Eve and Irene got back home from the trip, feeling energized, happy and satisfied. It was a successful trip. Time passed and they got into the daily rhythm of things. After a while Eve didn’t feel the need to keep as strictly to all her new routines and healthy behaviors, instead relaxing a bit and doing things more freely. Things started to feel almost normal, although thoughts of her sobriety were still always there at the back of her mind, but now the thoughts weren’t as all consuming as they had been for a long time. 

Eve’s friends from university, not the ones who had robbed and left her lying in an alley, but the ones that she grew apart from as they didn’t party as much as she had after graduating university, invited her to a small reunion of sorts. Although it hadn’t been that many years since they graduated, they wanted to reconnect and Eve thought it would be a good idea to meet up with them, as she had missed them as well. 

“Are you sure it’s a good idea? They might be drinking…”, Irene said, sounding a bit hesitant, as she heard about Eve’s plan to visit her old friends. 

“I’m sure it’ll be fine. I don’t think it’ll be like a party.”, Eve replied reassuringly.  

“Still… Should you tell them about getting sober? Just to make sure…”, Irene suggested, still cautious. 

“Don’t worry, baby, even if they drink, I won’t. I promise.”, Eve assured, feeling confident. Things had been going so well, surely other people having a glass of wine wouldn’t mess her up? She would be fine. 

“Okay, but call me immediately if something happens.”, Irene implored.  

“Of course!”, Eve promised. 

It wasn’t in Eve’s nature to think too deeply and seriously about things, so Irene was worried that maybe Eve was taking this too lightly. It was the first time since getting sober that Eve would be around people who were drinking after all. How could she be so sure that she wouldn’t be tempted? It really would be better if someone who knew about her struggles with sobriety was there with her… Irene trusted Eve to call if she needed her, but she was still worried. 

Eve got ready to leave to meet her friends, she dressed up and left feeling determined. As her driver dropped her off, she started feeling a bit nervous, she was a social person, but she felt a bit awkward about seeing her old friends again. Eve wished she could take something for the nerves… but no, she shouldn’t. Eve knocked on the door and was greeted warmly by the host, Rachel, who gave her a hug. 

“Hi! Evie! Long time no see, girl!”, Rachel exclaimed as she hugged her in the doorway before ushering her inside. 

“Yes, it’s been awhile.”, Eve agreed with a smile, immediately feeling more at ease as there didn’t seem to be any awkwardness between them. 

“Come in, come in!”, another friend, Wendy, urged her. “Here, take this, Vivi.”, Wendy said as she put a glass of champagne in Eve’s hand before she could decline. Her old friends all had different nicknames for her, which she had missed as it was kind of fun, even if it also was a bit chaotic. Eve didn’t have time to say much as everyone was greeting her and hugging her as they ushered her further inside the house. Eve held on to the welcome drink as she didn’t know where to put it, at least that’s what she told herself. 

They were all gathered and sitting in the living room, chatting and catching up, the room was filled with laughter and loud voices. They were a chatty group of outgoing people and Eve fit right in. Or she would have, normally. This time, she gradually quieted down after the initial enthusiastic and chaotic start. The drink in her hand tried to get her attention, Eve tried to focus on the conversations, but her thoughts and eyes kept being drawn towards the cold glass in her hand. She was fighting a silent battle, trying to seem like nothing was wrong. Everyone else also had glasses in their hands, sipping from them without thinking anything of it. For them, it wasn’t a big deal. Maybe she should just take a sip to be polite? She wouldn’t want to put the glass down somewhere and risk it getting spilled. Maybe just this glass, it wasn’t even filled all the way up, and then she would be done with it and not accept any more drinks? A drop won’t kill you, Eve thought to herself. But before she could come to a conclusion, Kaden, clinked their glass to signal a speech. 

“Clink, clink! So nice to see you all! I won’t give a long speech, but I just wanted to say that I’m so glad that we could meet up like this. Thank you to Rachel for hosting this. Cheers! ”, Kaden held up their glass and before Eve could even really register it she realized that she had automatically raised her own glass and the liquid in it was now on its way down her throat. Not wanting to make a scene, even though she was internally panicking, Eve tried to smile and seem calm. After the first shock of what she had done passed, she gauged how she felt. Not so bad? It wasn’t that bad. It was just a little bit of champagne. No worries. She was fine. It wasn’t the end of the world. No one died. She was fine. No big deal. It was basically an accident, right? She didn’t even really mean to do it, so she couldn’t be blamed for it. It wasn’t a conscious choice. 

“You okay, Evvy?”, Kaden asked Eve as they came and sat down next to Eve. Everyone else was caught in their own conversations and no one seemed to be paying attention to them. 

“Oh, yeah, totally! Just spacing out ha ha.”, Eve dismissed Kaden’s worries, as she snapped into focus, realizing that she must have been looking troubled even though she had tried not to. Lost in her own thoughts, close to spiraling. She and Kaden soon got into a conversation, which helped distract Eve from her own thoughts. The rest of the evening went on and Eve gradually became more like herself, chatting cheerily and having a good time. 

Unfortunately, after not feeling any effect from the glass of champagne Eve decided it would be okay to drink a little, just as long as she didn’t get drunk, it was only polite, she reasoned. So, her friends kept pouring her drinks as soon as her glass was empty. If a drop wouldn’t kill her, neither would she drown in a bucket, she had broken her sobriety so she might as well make it count. By the end of the night she was beyond buzzed and no one batted an eye as they were all used to her being like this. It suddenly made Eve sad. That this was how she was, that this was how they saw her. On the way home, in the back of the car, Eve called Irene. Eve cried and apologized, cried some more and felt sick to her stomach, not just from the drinks, but from shame and guilt. She passed out, sprawled over the backseat and woke up with a killer headache the next morning in her own bed. Irene was there with her, stroking her hair, with a sad look on her face. 

.

After her relapse Eve started going to support groups regularly to help her with her recovery journey. There she learned that relapses are a common part of the change process and that you should rather view them as an opportunity to learn more about what factors trigger you to return to old behaviors and a chance to adjust your strategies accordingly.