Once lost, Now found

Chapter five

Cas

The next day came, no different from the day before. We'd both get up and drink coffee without even so much as a passing word. But it still felt so comfortable. We had made a makeshift temporary bed in the spare room with all the spare duvets I had in bags. In his words, 'it was hella more comfortable than sleeping on a park bench' it confused me, but I guess with Luca anything is better than the streets, yet it didn't stop me from browsing the many online stores for a cheap bed with very quick delivery. I wondered why it was so important to me that I needed to buy him a bed, if he's only staying for a short time. Even clothes, he had practically nothing. After he took the quick trip back to the bar I found him near, he came back with a backpack he left behind, that contained only one other set of clothes and a few essentials. I shouldn't feel sorry for him like I do, because to him it would be way too pitiful and make him look and feel weak, He's anything but. 

Watching him in my grandmother's garden, I saw a side to him that made him shine that much brighter. He was actually enjoying himself. It needed a lot of work really, it could well go into the couple of weeks mark. I was hoping it would, I liked his company, even in the moments of silence. Yet he was kind of cocky and funny. I found myself laughing a lot more than I have of late, it almost seemed like he could see when I was feeling quite not myself, so he'd automatically become a class clown.

Was I always like that though? Down and boring. Maybe that's what Scott got sick of, my boring attitude to life. He had said on more than one occasion that I was boring. I didn't interact much with his group of friends. They were all very different from me, but my problem was that I couldn't seem to get myself out of my ways, the way I grew up, lonely and liking that solace. I worked a lot, I worked my fingers to the bones sometimes because it made me feel like a someone. Watching the joy on the customers faces as they enjoyed my food. I liked the good critique, I liked how it made me feel and anything else beyond that was just a facade, a mask I put on to make my life just that little bit easier. Ultimately it became my downfall and I lost everything that meant so much to me. I just didn't realize until it was all gone.

"Hey Cas!... .do you know if you want, like a veggie patch!?" He shouted from across the garden. I shrugged my shoulders. Maybe it would be nice to grow my own things, but I knew I wouldn't keep up with it. I'm just no good at that kind of thing. Then he walked towards me, I watched his slow saunt, the sweat on his brow, that messy dark hair. I felt it, looking at him, like the thumping of my heart. "Hey?"

"Erm, yes."

"Are you in there?" He asked, tapping my head. I brushed his hand away. I'm not some sulky little kid, although it may come across that way. "Sorry."

"It's fine."

"So….veg, you wanna grow some?"

"Probably not, I'd never be able to…." 

"Stop." He said, cutting in and sat beside me. "It's easy, you plant the seeds, use fertiliser and keep them watered. It's not hard."

"For me it is."

"Huh, you really don't like gardening huh?"

"It's not that I don't like it Luca, I'm just no good at it." He lent back on his elbows as the sun beamed down upon us both. It was starting to hit that point during summer when going out became hard. "It's too hot."

"Yeah, I'm gonna take a break." He said, laying back against the warm wood. My staring at this guy was starting to border on weird, that if he gave me a slap for doing it I wouldn't complain. "Hey," he returned, his voice warm and soft. His eyes held mine in some kind of trance that I couldn’t break free of. Not that I really wanted to. I could feel my cheeks heating as it hit me that I needed to look away, but damned if I could. "You okay?" His eyebrows furrowed.

"Ah, I'm fine."

"Good….anyway, how did you get a place this big?" His question wasn't a bad question, it just hit a raw nerve, yet what am I hiding?

"It was my grandmother's."

"Oh, you mean, she's not here anymore?"

"Exactly."

"Man, I'm sorry." I don't understand why people apologise for someone else's death. I get that it's out of respect for the deceased, yet he wasn't responsible for her death, so why say sorry? "Cas?"

"It's fine, she was very old."

"Yeah." Again it was so silent that only the wind in the trees could be heard, with an odd bird or two. Calming actually.

"She also left me a bakery."

"Really?" He piped up and sat to look at me. "Wow, what are you gonna do with it?"

"I don't know." After that he didn't question me again. I think he knew not to. I felt that familiar feeling that I wanted to close in on myself. So we let the rest of the day slowly drift past. I cooked dinner for us both and we just comfortably let night draw in and then went to our separate rooms, waiting for another day, but I lay in bed unable to fall asleep. It's not like I've ever suffered insomnia or anything, but tonight I just couldn't fall asleep, I'd toss and turn and still find no comfort. So I got up and threw my dressing gown on and made my way downstairs. I heard a noise and looked through the living room to see Luca sitting outside. I wanted to approach him and ask him why he was there. Couldn't he sleep either? What was he thinking about? I wanted to know, but I decided against it and just went back to bed. Maybe, I might ask in the morning. Maybe.