“So I’m into guys,” I announced, latching onto James’s arm. “And I’m dating James.”

James, who sat beside me with an even bigger smile, leaned a bit closer. Tyler and Colby were progressive guys–we’d had enough conversations about politics and the occasional celebrity canceling for me to know that. And yet, I couldn’t fight the nerves bubbling up in my stomach. There was a real chance 2 years of friendship could be over right here. Right now.

“So you bagged the new British guy?!” Colby exclaimed. 

James folded over in laughter while Colby, celebrating my dating prowess, reached around him to dap me up.

“And here I thought you were just good friends,” Tyler smirked, crossing his long arms. “I never should have underestimated you.”

In the midst of Colby and Tyler’s teasing, Stephanie jogged around the table to give me a hug. 

“Congrats, Elliot,” she said beside my ear. “I’m happy for you.”

Day two of coming out wasn’t going half bad. 

After one more quick squeeze, Steph returned to her side of the table, her hand casually dropping onto Rin’s thigh. Since my best friend sat right in front of me, it wasn’t hard to miss. Gnawing at the skin on my bottom lip, I turned to James, letting his bright smile wash the image from my mind. 

During homeroom, James came to my class so I mentioned my plans to come out to the guys over lunch. James had lit up like a Christmas tree, insisting that he had to be there to support me. I think the only person more excited than me about their reaction was James.

Tyler was entertained by watching Colby and Stephanie exchange ideas about how to use my new relationship for social clout. Their stupid conversation took over the table and I was laughing when James held my chin between his thumb and pointer finger, drawing my face towards him.

“James,” I whispered urgently. My heart rate spiked as I looked around, watching set after set of eyes turn to us. “James, people are watching.”

“Let them watch,” he murmured.

My hand flew up to his chest, putting enough pressure so he couldn’t get closer when I heard the start of the chanting.

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!”

I know Tyler didn’t start that. Curse Colby’s encouragement of just about anything that brought him amusement. 

It had started at our table but now half the room was yelling, waiting for us to give them a show. James met my gaze, his eyes sparkling when my push softened. I left my palm pressed against him but relaxed just enough so our lips could connect. 

I inhaled sharply when he pressed even closer. My jaw worked to match his pace, a pace totally raunchy for a high school cafeteria. James was a good kisser. Kissing him made those awkward middle school pecks feel like the joke they were. So when we pulled apart and someone from afar whistled, I didn’t feel bad about dozens of my peers seeing it. I only felt bad about one.

I looked across the table, searching for Rin with my mouth still damp from James’s spit. My best friend wouldn’t look at me, the grease pooling at the edge of his plate apparently more interesting.

I know why I felt awkward. Kissing my current boyfriend in front of the guy that I’m in love with is a major conflict of interests. I just didn’t know why Rin was so awkward too.

“So many couples in the friend group,” Colby crossed his arms, shaking his head in disbelief. “I’m glad that you guys look so happy but I need to join. Jennie’s still single, right Steph?”

The saga of Colby pining after one of Steph’s closest friends was always entertaining. I didn’t think getting myself a boyfriend would add to the plot but Colby was notoriously unpredictable.

The degree to which James was enthralled by Colby was a reminder that I’d never brought James to meet my other friends before. His–excuse my gen z slang–unapologetic humor was throwing my boyfriend for a loop. James was truly transfixed by everything Colby did which didn’t make sense to me since I always thought Colby was my slightly more attractive twin. 

That was a joke, by the way.

James was so transfixed, in fact, that when Rin caught my attention, the usual tenseness between James’s brows didn’t reappear. 

“That sure was some kiss,” Rin said, wearing an awkward half smile as he glanced between James and I.

“Oh, you can’t judge us. You and Steph are like the king and queen of PDA.”

“Yeah, I can’t really argue about that,” he chuckled, running a hand down the back of his neck. Slowly, his smile dropped, and he brought his voice down to a whisper. “So, you weren’t uncomfortable when he . . . ”

“What? No!” I gasped. A quick glance to my right told me that Colby still had James’s full attention, so I didn’t have to worry about whether Rin's concern would have offended him.  “I guess I wasn’t expecting it but James is . . . we’re good.”

“Good,” he sighed. “Because I think we’re really inspiring Colby. Next thing you know, there will be a third couple in the group.”

“I don’t appreciate that you assumed Colby would get a girlfriend first,” I joked, crossing my arms. “Do you know the things I hear girls say about Tyler behind his back?”

Those long floppy sections of hair that liked to hang over his eyebrows shook when Rin laughed. It was a little reminder that he was letting his guard down a bit. Taking a break from being the local heartthrob to just be real with me.

“Oh crap I forgot to tell you,” he rushed out, almost dropping his phone when he yanked it out of his pocket. “Someone talked about Tyler on her story. It was that short girl from science last year who always wore patterned jeans.”

“Brooke????” I gasped, hands braced against the sticky lunch table. “No way!”

Yes way, actually. In seconds, Rin pulled up the proof. He gave me his phone so I could see the  screenshot of Brooke Lee’s close friends story where she’d posted some picture she secretly took of Tyler. If that wasn’t damning enough, she’d also pestered any free corner of the picture with heart-eye and sweating emojis. 

Tyler was getting the same treatment those hot police officers got when they went viral online. It was the cutest and funniest thing I’d seen all week. Even cuter was Rin’s reaction when I pointed out that he was on this girl’s close friend’s list. 

He claimed she’d just forgotten to remove him after middle school but the thought of him using his good face genes even back then had me rolling over in laughter (not literally of course, these floors are filthy). And every laugh just had his face growing a couple shades more red.

“What did Tyler say when you showed him?” I asked, deciding to give him a break.

“Oh, I haven’t shown him yet,” he said with a shrug. “I wanted to see your reaction first.”

His eyes flickered up to mine and suddenly those simple words felt like the nicest thing he’d ever said to me. Rin was a man of action. He loved giving gifts and spending money on the people he cared about. Yet for some reason, this felt different. 

It wasn’t an impromptu gift he picked up while we were on good terms. It was the type of care I didn’t expect from someone who had every right to feel vengeful. 

Even while he was pissed with me, I was the first person he wanted to share this with. 

It’s hard to put into words how special that made me feel. In my fantasies, I could show him. I wouldn’t need words for him to know just how touched I am. But that’s why we have fantasies: to protect reality.

I vaguely heard Tyler say “I can do it” which made me realize that I had gone a long time without paying attention to the rest of my friends. Just talking to Rin about nonsense had been more than enough and time had faded away without a warning.

Colby celebrated with a guttural “yes!” and judging by the way Rin jumped, I think he’d also been completely absent from the conversation. Being in a bubble alone is isolating and boring. Having Rin in there with me, content to exist in our own world for a little while made it fun. Even if we were zoning back into this conversation with almost no context.

“Awesome! Barbecue at Tyler’s.”

That was completely enough context for Rin’s jaw to drop.

“How can we have a barbecue when it’s basically winter?”

“We can cook outside and eat inside,” Colby argued with a quick “doofus.”

Just thinking about trying to eat hot dogs with jack frost nipping at my fingertips made me stuff my hands into my pockets. The temperature outside was dropping fast. A barbecue sounded like a really terrible idea. But the issue with zoning out means you get left out. The four of them (including my British boyfriend) thought that a barbecue was a tremendous idea. Steph had apparently already invited like three of her friends to go and had plans to ask more. 

“Don’t forget to invite Jennie,” Colby chimed in while she typed. 

So the barbecue was set.

I looked at Rin just in time to see him mime dying from the cold. It took him forever to get his point across so by the time he did, just about everyone else was watching too. But he looked pleased and I was laughing and right now, a barbecue in the winter didn’t sound so bad after all.