brought in. And the bandits teleported to our jails.”

Enoki tried to speak, nearly forgetting ze had a mouth full of food. Ze was honestly a bit ashamed of hirself, being so hungry ze forgot hir manners. A hard swallow got it all down, even if it felt a bit heavy in hir stomach. “Cool. I don’t suppose you’re going to Mol’don city? I was heading that way.”

“Of course, sacred one. I will be happy to guide you to our holiest of cities.” She knelt down and smiled.

“Cool, so ah,” Enoki paused, realizing she was probably hungry too. Ze handed her a fair sized piece of crow. “Sacred one?”

“Your blood. It’s said only those god chosen have gold in their blood. I do not know what task you have before you, but I certainly do not mind helping you to our city after you saved the barrels made by my people.” She looked at the food she had been given and took small polite bites, looking very happy.

Ze quickly took a large bite of one of the still warm tubers. Well. This was either going to make things really simple, or really complicated. Either way, there wasn’t time to decide that for now. Some glowing orbs were flying in, probably their ride.