Hawk gazed down into Hero’s eyes, pleading for his forgiveness, something he had never done, ever, from anyone. “I really did try to stop it, I did…” he said, his voice thick with tears. “Hero, please, I’m so sorry…I didn’t mean for this to happen again, I swear.” He buried his face in Hero’s throat, sobbing. “I don’t want to hurt you. I never want to hurt you. I’ve never cared about what pain I caused to anyone else, but you…” he shook his head and clutched Hero tighter to him. “I can’t hurt you…”

“Why…?” Hero’s voice was small, a whisper in Hawk’s ear.

“She threatened me with you.” There was no lying here, no hiding anything. He promised. “She enjoys watching me squirm because she knows I can’t do anything about it. She knows you’re a weakness and she’ll use you against me, whatever will cause the most pain and torment.”

“Why?”

Hawk gulped. He couldn’t lie, but this was one of those secrets he couldn’t share. He shook his head, not trusting himself to speak. Trust me…please…

Slowly, Hero’s arm reached up and around Hawk’s neck, his fingers curling into his hair. “That cloud isn’t just hatred, it’s fear. You’re terrified of her.”

“Not of her,” Hawk clarified. “Of what she’s capable of.” He raised his head enough to look into Hero’s face. “It was so much stronger because of what I know she could do to you and—” he shut his eyes, a few tears escaping down his face. “Hero, I can’t…I can’t…” 

Hero pulled Hawk’s head back down into his shoulder, sitting up enough to wrap both arms around him.

“If that’s something you have in the box, don’t tell me,” he said, his lips at Hawk’s ear. “Don’t say anything, Hawk Helman. Not a word.”

Hawk’s arm tightened around Hero, his lips to Hero’s throat. This time, he did kiss it, the taste of Hero’s skin irresistible. He could feel Hero’s breath catch under his mouth as he kissed his neck over and over, tilting Hero’s head back just enough to run his tongue along his throat and up to his ear. He took his earlobe between his teeth and sucked on it gently before tracing the curve with his tongue. He kissed his temple, his hair, his forehead, his eyebrow, the bridge of his nose, his eyes, but stopped before he went any further, his breath heavy and ragged.

Hero’s face was flushed with heat, his eyes shining with desire, his fingers tangled in Hawk’s hair, as Hawk gently laid him down, hovering over him, his leg between Hero’s, his thigh pressing up against him. He was going too far…he knew it and he didn’t care.

“Hawk,” Hero breathed. “We shouldn’t…you said…”

“I know what I said,” Hawk replied. “But I hurt you and I need to repent for that.”

“How much repentance do you need?”

Hawk swallowed, the question heavier than Hero even realized. “As much as you are willing to give me.” He lowered his face closer. “But nothing more than a kiss will do for now.”

Hero nodded. “I can do that.” He lifted his head, meeting Hawk halfway, his mouth grabbing Hawk’s, the fire that burned within him engulfing them both, the spark of electricity running through their bodies more intense than that first touch in front of the store.

Hawk had never kissed anyone the way he kissed Hero. His heart was loud in his ears as he moved with Hero, his lips pressing and lingering before letting the tip of his tongue dart out to lick Hero’s bottom lip, tracing the curve of his mouth, and the back of his teeth, before penetrating deep into Hero’s mouth, pushing and wrestling with Hero’s own hot, wet tongue. He pulled Hero’s tongue into his mouth, sucking on it hard, drawing forth a loud moan from deep within Hero’s throat, feeling his fingers tighten in his hair as Hero held his head with both hands, his mouth moving in rhythm to Hawk’s, drinking him in, breathing in his air, wanting him more and more.

Hero reciprocated the tongue-sucking, savoring the sweet coffee and creamer that coated Hawk’s mouth. He sucked hard, grazing Hawk’s tongue with his teeth before releasing him, biting his lower lip and licking each sharp incisor. He wrapped his arms tightly around Hawk’s neck as Hawk picked him up, moving him onto his lap, his hands moving up Hero’s torso under his shirt, feeling the smoothness of his skin under his fingers. Traveling back down, he grabbed Hero’s hips and pulled him in closer, grinding Hero against him.

Hero broke the kiss with a moan, ducking his head into Hawk’s neck as he pulled his hips back. “Wait, no!” he said. “We can’t…”

Hawk loosened his grip on Hero, breathing hard, his heart racing. “Why can’t we?”

Hero kissed his neck. “Because this isn’t the right time,” he murmured. “How it almost happened on the cliffside…that’s how it should be.”

“In public?”

“No!” Hero laughed, their excitement beginning to calm. “In our bodies. We need to be physically together, not just like this. I know it sounds weird but—”

“No, it isn’t,” Hawk said, putting his hands on both sides of Hero’s neck and kissing him gently. “I get it.” He wrapped his arms around Hero’s waist and held him close, Hero resting his cheek on the top of Hawk’s head. “You figured it out, too?”

Hero nodded. “And not just because you did. When we were on the cliffside, before Toji broke it up, something was happening that felt like it was meant to happen. Like, every piece of some puzzle was being placed correctly, all we had to do was…be together.”

“He stopped us just before we kissed, though. It felt like that was just as important.”

“So why didn’t we feel that same energy now?” Hero sat back, one hand going to Hawk’s chest. 

Hawk placed his hand over Hero’s, noticing how cold it was compared to his own. “Because we’re not in our bodies. We’re just souls right now, in our tiny piece of the Veil. Whatever it is that we’re supposed to complete can’t happen unless we’re in our bodies and on the brink between here and Earth.”

Hero stared at him. “I’m going to pretend that makes sense and go with it.”

Hawk laughed, lacing his fingers with Hero’s. “Trust me, it doesn’t make complete sense to me just yet, either. I know…someone who’s more knowledgeable about this sort of thing and can tell me more. It may help us as we start to work on controlling the connection.” He frowned, looking down at their hands. “I need to control it soon…I can’t hurt you like that again. I almost couldn’t save you, Hero. If not for Toji, I would have done something drastic and that probably would have made it ten times worse.”

“What did he do?”

Hawk grinned. “The little bastard has very sharp claws.”

“Speaking of which,” Hero said, running his finger gently down Hawk’s cheek where Toji had scratched him. “Your face is healed.”

“It is?” 

They both looked to the side where a mirror appeared and Hawk jerked from what he saw, his hands going to the ground behind him. It wasn’t that his face was healed, he expected that, but his hair was a brighter red and his eyes were blue. Even his canines were slightly shorter. He had seen this image of himself the first time they were in here together, but somehow this time it was far more unsettling. It was more real.  He looked back up at Hero, who didn’t seem concerned at all about the difference.

He looked back at the mirror and bit his lip. “That isn’t me,” he said, his voice trembling as he pointed at his reflection. “Hero, I don’t understand why I look like that, but it’s not me…it can’t be.”

“Of course it is,” Hero said, his brow furrowed, worried for his friend. “This is what your soul looks like, Hawk.”

“But you look the same,” Hawk said, panicked Hero might start asking why that should even matter.

“Do I?” Hero looked back at the mirror, examining his reflection in more detail. Finally, he smiled. “No, I don’t.” He looked back at Hawk. “How often do you actually look at me?”

“I’ve been staring at you for almost three days now, Hero,” Hawk said, exasperated. 

“Then tell me, what do I have under my right eye? I’m sure there are a few other changes, but you haven’t seen enough of me to know.”

Hawk stared at Hero’s face, really looking at him. He had to admit to himself that he had stared more at either Hero’s eyes or his mouth when looking him in the face. If there was any blemish or marking, he really couldn’t say. Hero smiled and shook his head.

“When you pick me up after work tonight, look again.”

Hawk nodded, running his thumb gently under Hero’s right eye. “Guess I’m not paying as much attention to you as I thought.”

“That’ll change,” Hero said, leaning down to kiss him. He sighed sadly, his hands going into Hawk’s hair. “I just can’t touch you tonight…I can’t do any of this…”

“We can’t, Hero,” Hawk said, just as disappointed. “We’ll end up right back here without even meaning to.”

“How did we get here this time?”

“I focused on you, bringing you in with me so I could apologize. You did the same thing this morning when you inadvertently came in on your own. When you touched the wall, it was like a pull for me to join you. I tried to resist it, too.”

“Why?”

“I was driving home when it happened. I learned two things: First, resistance is futile, it only causes pain and vomiting. Two, my truck is a badass mother and can get out of any ditch I drive it into.”

Hero looked away, suddenly shy. “Sorry,” he said.

Hawk took his face in both hands, chuckling. “Don’t be. I like being here with you.” He felt something rip through his chest when he said that and he flinched, his eyes falling away from Hero’s face, his fingers sliding down to his neck.

“Are you okay?” Hero asked, suddenly worried. Whatever had just happened had reflected in his face somehow and Hero saw it immediately.

“I’m…fine, I think,” Hawk said. He leaned his head forward, resting it on Hero’s chest. “It’s fine…I’m fine.” He could feel Hero’s arms go around him and his lips on the top of his head.

Neither of them said anything for a while, they just sat that way holding each other, for as long as they possibly could, knowing they had to go back soon before people started to worry if they were in a coma or dead. Not that they cared. When they were here, no one else mattered.

“Hero…”

“Hm.”

“I’m not used to any of this.”

“I know.”

“If I start to shut down out there…if I try to run…no matter what, you can’t let me. Promise me.”

“Hawk, if you think I’m going to let you go anywhere without me, you’re high.”

Hawk snorted, kissed Hero’s chest, his throat, and then his mouth. “Yeah, I’m not allowed to do that anymore.”

Hero raised a brow, suddenly curious as to what else Hawk Helman had been involved in before they met.

Hawk smiled, tucking some loose strands behind Hero’s ear, letting his fingers trail slowly down his neck. He swallowed, the smile fading away. “Just…promise me, Hero. Please. Say the words.”

Hero lifted Hawk’s chin with his finger, looking him deep into his bright blue eyes. “I promise I’m not letting you leave me. No matter what happens, no matter how bad things get, no matter how terrified or crazy you may feel. I’m hanging on to you for dear life. In whatever capacity that may be.”

“Kiss me till I leave?”

“I’ll kiss you forever.”

Hawk let his tongue lead the way to Hero’s mouth, piercing beyond his teeth, holding him tightly as their lips moved together, their hands frantically roaming over each other as Hawk leaned forward, laying Hero under him, his hand going under his shirt. He wanted to stay…he wanted to taste more of Hero, feel more of him. 

As he faded back into his body, the last thing he saw was Hero’s bright red eyes gazing back at him, sadness filling them as Hawk disappeared under his hands.

-*-

Toji was waiting for him when he opened his eyes, back on the living room floor, his hands by his face. He stared at them, flexing his fingers back and forth. He had held Hero with these hands, touched his body, felt his hardness on top of him, tasted him. He had crossed a line he had set for himself and had been dangerously close to crossing another one. The thing of it was, he wanted to. He wanted to cross that line, to destroy all the boundaries he had built to protect himself just to be closer to Hero.

“Toji…” Hawk’s voice came out hoarse and cracked.

Toji looked up from his fingers to Hawk’s despondent face.

“Tell me everything about the Veil.”

“Where do you want me to start?”

Hawk’s eyes slid from his hands to the teenager’s face. “Tell me how to hold back my dark energy so I can never hurt Hero Grace ever again.”

-*-