“Dinah-”

“Shut up, I’m thinking.”

“Okay.”

Neil promptly shuts his mouth, tucking his chin to his chest in discomfort. He should’ve known this was going to end up happening when he saw the number of calls and texts he received since his phone’s been dead. Not to mention the ominous feeling that overcame him when he got to the front door a few minutes ago.

Now he’s on his hands and knees, head down like a guilty puppy in front of Dinah who sits cross-legged in her kitchen chair. Her sharp, blue eyes pierce him from above and the picture they make is oddly similar to a queen upon her throne, hearing out the crimes of one of her peasant people. He can already imagine his head rolling at her feet.

“So let me get this straight,” she pinches the bridge of her nose with a hiss of breath, “you got married in Vegas. Then, after ‘coincidentally’ finding the guy you married at the bar, you decided to go back to his apartment with him. And you did… arts and crafts, of all things, until you passed out. And nothing else happened.”

“Sounds about right.” Neil scrunches his nose, knowing full well how weird it sounds. “Obviously I was too drunk to think straight- but everything he said checked out, down to the matching rings. And I guess I just wanted to see what he knew about what I didn’t remember from that night. I swear I didn’t mean to leave you alone on purpose, and I’ll do anything I can to make it up to you.”

He would press his forehead to the floor to try and beg her forgiveness, but he’s too wary of how close her slippers are to his head. She’s not above giving him a light kick or good smack in retaliation for his drunken antics. Hopefully, his explanation is enough to ease her anger by even a little bit.

The first thing he did upon arriving at Dinah’s apartment was tell her everything that happened from the moment they separated. He hadn’t gotten drunk enough to forget everything this time. Which just about saved his life with the way she attacked him when he set one foot through the doorway.

A heavy, deeply exaggerated sigh encourages him to peek up at her from his curly mess of bangs. Rather than a face full of blazing fury, he sees the bags under her eyes and paler than normal complexion. There’s a tickle at the back of his throat and his shoulders droop.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes weakly.

“It’s… fine. Just- don’t do that again, please. I had no idea what to do when you disappeared like that. After you called me, I ran down all the nearby streets and couldn’t even find a trace of you. And the police were absolutely useless because they can’t fill out a missing person’s report unless the person’s been missing for forty-eight hours.”

“You-” Neil blinks. “You called the police?”

Her eyes snap open to shoot a vicious glare his way, all the lines of her face twisting into a nasty snarl. “What did you think was gonna happen when you suddenly vanish, call me saying you’re going to some strange guy’s apartment, and then go radio silent for half a day?!?!”

He grimaces as he listens to her describe the beginning of a true crime documentary. Everything that happened to him since last night felt so unreal, that hearing it put into perspective like that… yeah, it doesn’t look good. He didn’t think he’d be a murderer’s choice of victim, but that doesn’t change the fact that things could have gone a lot worse than they did.

“Nope, yeah you’re right. That’s totally, one hundred percent fair. I’d probably do the same thing.” She clicks her tongue at him but seems a bit more relaxed.

“Honestly. That was a horrible experience and I hope you never touch another drop of alcohol ever again in your life. And I take back what I said before, I hate drunk Neil and I wish I never met him.”

The tension drains from his shoulders, shuffling his feet underneath him to stand up as a playful glint returns to her eyes. “You and me both.”

She matches his small smile with the crumbs of her own. “Right then, so what are you going to do now?”

“What do you mean?” Neil raises a brow, patting the dust from his knees.

“Well, you’re getting divorced right? Are you thinking of getting that done before exams are done or are you going to wait until after? Personally, I think sooner is better than later.” She explains and Neil's entire body freezes.

The question is rhetorical, they both know it is. And yet the silence that follows is damning. Dinah’s head slowly creaks to face him as he turns his head so far away he might as well be looking behind him.

“Neil.”

“Hm?”

“You are getting a divorce, aren’t you?” Her tone is steely and Neil can feel a mist of sweat forming at his hairline. The tension that had slipped away is back in full force now and he gets the urge to tug at his shirt collar.

“Haha, so, funny story-”

“YOU’RE NOT GETTING DIVORCED?!” Dinah shrieks, rattling her chair as she leans so far forward she nearly falls out of it. Neil instantly flings his hands up to catch her.

“I can explain! It’s not as bad as it sounds, and he’s actually a pretty decent guy!”

“Are you still drunk?!”

“I’m not drunk! I swear I’m completely sober! And I was just as sober when I agreed to it.”

“Agreed- I think I’m going to pass out.” She sags into the chair, covering her face with both hands. Neil takes a step forward, ready to help in some way in case she actually does end up passing out. He was lucky to be hungover enough at the time that this conversation didn’t hit him as hard when he had it with Alfred.

“Listen, everything’s alright. We talked about it this morning and we decided to keep things the way they are, no foul play involved. I wasn’t blackmailed or tricked or any of the other horrible things you’re probably thinking about right now.”

She lets out a loud groan that’s just barely muffled through her hands, which she keeps firmly in place. “You’ve lost your mind. Lost it. Poof. This is so incredibly stupid.” She rambles through her fingers.

“I know,” he admits guiltily.

“This could go wrong in so many ways.”

“Or it could be okay?”

Her neck cracks from how fast she snaps her head up to look at him, hands flying out to constrict the arms of the chair. When she speaks again it’s more of a hiss than normal human speech.

“How could something like that be okay?! Why would you agree to something when you don’t even know the guy!”

“It felt alright at the time!”

“What, when you were black-out drunk and vulnerable?!”

“I was scared! Okay?!” His chest is heaving when he raises his voice over hers, practically shouting. Watching her flinch in surprise, he bites the inside of his cheek and forces himself to calm down, shoulders hiking up to his ears. “I was scared.”

“I had to move out of my apartment because my boyfriend, who I thought I was going to marry, cheated on me. And I can make a list of the many reasons why he probably thought it would be a good idea. Despite that, he doesn’t seem to be done tormenting me. I can’t keep up with whatever the hell I want to do with my stupid degree once I graduate, I work at a gas station, and I don’t- I don’t have that much. I really don’t.

“Everything I care about I end up losing, and it happens overnight. I’m scared. All I have left is this shaky path I’m walking right now and you, and I’m scared that I’ll do something to mess that up too. He… this strange man got married to me in Vegas and now he’s offering to help me lessen some of the burdens I’m putting on the people I care about. So yes, I know it’s stupid. But I’d rather be stupid than alone.”

When he’s done speaking the tickle from earlier is now a lump sitting right at the back of his throat. Despite the faint burning at the corners of his eyes, he keeps a steady expression. Although, his gaze is leveled at the floor rather than Dinah who’s gone quiet across from him.

He doesn’t mean to spit all that up and shove it at her that way. The last thing he wants to do is burden his best friend by saying scary things like ‘you’re all I have,’ but it’s true. And still feeling raw and weak from taking so many hits back to back the way he has, it just ended up coming out.

The silence drags on between them and Neil fights the urge to just fall back down to his knees. Would an apology even do anything to help him here? He isn’t sure, but there can’t be any harm in trying.

“I’m sorry.” It’s barely a whisper when it comes out but Dinah hears it anyway.

“No, no you don’t have to… you won’t lose me. Hell, I dare you to try and get rid of me, see how well that goes.” She snickers softly. Neil slowly looks up at her, their eyes meeting and sharing a flicker of something old and familiar. “I just… worry.”

“I know. And I’m sorry for making that worse too.” He smiles and she returns it.

“We both have our flaws, it’s what makes us human. But it doesn’t make us bad people, and it definitely doesn’t make our friendship that fragile.” Taking a deep breath and stretching her back until it pops, Dinah turns her attention to him with a renewed energy. “Tell me about it then. The whole deal you made with Mr. Stranger that made the most sensible and logic minded person I know agree to do something so dumb.”

Neil can’t help the quiet chuckle that slips out of him. But still, he takes a seat beside her and tells her about the conversation he had with Alfred. At one point he goes and gets the ring he’s kept forgotten in the drawer of his bedside table. She fiddles with it in mute awe as he brings up details he brushed over during his first run-through of the story.

By the time everything is all said and done, they’re both more mellow than when Neil first walked through the front door. He kept too many things from her when this all started and he figured it would help nobody to keep doing it.

“I’ll be honest with you.” She begins.

“You always are.” He cuts in. Dinah rolls her eyes and lightly shoves him with her elbow.

“Shush. I won’t pretend like I’m okay with this whole thing, because I’m your friend. But, whatever it is you want to do, I’ll still back you up on it.”

Neil grins, a tsunami of relief crashing into him at her response.

“Thanks. I appreciate it.”

“You won’t for long. After all, you’re obligated to introduce him to me. A guy that can’t go through me can’t get you. If you’re staying married to some random alpha from Vegas, then I get to personally vet him.”

“Are you serious, Dinah?” Neil chuckles as she crosses her arms, tilting her chin up in defiance.

“Deadly. I mean, he bought you matching rings with his own money? Sounds way too good to be true. And weirdly romantic. Also, how dare you get married without me? You promised that I’d get to be your maid of honor, and not only was I not there but you let some other girl be your maid of honor? The betrayal-!”

~

“So she’s okay with it?” Alfred’s voice sounds tinny through his phone speaker.

Neil twists the silver band around his ring finger, still impressed with how perfectly it fits, as he recalls Dinah’s conclusion to the whole situation. Basically, she agreed to chill out if she got to meet Alfred and confirm he’s not a murderer.

“For the most part. I think tolerate is a better word for it. She wants to meet you first before really deciding, y’know, to make sure you’re not a weird creeper or anything.” Neil roughly summarizes, making sure to omit the colorful and aggressive threats she made toward his blissfully unaware husband-turned-friend.

“That’s awesome! I can do tomorrow morning if that works? I love meeting new people.” Alfred answers enthusiastically.

“I can tell.” Neil shakes his head. “I have to warn you though, she'll give you the shovel talk and make you feel like you're already halfway in the grave. Dinah’s not harmless, but she means well.”

As Neil says this, he tilts his head to the side to catch a glimpse of where Dinah stands in the kitchen. She violently whacks a dish towel against the counter where a fly used to be. It’s likely not alive, or even still on the countertop.

“Aw, she can’t be that bad!”

“Sure...”