Cosplay = short for costume play = dressing up as a character from an anime, manga, film or even band. The people involved often try to get as close to the original character in looks as they can, but also in personality and accents and things like that. Some of the costumes can take months or longer to make, and trying to find the right materials to recreate something can be a real adventure. But that is what I enjoy about doing it, the adventure, the challenge.

Now

I never really thought much about how other people look at girls who cosplay as female characters. Sure, I've had my fair share of moments of staring at a girl in a sexy outfit or something, but that was always because, you know, that was normal, I enjoy looking at women who dress nicely. And some of the guys cosplaying as female characters can be very over-the-top in the way of combining their masculinity with the female character's outfit. But for me, that's about how much I think about these things. Usually.

The thing is, I'm not broad, I'm not bulky, I'm not even tall. So, while I can easily cosplay the lankier male characters from anime, the really masculine characters were never on the spectrum of what I thought I could pull off to begin with. And then there has been something else that I've been hoping to one day cosplay as, but I'd never really shared it with others...

I've always wanted to cosplay a female character, a magical girl character specifically. There's just something about them, in their strength and their cheeriness that always attracted me to them. Well, that and the dresses... I don't know. It's always been one of those things I wished I could do, I wished I could pull off. But I never had the courage to do so, never had the courage to actually do it. I've always been too scared, too anxious, too nervous.

But not this year, this year I'm going to crossplay Aoi from the Magical Princess Club anime. And I'm really really nervous.

Most conventions like these I go to with a group of friends but this year they're too busy working during summer break. They're trying to save up money for a gaming convention later this year, so they don't want to spend it all on this convention first. Well, most of them anyway, one of my friends is still here, Mya. I'm pretty sure that she wouldn't skip any anime or gaming convention that she could attend, within reason.

But I appreciate that I won't be doing this on my own for the first time, that I'm not fully alone this weekend. Though Mya will probably be off doing her own thing this weekend most of the time anyway. She's not as much into cosplaying as the rest of us are, she's here for the swag, the collectibles and the fan-items. The most she's ever done for cosplay is putting on a pair of dark jeans, a white t-shirt, some smudged eyeliner and fussing her short hair a little. I don't really think that can even be considered 'cosplay' to be honest. But I don't mind that she's not into it, it means that when we travel together she can drag some of my props and bags too, since she won't have as many. Gotta make use of our situation somehow, right? It's not like she doesn't use me being her friend either, especially when we go to game releases and she makes me stand in line as she talks to people she already knows. What else are friends for?

Of course, when I'm nervous I start thinking in weird ways and rambling inside my head. This AmAnime that's even worse than normal because I'm doing something different, I'm stepping outside of my comfort zone. Luckily, most people here don't really know me, so I don't feel as scared of their judgements, and Mya already knows me well enough that she won't even raise an eyebrow. This year is the first year I'm not just cosplaying, I'm crossplaying, and even my non-cosplay outfits are a bit more on the feminine side of things.

What most of my friends I normally attend cons with don't know is that I crossdress on a regular base. I wear women's clothes, dresses, skirts, frilly shirts, things like that. I usually also wear a wig with it, since my hair is way too short to do anything interesting with. Mya is the one who has helped me out a lot with this in the past, she's great. It's always nice to have someone on your side who at least understands you somewhat. Or, well, someone who doesn't mind answering silly questions mostly.

I take a deep breath as I walk into the front hall of the event, a little nervous as I keep looking around me. Today I'm wearing a unisex dark cotton skirt with chains and a fishnet shirt. It's not exactly crossdressing, but it's still on the more androgynous side of things. My other option for his outfit was a cute and frilly shirt, but I don't have the guts to put that on today, not for the opening of the event. I may feel better later in the evening, but for right now, I'm not doing it. I just spent twenty minutes in front of a mirror doing my make-up while Mya was on the bed reading a manga. It took her not even two minutes to put on some eyeliner and be done with it.

"Elliot!" Mya waves, motioning for me to come over.

"You were suddenly gone." I glare at her.

"Yeah, sorry. Saw someone. Don't worry, I'm not running off again. You want to wait here or go outside for a moment?" Mya keeps moving.

"Let's go outside." It's seriously hot this weekend, and I'm not so sure anymore if the cosplays I've got planned for the event will be a good idea, they may be too hot. Though, once you're through the front hall, the main halls are usually pretty okay in temperature. But right now, it may be a little less overly hot outside.

We walk to the doors at the front, showing our festival bracelets to the guy at the doors as we step outside. Outside it's just as hot as inside, but at least there is a little breeze.

We go over to some picnic tables and sit down. Mya pulls out her phone, scrolling through a couple of things and then shows me the screen.

"We really need to find that stand tomorrow." She grins. She's showing me a picture of a stand with what appears to be fanart of some popular manga and anime, including some fan-made mangas. "Their description lists it as having some Destruction of Elysium anime fanart."

"Really?" I take her phone, trying to find something in the picture that could tell me more, but it's too small and there is too much going on. "Do you think they'll have some Deimos and Athena art? That would be awesome." Destruction of Elysium is a video game that they also made some anime seasons of. Right now they're not running a new season, the last one was last winter season, but there has been some really interesting fanart of two of the main characters. I cosplayed Deimos last year at this convention. "Maybe I should have gone as Deimos this year too... They could have given me a discount." I grin.

Mya smiles, shaking her head. "I don't know. I don't think that they really would do things like that though... Plus, hey, you finally get to do what you like most, a magical girl."

I nod, though my smile falters a little. "Still, I wish you'd have also done something, I'll feel so obvious when I'm playing Aoi on my own tomorrow."

Mya keeps smiling. "I know that you'll be fine. There's nothing to worry about. The cosplay looks great and I'll already be carrying your things, remember?" She grins now. "I'll be your mule all weekend."

I reach out to her and she takes my hand, squeezing it a little.

"You know that I'm right." Mya winks.

"Yeah, I know." I sigh. "Just nerves."

"I know." Her gaze softens. "They'll be gone tomorrow. Like always, you'll get into character, and all the nerves will be gone."

"Yeah." I squeeze her hand too.

From behind us, someone raises their voice. "The opening ceremony is about to start. Anyone who wants to watch, you better get inside."

I grin, standing up. AmAnime always has really cool opening ceremonies, with acts and cosplayers and some actors and things like that who will be here this weekend will also be on stage. It's an experience.

Time to start the weekend.

***

I check myself in the mirror again. This morning I woke up and I immediately knew that something was going on... Of course, I had a stupid cold sore on my lip and now I have to hide it with make-up. I'm just hoping it doesn't get too much worse. You can't really see anything right now, it's just itchy, but that doesn't mean that it won't be visible in another hour or two.

"Elliot." Mya sighs, standing in the doorway. "You can't cover it more than you already have, unless you pull a bag over your head, but that would ruin your hair."

I glare her way. There is no way I'm letting anything near my hair, the twin pony tails with ribbons were hard enough to put in the first time.

"Well then." She shrugs. "It's covered. I'll tell you if something starts sneaking out again or something." She's just a little too relaxed for me.

"Yeah, yeah..." I take a deep breath. "Can I just be nervous for a bit?" I fluff at the hem of the dress, making the ruffles more even.

"You've been nervous all morning, and last night, and the whole of last week." Mya rolls her eyes. "I kind of want to get to one or two stands before they run out of prints."

"I know, I know." I push away from the sink. "I guess it's time to get moving then."

"Yay." Mya grins. "Finally."

"Hey." I glare her way again, but can't help my own smile. She's right. I've been trying to hide in here long enough.

I get out of the bathroom and give Mya my wallet before I slide my phone into the top of my dress. If you don't have anything to fill the top with yourself, it makes a great spot for phone storage.

"You'll be fine, you know that." Mya puts her hand on my arm. "You look great. The cosplay is spot on. Not many people are going to take a second look."

"I just." I sigh. "I don't want to look strange. I don't want people to like... stare at me and stuff."

"Everyone is going to stare, but that's because your cosplays are always really good. You know that. This time the only difference is that you feel different about being dressed like this. You felt like that when you started crossdressing too, remember? And now you're actually crossplaying one of your favourite characters of all time at an event. I'm pretty sure that's brave and cool." She smiles. Mya is always my biggest supporter, even when I don't always deserve it. Like when I complain way too much to her.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

I nod. "Let's go."

Time to face the world, time to do this. Time to be someone I really want to be for the day.

Time to not stumble and fall flat on my face the first time someone looks my way.

My stomach is all in knots and I feel a little sick from nerves...

Why did I think this was a good idea again?