Could my life get any worse? No, I'm saying I wish it would—at least then I'd forget about my crappy problems.

Hopelessness was her anthem as May stared at her phone. A white, dusty box fan blew pieces of her hair across her face, tickling the bridge of her nose. Tired eyes scanned every app she opened on the little glowing screen before her. Zero new messages. Zero Snaps. Zero signs of anyone from the outside world taking interest in her life. Her body grew limp on her bed. With the flourescent lights dulled in her room to match her mood, she laid her head against a messy stack of pillows.

Once more, she picked up her phone to check and see if she had received anything from a contact only listed as “T”.

Apparently, they love me not.

Face-planting into that pillow, she could still smell T in her room, imagine their gentle hand on her face, and picture how they last whispered “I love you” before completely ghosting her without a trace.

May was left with nothing but silence, sadness, and the sound of her room-mate knocking frantically against her door.

“Not now,” May shouted, her voice muffled by a pillow.

Despite her stated boundary, Phoebe was Phoebe and she barged in anyway. “I've been going down a TikTok rabbit hole!” she declared. “Wanna know what I discovered?”

May assumed that if she laid very still and pretended to be as dead as she felt, perhaps she'd be left alone.

No chance.

Phoebe sat down at the edge of the bed, jarring May's body in the process. “Check this out!” Phoebe said, fingers scrolling at lightning speed on her phone. Those bright red nails tapped along her smudged screen protector.

Brushing strands of blue-dyed hair out of her eyes, May asked, “Didn't you get banned from TikTok?”

“They can try all they want but this girl knows her way around a VPN, that's for sure.”

Under duress, May sat hanging her head down for some time as Phoebe guided her through a TikTok journey on that iPhone with the three cracks down the middle of the screen. So much for the screen protector. Noticing how heavy her body felt, May recognized that it wasn't simply due to boredom from her overwhelming room-mate. No, the sensations holding her body down were memories of T showing her the videos they would save for her.

What a blast from the past that I just don't need right now.

“You don't happen to want to go a hike, do you?” Phoebe said it like it was supposed to be enticing.

May's right eye twitched. “I'll pass.”

“You sure? Come on. Don't tell me you've actually got something more fun planned for spring break.” Phoebe stood up, taking her phone with her. “It'll be sweet!”

Collapsing back onto her bed, May felt the softness of the mattress on her face. “Sorry.”

“Eh, you'll take me up on it, eventually.”

“Let me mope in peace, will you?”

“Miss Mopey May.” Phoebe threw herself down on a chair. “Can't make being depressed about your break-up into your whole personality, now, can you?”

“Watch me.”

“What else can I look at in here? Sheesh.”

From there, Phoebe began some ramble that May tuned out because she couldn't have cared less if she legitimately cared less. Closing her eyes, she felt her body carry her to the brink of sleep, what with her heavy eyes getting heavier. May was soothing, drifting, letting herself go by the thread she barely hung from. 

A subtle little whisper burrowed it's way into her ear: “May? Oh, May? Wake up, May, darling.” She didn't recognize the voice, not at all.

Throttling her body upward, she gasped. Sweat coated her forehead.

“Did you have a nightmare?” There was Phoebe, packing a suitcase for some reason.

“Um. . .” May rubbed her eyes. She was too disoriented from the sound of a stranger whispering into her ear.

“Or are you just crazy?”

The annoyance creeping into her very bones, May growled, “Not crazy. I'm not the one, at least.”

“You sure about that?”

“Positive.” Sadly, May looked toward the window and thought about T, again. She thought about how sweet it had been when she would wake up from a nightmare only to fall into T's arms for them to comfort her. But that would never be her reality again.

“If you're gonna go crazy,” Phoebe said, “at least give me a warning. That way, I can hide the sporks.”

“Once again,” May insisted, “I am not crazy.”

In fact, she told herself she was “not crazy” the entire time she got up, changed her clothes, did her hair, put on a bit of makeup, and grabbed her keys. May told herself she wasn't crazy as she rushed to her car, avoiding every friend who waved hello along the way. Even moreso, she assured herself she definitely wasn't crazy the entire way across town until she parked her car in front of T's apartment, scraping her tire against the curb.

Standing there at the door of the one who once loved her, May gulped. Did she have it in her to confront T for abandoning her out of nowhere? Absolutely no clue. The sun beat down extremely hot onto the back of her neck. Staring into the peephole, she reached for the doorbell yet couldn't quite make the connection. A painful lump formed at the back of her throat.

Okay, she thought, her arms and legs shaking.

This might be a little crazy.