After 2 weeks of constant invasion, Friday night at Colby’s house was finally girl-free. At last, the sacred space was void of floral perfumes and scented lip balms. No longer did we have to see princess daisy chosen to race on screen because guys knew that princess peach was always the better choice. 

Stephanie and Rin had their explosive fight on Monday but they still hadn’t made up!

When I plotted to make them argue, I imagined a dispute maybe twice as serious as the argument I saw over the phone. The type of stuff that would create underlying resentments I could pick at like old wounds. I never thought it would tear them apart and put them on indefinite silent treatment. 

It was really too good to be true.

There was no official break up yet–unfortunately–but Rin acted like a single man. He started showing up for my shifts again, loitering in the booth that had missed him over the last few weeks. Three months ago, the booth closest to the counter practically had his name on it. It was nice to have the prodigal son return. And after work, if we weren’t doing something with the guys, he was at my place, messing around on my computer or eating my mom’s cooking.

It felt like the golden days when we were 12-year-olds who had nothing better to do but bother our best bud. I loved it. Rin would have loved it too if he wasn’t moping so often.

Most of the time, he was as overjoyed as I was to play 10 uninterrupted rounds of COD in a row, no need to check his phone or call someone back. But there were moments where he checked his phone anyway. His phone wasn’t on silent, no need for me to pull that trick again, so I knew he hadn’t gotten any texts calls. But he looked at it anyway. 

Like he thought maybe Steph had reached out.

“Just checking notifications,” he’d tell me. But that puppy dog look in his eyes didn’t come from missing an Instagram live reminder.

Apart from those moments, things weren’t so bad. I was optimistic that soon, the plan would be complete. Rin would be single, and finally things would go back to normal.

Step 4 of my plan was quite simple. Us hanging out as much as we did and spending time as the 4 musketeers would remind Rin why friends are so much better than some girlfriend. Tonight was going to be a rarity since Tyler and Colby couldn’t come over for a movie marathon. It was relatively easy to get them to agree to a steady schedule of rotating our hangouts between our houses since Rin was basically going through a break up and they were eager to cheer him up.

Still, as his best friend I was confident a good movie night could raise his spirits. The Jason Bourne series was a classic and he’d be so busy trying to recreate the fight scenes with me, there’d be no time for him to remember Stephanie Huarez.

“Elliot,” Stephanie sighed at the sight of me, stepping through the school’s backdoor. “Hey.”

Secretly meeting Stephanie behind the school during Monday’s lunch was not on my bingo card. But when she texted me asking if we could talk, I couldn’t say no. I’d done a pretty awesome job of pretending to like the fact that she was dating my best friend. Breaking character now would be stupid. That’s the only reason why I went.

“Did you know?” she asked gently, tugging harshly at the ends of her sleeves. “Was he telling you guys that he cheated?”

I didn’t know how to respond. If the idea of him cheating kept her from making up with him, I had to let her believe it. On the other hand, I wanted to comfort her. She didn’t deserve to have her confidence wrecked over a tiny thing that I did. The perfect response evaded me though, and I barely managed to say,

“Stephanie . . . ”

“Sorry. Bro code,” she chuckled dryly. “I forgot you can’t tell me either way.”

Since their fight, Stephanie had all but disappeared from the school. Before, I’d see her in the halls between just about every class and it was easy to exchange a smile or joke. Now, it was impossible to know if she was at school or not. 

At first, I thought she was purposely avoiding the paths Rin and I took. Now I wondered if I just didn’t recognize her. 

Head to toe, she wore grays and blacks. From her sweatpants to her oversized sweater, nothing fit her and everything was faded and worn. Whether the wear came from a few months or decades, I couldn’t tell. But the age of the fabric seemed to reflect how exhausted she looked. 

She huddled against the brick wall, licking lips dried out by the cold.

“I just keep thinking about how we left off on Saturday and I can’t figure it out,” she admitted quietly. “I mean, I had no idea. I keep trying to figure out what I missed but there’s nothing. He could have cheated on me forever and I would have had no idea.”

I tried to imagine what it looked like when she showed up for that date Sunday night. Stephanie walking into the fine dining restaurant after her mom dropped her off, a woman excited that her daughter was excited about this date. She would have told the hostess it was a table for two. In the most expensive dress she owned that was tight and black or silky and red, she sat down at a small table in the center, waiting. Then she waited. And waited. 

She would have looked back at those messages that Rin–that I–sent her. He couldn’t wait to see her. He’d been dying to take her to Calvin’s for weeks. Those messages would have comforted her and convinced her to wait a little longer. But 1 hour of waiting turned into 2. Rin hadn’t shown up and she was still sitting there in her best dress, a table for 2 now a table for 1.

“I’m sorry Stephanie.”

“It’s alright,” she shrugged, eyes flickering up to meet mine. “Even though you’re his best friend, I know it’s not your fault.”

Except it is. Except she doesn’t know that.

Stephanie reached out, squeezed my arm, then slipped back into the school. 

The emotion wasn’t new, it had been following me for weeks. But a few words from Stephanie forced me to be still. Forced me to stop running from it long enough that I could accept it for what it was.

Guilt.

I’d barely uttered four words to her but she treated me with all the respect I didn’t deserve. She’d been affected by this, even though I wanted to pretend that she wasn’t. 

A chime from my phone made me pull it out of my pocket. It was Rin with one simple question.

Rin

Where are you?

He was expecting me for lunch. Waiting for me to eat with him and hold his hand while he decided if he can forgive Stephanie or not. So I wouldn’t tell him that I was with her. I wouldn’t tell him that she has nothing to be sorry for. I wouldn’t tell him the truth.

Me

I’m on my way

—————

With his stomach on my bed, Rin stared at my TV in total focus. Bourne Identity played and he hardly blinked once per minute. I thought this movie was intense yet exciting. A great distraction from the stresses of life. Watching it now while lying down the same way as my forlorn friend I realized how sad it was.

Hot and young Matt Damon washes up in the sea with bullets in his back and a complete lack of memory. He’s barely back in society before government agents are trying to kill him. And the only romantic connection he makes puts the sweet civilian girl in danger.

The two of us watched Matt stare lovingly into her eyes after only knowing her for a couple of days. Helping her cut and dye her hair to avoid police identification was a charged moment to him and soon they’re wrapped up in a kiss.

A Jason Bourne marathon was a terrible idea. Was it always this romantic? It must have been. We just were too single to notice.

The early 2000s version of a sex scene started to play on the screen and I turned my chin, trying to catch Rin’s reaction. For a while, the drawn out kisses and sighs of passion seemed to have no effect. Then his eyes started watering.

In this past week, I’ve seen Rin mope over Stephanie. I’ve seen him pout and complain about Stephanie. I’ve seen him pour over what ifs with each scenario revolved around one girl. But never have I ever seen him cry over her.

The scene changed but Rin pushed off the bed, hands flying to his face to wipe up the tears. The movie was forgotten as he paced in front of the TV, the quiet sound of his crying sounding louder than any pre-recorded gunshot.

I wasn’t the best with comforting people, my interaction with Stephanie just this afternoon proved that. So I hoped that after a second, he’d figure himself out. But the sniffles only got more and more frequent and now hiccups went along with them.

The sounds were approaching anxiety attack level and I didn’t know what to do.

“Rin?” 

He released a noise—more of a groan than any clear response—and stopped pacing. But when he looked at me where I now sat up on my bed, his watery expression crumbled. 

I thought I didn’t know how to comfort people. But when Rin looked at me like that, like he needed me, I moved on instinct.

Clambering off the bed, I rose to quickly pull him into my arms. The hug was distant at first, with our arms and chests being the only points of contact. The little distance between us closed when he stepped into me, tucking his head under my chin and his face into my neck. Once his forehead hit my skin, he finally let go.

My job now was to be his rock. And it was the biggest responsibility I’d ever been given. I carried his weight and my own as he’d fully released every muscle in his body and relied solely on me. It felt like we stood there forever yet no time had passed. 

Soon, every place where I held him felt damp and hot. 

But I relished the feeling. 

He trusted me with this weak version of himself. He trusted me to carry all the weight he had to give. I don’t know when his sniffles stopped but I know that his voice was especially deep when he finally spoke.

“I don’t know what I did wrong.”

I didn’t need the confirmation but I had it now. He was crying over her. Of course he was.

“I hate making her upset,” he croaked, breath warming my chest. “But the last time we fought she wouldn’t let me talk. She just yelled and screamed.”

I tried to imagine how Rin felt when Stephanie confronted him last Monday. He had no memory of the text conversation she referenced. He’d never even heard of Calvin’s Bistro—the restaurant I chose. All he did was walk into a room, ready to greet his girlfriend with a hug and a kiss. But she met him with anger. She accused him of the worst betrayal.

Not once had I faltered in holding him up. But hearing him sound so confused made my hands slip. Rin slid down my body, just slightly, and I hurried to grab him securely again and prove I could hold him up.

But could I really? I was supporting him now but even if he didn’t know it, I’d already let him down.

“I-I don’t know what to do,” Rin admitted. “I just want to know how to make it okay.”

At first he’d barely grabbed onto my shirt but now he’d slipped his arms under my own, circling my waist in a loose grip. When I pulled back suddenly, his grip on my shirt grew tight. The wide-eyed look on his face made it clear that Rin thought I was leaving him. But really, I just wanted to see his face. 

Looking into red-rimmed eyes, I saw the defeat as clear as day. Yet I refused to let it settle. Boldly, I grabbed both sides of his face, forcing him to look at me and me alone.

“You can’t blame yourself.”

His eyes flicked down and away from mine, like he couldn’t stomach my words. So I held his face a bit firmer and waited until his brown eyes found mine once more.

“I know you’re a good person and . . . you care about her.” 

It was impossible to keep the slight sigh out of my voice. 

“It’s her fault if she can’t see that.” 

And it’s my fault if you break up.

I hadn’t looked at anything other than Rin’s face in minutes. My eyes darted across it, searching for signs that anything I said had landed. The tightness between his brows released. No more moisture appeared around his eyes. And maybe the start of a smile was lifting up the corners of his lips. 

“Thank you.”

Hearing him say that gave me so much relief. I didn’t deserve the thanks–I felt that now more than ever–but at least he was okay.

Rin’s skin was still damp and puffy. My skin was still sticky from where I’d held him for so long. But without his cries or whines, nothing could distract me from how beautiful he looked. 

His face was too close to mine, all I could see was him. Like the deep slope of his nose and his pillow soft lips. Red-rimmed eyes glowed with warmth and everything about him called to me. 

I don’t know what I looked like at that moment, I just know how I felt. I was in awe of the man fully pressed against me in every way except for one. Slowly, my thumb moved, stroking the skin on Rin’s cheek. 

I want to kiss you.

“Elliot?”

Fuck

I pinched his cheek, laughing as I dislodged my body from his. In seconds, my back was to him so I didn’t have to hide my panic.

I didn’t know where the urge to kiss him came from but it was strong and real. The feeling had been all consuming. Even remembering how I felt seconds ago was daunting. Rin was miserable and his face was still wet from tears, but if he hadn’t brought me back to reality, I would have kissed him.

I was going to kiss him.

“Sorry for breaking down like that,” Rin chuckled, walking around me to drop onto the bed. “We missed the rest of the movie.”

My TV had turned off on its own so I couldn’t even guess how long we’d stood there hugging each other. Everything we did suddenly had a new meaning. My skin practically stung at the reminder that it had touched Rin for so long.

“This is all so draining.” 

Rin flopped back, distantly gazing at the ceiling. His hair billowed around his head and my brain couldn’t handle how he grew more attractive by the second. 

“Maybe you’re right,” he muttered. “I should just focus on school and my friends. I don’t need to be this stressed over some girl.”  

Step 4: Show Him the Better Way → Check

Stephanie thought she’d been cheated on. Rin thought he’d failed as a boyfriend. Guilt thick enough to choke on blanketed me constantly. And I almost kissed my best friend. 

There was only one more step left. And still, things were not going to plan.