LIAM

It’s been three weeks and four days since the movie.

Three weeks and four days since I met Magnus, Ransom, Wilder, and Theo.

From what I could tell, Magnus is Oscar’s best friend and xe really likes fancy hats. Ransom is Magnus’ boyfriend and has a giant collection of skirts, or so I’m told. Magnus uses xe/he pronouns - I’ve never heard of xe/xem, but I think it’s pretty cool that xe can use pronouns that make xem comfortable, and have friends who support xem - and Ransom uses he/him, like me. Wilder uses they/them pronouns, and plays the trombone. Theo (short for Theophilus, isn’t that cool?) uses ey/em, which I’ve also never heard before, but I try my best, and despises sports with an impressive passion, which, okay, rude. 

So, yeah. I think Oscar’s friends are pretty great.

I wish I had friends like that. Friends like me. Friends who understood me, who weren’t just people on my teams. Like the baseball guys - I’m convinced none of them actually like me. But it’s not like I particularly like them, either, so it’s okay.

Speaking of.

“Hey, Liam!” It’s Christian, our shortstop. “Why’ve you been avoiding us? Do you hate us now?”

The truth is, I have been avoiding them. Ever since I met Oscar’s friends - no, ever since I met Oscar - I keep realizing what life could be like for me, if I had friends like Oscar’s. That I could have friends like that. Also, I’ve been spending a lot of time texting with Oscar and blocking out the world around me, so that hasn’t really left a lot of time in my schedule for enduring the impromptu outside-of-practice hangouts that my team holds so dear. 

And, well, I’ve always sort of hated them, just a little bit, but that was more to do with me and less to do with them. I guess I was jealous, or something, of the way they could just be, the way that everything was so effortless for them. 

Of course, I see them at practice, but our coach, Tyler’s dad, heavily discourages talking during training, so it’s easy for me to just pretend I’m following his rules.

I look around at my team. Ethan and Evan are whispering conspiratorially, but then again, they always are. Honestly, I kind of ship it. Jason, Caleb, and Tyler are snickering about something, probably something stupid and immature, some kind of sex joke. Tyler has this insane ability to make everything sexual. Everything. Michael is loudly chewing gum, and Josh is grinning at something he said. Christian and Luke and Logan are looking at me expectantly, and Matthew is looking at the ground, head bowed, foot scuffing the floor.

Because Matthew and I, we have a history. And it’s not exactly a history that I’m proud of.

“No, of course not! I just,” I’m not really sure what to say, no excuses come to mind. “I’ve just been really busy, is all. I wasn’t avoiding you.”

Christian makes a face like he doesn't believe me, and he shouldn’t, it was a lie, after all. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want him to. Luke and Logan no longer appear to care, and Matthew is still avoiding looking at me. Which is fine, because I would like to avoid any interaction with him at all costs.