“That’s where I wanna go.”

I pointed at the map I found in Father’s study. Smiling, Mom took it out of my hands and rolled it back up. 

“Kat, you know that only grown-ups are allowed to leave the island. And make sure Dad doesn’t know you’ve been messing around in his study again.”

She sighed. 

“You know how he gets.”

She was right. Father had a bad habit of throwing a fit in his study whenever he got the slightest bit cross. It’s only gotten worse ever since I started talking about wanting to leave the island. Not that it mattered all that much to me how he felt, but it was true that his childlike behavior was a huge pain for everybody else - especially Mom, who often had to convince him to eat his vegetables at dinner.

“But I am a grown-up!”

I frowned and reached for the map. Mom raised it further out of my reach. 

“If you’re a grown-up, then why aren’t you tall enough to get this here map?”

Arm raised high, Mom dangled the rolled-up map above my head.

“Well Mother, that’s a good point. But I would ask that you consider the true measure of my age as not only by physical size, but also my mental maternity.”

Mom laughed.

“Don’t you mean your ‘mental maturity?’”

I scowled and looked away. 

“I said what I said.”

I heard the front door open - Father was back. 

“I’m home!”

Father’s voice echoed throughout the house. Mom’s smile disappeared.

“I said I’m home!”

He spoke louder this time. Father learned to project his voice during his stint as an actor on ‘the big stage,’ as he called it. That was where he met Mom. She was playing the beautiful damsel in distress waiting to be saved, and he was playing the dashing hero she fell in love with. And I guess somewhere along the way, their acting became something real. 

“Dammit, David. Wait one second, will you? I’ll be there in a second!”

Mom sighed and handed me the map. 

“Just make sure your Dad doesn’t find out, okay? I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.”

“Thanks, Mom. I’ll be in my room.”

I closed the door behind me and sat with the map at my desk. Father’s booming voice could still clearly be heard through the wall, and though faint, I could also hear Mom gently helping him settle in.

“How was work today? Have you heard anything new from Torrey?”

I traced my finger around Torrey on the map. It was a small town on the northern side of the island, and had been the victim of several raids by pirates looking for an easy target.

“No, thank God. But the attacks have been pushing further and further inland. Hell, the next one might even reach us.”

There was a brief pause before Mom broke the silence. 

“Do you think we’ll be okay?”

“How would I know? My God, woman. Every day I work myself to the bone to provide for this family and as soon as I get home, I’m pelted with pointless questions from my own wife. Well, let’s say I think the next time they sail by, they’ll run through everyone on the island! Does that answer your question?”

“David, not so loud! What if Kat hears you?”

“So what if the girl hears? You’ve sheltered her for far too long. If not for you, she would’ve learned something useful by now. Instead, all she does is play with my maps and make a mess of my study - by the way, you haven’t let her in today, right?”

“Of course not. Now, you go and get settled. I’ll tell you when I have dinner ready.”

Grumbling and heavy footsteps made their way down the hall, and then the door to Father’s study opened and slammed shut. Another heavy sigh from Mom was followed by lighter footsteps leading toward the kitchen. 

A minute later, I heard the door to Father’s study swing back open. Heavy footsteps crossed the hallway into the kitchen. 

“Mary, I thought you said you haven’t let Kat into my study.”

“I haven’t! Why, is something wrong?”

“Don’t you lie to me. My map’s gone missing again. I know the kid’s taken it. Every time it goes missing, it’s because of her. Where is she?”

“I don’t know, but won’t you just let her have your map for a little while longer? She’s already taken it, and you know how happy it makes her. Just until dinner’s ready.”

“Of course not; I need it now. I bet she’s got it in her room somewhere.”

Two pairs of footsteps came quickly toward my door, before stopping just outside my room. 

“David, please don’t be too harsh on her. You know she’s a little scared of you.”

What? No, I’m not. He’s Father. How could I be scared of him?

My door swung open and hit the wall with a loud thud. Father stomped his way over to me, glaring at the map on my desk. His hands were balled up into fists. My heart jumped into my throat. Mom came in after him and grabbed him by his arm. 

“David, please! Calm down.”

Father waved her aside. 

“I am calm!” He was not calm.

He turned back around and glared at me. I’d never seen him like this before. If I’d known that taking his map again would make him this angry, I never would’ve done it. But as I looked into the face of the man standing over me, I found myself wishing desperately for him to be anyone else besides Father. Not that I’d known Father to be a particularly nice person before. But how could a man who had raised me as a parent look at me with eyes so full of malice? I didn’t want to believe it, but there he was.

Instinctively I raised my arms over my face. His expression softened. Father snatched up his map from my desk and walked out of my room - quieter this time, grumbling something along the lines of “don’t do it again.”

Mom sighed and went back to cooking. She’s been doing that a lot lately. I sighed too. It made me feel more grown-up.

Moments later a call came from the kitchen. 

“Dinner’s ready!”

I’m hungry. I ran over to the dining room and set the table. Father walks in a while later, after the dishes had already been brought out. He’s scowling and muttering something under his breath. We all sit down to eat, but I can’t look Father in the eye. 

“David, eat your vegetables.”

Father frowned. 

“But I don’t want to.”

“Don’t be like this. Just eat the damn asparagus.”

“Dad, it’s good for you!”

Father turned his frowning face to me. 

“Shut your mouth.”

I promptly shut up. 

“David! Don’t you talk to Kat like that!”

“She’s my kid, too. I’ll talk to her however I damn well please.”

“God! Why are you always like this? Why can’t you just shut the hell up for once and eat your damn vegetables?”

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do in my own house!”

“Mom, please stop fighting.”

I trembled, barely managing to get my voice out past the lump in my throat. 

“All I ever hear from you as soon as I get home is your bitching and moaning. I’m sick and tired of it.”

“What are you, five? All I asked you to do was eat the food on your plate.”

Father turned to me. 

“See, Kat? This is all your mother’s good for - nagging and nagging at me all damn day ‘til I can’t take it no more.”

I shook my head. 

“That’s not right. Dad, please stop fighting.”

“See, Mary? Keep bitching in front of the kid. See how far that gets you!”

“Oh, you’re such an asshole. Don’t you pull Kat into this.”

“What the hell are you gonna do about it?”

“Please stop fighting.”

“What do you think, Kat? Aren’t you tired of hearing your mom’s nagging all the damn time too?”

“Stop fighting!”

I could barely see them through the tears in my eyes. 

“See those tears there, Mary? You just had to go and make the kid cry!”

“Oh, don’t you try and turn this around on me. She’s crying because you’re a poor excuse for a father!”

“What, I’m the problem here? You don’t think you had a hand in this? If anything, you were the one who was with her all day, not me. How do we know this isn’t your fault?”

“God, I should’ve listened to my father. Ever since he met you he’d been telling me you were full of crap. What the hell did I even see in you back then?”

“Stop fighting!”

“You’re a terrible husband. You’ve always been a terrible husband. I can’t believe I used to love you!”

“Mom, you don’t love Dad anymore?”

“What the hell was I thinking when I let you knock me up?”

“So now you think you’re better than me? I didn’t force you to get hitched with me. Actually, if I remember right, you were the one pushing me to tie the knot! Even then, all I heard from you was your bitching.”

“You’re supposed to love each other!”

“David, you know what the worst part of being married to you is?”

“Why don’t you tell me?”

“It’s when I wake up every morning just to see that you’re still there on the other side of the bed. It’s when I see you walk up to our front yard and realize you’ve come home. It’s when I pray every night that the next time I see you, you’ll be fucking dead!”

The room fell silent. Mom collapsed into her chair, her eyes wet. I looked back and forth between Mom and her husband - neither could stand to look at the other. 

The awkward silence was interrupted by a series of loud knocks at the door. 

“Christ, what the hell is it now?”

David slowly walked over to the door as the knocking got louder. As soon as he turned the knob the door swung open to reveal a gasping Billy Jean Davis. 

Billy Jean Davis was our neighbor. He came over often to play with me and gossip with Mom. This regularly brought jealous grumblings from David, despite repeated assurances from Billy Jean’s husband that he had a marked distaste for vagina.

“David, tell everyone to get what they can and run to the south shore. The town’s issued an evacuation order.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s another pirate raid in the north. But this time, they’re apparently moving south way faster than before. At the rate they’re going, they’ll probably be at our asses in a few minutes.”

“Thanks, Billy Jean. I’ll see you at the south shore.”

“You guys hurry and run. I’m going to go tell the Fischers.”

The Fischers were the only family in town with a seafood allergy.

The three of us scrambled to grab what we could. I came out of my room with Fluffy and my entire allowance. Fluffy was my pet teddy bear.

We walked out of the house and into a world of screams and blood and fire. I felt lightheaded - it was my first time seeing so much blood at once. The north side of the island was covered in a horizon of smoke that carried prayers of the townsfolk toward the heavens. 

The next few moments were a blur. We ran as fast as we could - my lungs filled with smoke and ash; the air itself scorched and singed my skin. My feet hurt. At some point, I dropped Fluffy and half my allowance. David didn’t let me go back for them. My feet really hurt. I put what remained of my allowance into my pockets - I didn’t want to lose any more of it. 

The south shore was already in shambles by the time we arrived. Everywhere there were people screaming, running out of their burning homes carrying whatever valuables they thought they could save. It was futile - pirates were waiting just outside their door.

It was my first time seeing pirates. They were ugly creatures, ransacking the town with smiles that showed more holes than teeth. Their laughter mixed with the townsfolk’s screams - after a while, I couldn’t tell which was which. Maybe the pirates were screaming and the townsfolk laughing.

What the pirates apparently hadn’t noticed yet were the boats and rafts docked at the south shore. Amidst the chaos, David pushed us behind buildings and foliage toward the beach. We all knew what he was thinking - none of us said a word. 

The boats came into sight. They were small things - each was typically used by a single person. Far from the large vessels the townsfolk used to leave the island, I often used these with my friends to play pretend pirate games.

As far as we could see, the coast was clear for us to dash toward the boats - we were probably the first ones here. David turned to face the two of us. 

“We run at the count of three. Ready?”

I pointed at my foot. 

“I twisted my ankle. It still hurts.”

“Shit, it’s swollen. Why didn’t you bring this up earlier?”

“David, hurry and pick her up so she isn’t putting more weight on that foot. You’ll have to carry her to the boats.”

“Fine.”

David lifted me over his shoulder. 

“We run when I count to three.”

Mom nodded. 

“One…”

I could see the pirates behind us turn and notice the boats docked at the beach.

“Two…”

They shouted at each other and began to run toward us, weapons drawn.

“Three!”

We ran. With me in his arms, David sprinted across the sand, Mom just lagging behind. But looking over his shoulder, I could see the pirates quickly getting closer. I wondered how they were running so fast. The thought was still on my mind when one of them got close enough for him to plunge his blade through Mom’s chest.

It all happened so quickly - hearing Mom cry out in pain, David hesitated to turn around for the slightest fraction of a second - just enough time for something hard to hit the back of my head. My world went black. 

___________________________________________________________________

I awoke on a small boat, bobbing back and forth alongside gentle waves. It was the kind of boat I used to play pirates with. I could still see the island, but by now it was covered in houses and buildings aflame, like a distant bonfire that lit up the night sky. Large trails of smoke curled upwards, then withered away in the breeze. Were they the ashes of the town’s buildings or its people?

I thought that from the boat, the island looked so small. Despite its cause, the burning island was so morbidly beautiful. It was a haven where I had been protected and sheltered from all the vices of the world - the same things that now consume the only place in the world I call home. The fire was warm. As I drifted away, I offered a quick prayer for the people I couldn’t see anymore. It was the same kind of prayer I would say with Mom every night. The island was a funeral pyre and my loved ones were the recently passed.

I looked down at my bloodstained clothes. My arms and legs were covered in red handprints. They were Dad’s. In my pockets, I still had half my allowance. I didn’t want it anymore.