He swallowed hard, clenching his hands tightly in his pockets, fighting the overwhelming urge to grab him and hold him close. 

I can’t do this…I can’t be near him like this…

“You’re shaking,” Hero said quietly, his eyes drifting from the view to Hawk’s face. 

Hawk swallowed. “It’s cold…” he said, his voice barely a whisper. Another warm breeze lifted his own hair around his face.

Hero said nothing, just stared at him, his eyes piercing into Hawk’s, as though he were seeing Hawk’s thoughts. Hawk couldn’t help but wonder if Hero was thinking something similar, if he was fighting the same urges. He was so unreadable, his eyes so mysteriously dark and captivating. Hawk’s eyes moved from Hero’s eyes down to his mouth, noticing how the light caught the few drops of moisture that lingered from when Hero licked them. The desire to taste those lips overtook him and he had to physically restrain himself. 

A few strands of blonde hair caught the side of Hero’s nose and stuck to his long eyelashes. This drew an automatic response, something Hawk couldn’t stop. His hand came out of his pocket and slowly began to rise of its own accord, making its way up toward Hero’s face. The young man before him didn’t even move, as though he was hoping Hawk would touch him.

Hero sucked in his lower lip then slowly released it, wet and inviting. He was fighting himself, the same as Hawk. His heart rate increased, his breathing becoming shallow and ragged. Hawk could almost sense the tension in Hero’s body as he held himself back.

Hawk’s elbow was nearly completely bent when someone cleared their throat, jolting both of them out of their daze.

They looked over at Jordan and Elaine who were staring at both of them, grinning and trying not to laugh.

“If you two want to be alone, there’s like five bedrooms in there,” Jordan said, thumbing back to the house.

“Oh, fuck off!” Hawk said.

Hero turned bright red and averted his gaze. Elaine giggled and took his arm. 

“We’ve been trying forever to get your attention,” she said. “I’m guessing the view wasn’t the only thing that you were interested in,” she added in a more conspiratorial tone, her eyes darting over to where Hawk and Jordan were heading off back to the house.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, it isn’t like that,” Hero mumbled.

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Her eyes searched his face, her own demeanor suddenly serious. “There’s something there between you two, I can feel it.”

“We don’t even really know each other.”

“I don’t know Jordan all that well and I like him.”

Hero said nothing, just looked back over the horizon.

“Don’t count anything out, okay? So you just met the guy, I get it. Get to know him, be his friend. Maybe something will grow out of that. In fact, it isn’t even a maybe. Something will grow between you two, but you have to allow yourself to let it happen.”

Hero’s eyes went to the ground, his jaw tensing.

Elaine gently touched his cheek. “It’s time for you to move on, Hero. If you have feelings for Hawk, don’t bury them. I won’t watch my friend drown in his sadness anymore, not when you have a chance to live again.”

Hero looked up, glancing back at the house. Hawk and Jordan were in the kitchen, laughing. Jordan caught Hero’s eye and waved a bottle of soda in his direction. Hawk also looked his way, his expression changing, becoming more serious, more intense in a way. His eyes told Hero he wasn’t angry or uncomfortable about what had just passed between them…

He was scared.

Hero wasn’t dumb enough to lie to himself and say he wasn’t a little scared by all these strange feelings and experiences he was having with an almost complete stranger.

No…Hawk wasn’t a stranger, not really. He was a new friend, one that was interesting and mysterious. Someone he really wanted to get to know and spend time with. He was definitely attracted to this gorgeous man with the dark red hair and amber eyes. But he couldn’t let just his physical appearance get him…if he wanted anything deeper with Hawk, or anyone for that matter, he had to learn more about him.

“Okay,” he said softly. “I’ll try.”

Elaine gave him a big hug and then led him back to the house to join their friends.

-*-

Toji sat on the landing overlooking the kitchen, watching the three young adults and their demon friend as they talked and laughed, drinking sodas and snacking on foods Hawk had on hand for whenever Jordan or some other guest, which was very rare at best, came by. Otherwise, the food didn’t get touched. Hawk didn’t need to eat, not like mortals did, but he still drank coffee. It was the only human treat he enjoyed without people around. 

He took in the new guests; the female with strangely dyed hair, and the young man with red eyes. Hero. The girl was bubbly and laughed a lot, standing close to Jordan, but also interacting physically with Hero. Not in any romantic way, of course, more like a sister would with a brother she was close with, perhaps even a twin. Hero reciprocated the feeling, his arm around her shoulders, or playfully pinching her or bopping her on the head. She was genuinely kind and friendly to Hawk, teasing him about his choppy hair constantly being in his face. What’s a “headband”?

Hero was slightly more reserved, a little quiet but still laughed and smiled, engaging and confident in his speech and bearing. Toji noticed quite a difference between his interactions with Jordan and Hawk. With Jordan, he seemed to stand at a slight distance, allowing the girl (Elaine is her name, I think I heard them say) to fill that space and get closer to him. He wasn’t standoffish or rude in any way. He knew his place was not at Jordan’s side.

He knew, in some subconscious way, he was meant to be near Hawk. His movements and speech patterns flowed alongside the demon’s as though they were in a dance, moving together, relaxed and at ease, yet with an awkward and nervous undercurrent. It was as though they wanted to be closer, but were both too scared or shy to be. Toji noticed how they both surreptitiously put their hands in their pockets, or comfortably crossed their arms, their hands hidden, or they leaned against the counter or table, their hands supporting them.

They were fighting the urge to touch each other, both probably afraid of falling into that space of disconnection from the outside world. Of course, he had seen what had occurred between them out on the cliffside, and all they had done was look at each other. Toji had to wonder if proximity also had something to do with it. How deep did that connection go, he wondered. Was it more than just the overwhelming desire for physical and sexual contact? No one would know unless they touched each other in some way again.

Inwardly, he sighed. Soul connections were a complex and barely understood phenomenon. The fact that a demon, this demon in particular, made one was incredible. He had to watch them to see how it all played out. Plus, Hero interested him. He was so calm and composed, confident and open. Maybe he would be good for Hawk after all. Maybe he could give Hawk a different perspective of human connections and relationships. Outside of Jordan, he hadn’t attempted any further friendships, still believing all these years later that it was dangerous and wouldn’t end well.

And yet, here he was, laughing and having a good time with three people in the comfort of his own home.

By now they had moved to the den, Toji padding down the stairs to join them. It was Elaine who spotted him first as he casually made his way over.

“Oh my god, how adorable!” she squealed.

All three men turned to see the little black cat walk up to Hawk, who was sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch, and jump on his shoulder. Hawk didn’t even flinch, just continued to search for the right anime for them to watch. Elaine, sitting on the couch next to Jordan, reached over and held out a finger for Toji to sniff. Satisfied she wasn’t a threat, he bumped his head into her hand, eliciting another “awwww!” She scratched behind his ears and he jumped into her lap, paws on her chest as he demanded more attention.

“Who is this sweet baby?”

“Sweet baby, my ass,” Hawk muttered. “That little asshole is Toji. He thinks he runs the place, so be careful.”

Hero laughed. He was sitting in a recliner that was situated at an angle next to the couch. Hawk was sitting between the two. “All cats think they’re in charge. We are only here to serve them.”

Toji made his way over to Hero and stood on his hind legs, paws on his chest, staring. Hero stared back, not sure what he should do. The way the cat was looking at him made him feel like he was being evaluated, studied. After a minute, Toji looked back at Hawk and made a purring noise. He curled into Hero’s lap, content.

Hawk stared at the cat for a moment then back at the screen. “Guess he likes you,” he said under his breath. Terrific.

“Bro, what the hell?” Jordan complained. “Just totally skipped by me like I wasn’t even here.”

Toji glanced his way and gave a self-satisfied blink.

“Rude,” Jordan pouted, leaning back on the couch. Elaine bumped his shoulder with hers and smiled up at him.

“He’s just making new friends, relax,” she said.

Jordan smiled. He may be acting offended, but really he didn’t mind. He liked Toji, they got along well, but it was important even to him that the cat got along with Elaine and Hero, especially if they decided to come over more often.

Having finally decided on what to watch, Hawk stretched out his long legs and got comfortable, folding his arms over his chest. During the entirety of the episode, he was acutely aware of the proximity between himself and Hero and it troubled him. Elaine was sitting near his left shoulder but she may as well not even exist. Where she felt and smelt like winter, pleasant but not really all that interesting, Hero was like fire in the woods, blazing hot and intense in his soul. His power core spun within him, making him dizzy. 

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, trying to understand exactly what was going on within him. Centering his thoughts on his core, he attempted to reach the magic within, to find out what it wanted. Usually it wanted to be released from the stranglehold he had on it. Now, however, it felt calm, controlled, and peaceful. Whereas it was normally a raging storm he was constantly having to fight, now it was placid and smooth. On top of all that, there was another strange sensation, as though he were being blanketed by a night sky. It gently surrounded his core, forcing the knot that lived within him to loosen and relax.

All of this was coming from Hero. He didn’t even have to think about it; he just knew. It was coming from that soul connection. If he had to describe it at all, Hero’s energy was enveloping his anguish and barely controlled madness, and making it disappear. His mind was starting to clear, his senses becoming more acute. An oppressive mask was being removed and he felt like he could breathe again. His core was beginning to slow and stabilize in a way he had never experienced before in his entire life. The chaos he had always known was being consumed by Hero’s blazing light, burning away in a healing blue flame.