Once lost, Now found

Chapter thirteen

Cas

He was blissful and easygoing, none of the stress in his face, like you see in mine. His contented energy was contagious and put me at ease. I had a suspicious feeling floating within me. It made me anxious yet curious. Luca, floated around me. Always talking, always trying to make eye contact, always trying to keep my mind from wandering and going to those dark corners it's so accustomed to and admittedly for a while it all went back to the first few days, you know. Like strangers, trying to figure each other out, but by now it shouldn't be like that. We had sex, a few times after the first time….well, in a space of a few hours and it's not happened since. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want him again. I do, I very much would love to have Luca again. He knew, he knew the right buttons to press. I didn't feel like a plank of wood, like I did with Scott. Scott liked his consistency and he liked to fuck his way and that was get it over and done with. But ultimately I got the blame for our apparent boring sex life. Maybe I was, maybe I didn't try as hard as I should have.

"Oi, dreamer?" I blinked. "Stop thinking about unnecessary things. You're hungry, right. Shall I cook?" I grinned at him. "What?" He chuckled In response.

"I don't want to die yet." He shocked me as he moved around the table and wrapped his slender fingers in my hair. I closed my eyes, savouring it. "Nice." Is all I could say.

He leaned in. I felt his warmth breath against my ear. "Does that mean I can cook?" I let out a short hmm as his fingers worked some kind of magic, I yielded. I buckled. "Spaghetti it is." He bounced off into the kitchen, leaving me with this deep yearning. My body begging for more, wishing his fingers didn't only touch my hair, but my whole body.

I stood up slamming my hand on the table. Luca turns to look at me. I couldn't stop. I propelled myself forwards grabbing his face. My lips touched his. He let out an omf sound, yet I didn't stop.I pulled him to my room and I shut the door gently. He paused in front of me just inside. We were only inches apart and his essence arrested me. “Why do I want you so goddamn bad?” I asked. He faced me.

“I want you, too,” He replied vehemently. “I can’t stop thinking about you,” He stepped closer, “Like this."

"I crave you.” My words tumbled out like apples off a poorly stocked produce shelf. Knowing he was affected, and wanted this like I did, made me bold. Made me feel gratified. So I let him do what he wanted. He picked me up and pressed me against the wall. My legs wrapped around him and held on. He pulled my hair back and ran his fingers through it and along the top of my scalp.

"Don't let go." And I didn't, I held onto him with a firm grip as he unbuckled my jeans. He kissed me. My lips, my neck, my collar bone. Then I Yanked off my T-shirt. "You're so beautiful." I needed more.

"More, Luca." He let a lopsided grin spread across that carefree face of his and held me as we both both fell on the bed. 

"Let's get naked beautiful." I smiled. Probably the biggest smile I've ever had in my life. He yanked my jeans off me, followed by my boxers. He then slipped from his clothes. That toned body etched in my mind as he slipped between my legs. "I promise." He whispers as he brought his mouth to mine. "I'm never, ever letting you go." I felt those words slip down my throat. I grabbed him, my body begged for his and he gave it to me. Letting his long spit slicked fingers slide inside my body. Then after a few minutes, getting me ready he guided himself, slowly into my aching body. 

“Yes.” I let out on lengthy breath.

He moved with me and it only stood to encourage his pace. Every inhale and exhale of mine matched time with his thrusts, until I felt him beginning to grind down harder on me “Ahhh,” he panted into my neck. “Yes.” 

“It feels good. Luca, so good." He didn't have to answer by saying anything, his body agreed for him. My hold on him tightened and I arched my back. His dark hair fell onto his face as pleasure overcame him. I shouted, “Luca. Oh. Luca.” As soon as I felt him milking me for every drop I had, I couldn't hold back any longer. Simply said, there wasn't anything in the world that felt like Luca coming inside me. It's the type of feeling that men start wars and write songs about. 

“Cas, fuck. Fuck!” He moaned as his climax shot through him in powerful hot bursts. I felt it too. Like hot lava flowing in my veins, like a bolt of lightning just shot through me and he stilled. He cradled my head in his hands. His eyes glossed over as a small drop of sweat fell onto my cheek. "I love you." He said. I was tense. I gulped, I got spooked. He saw it and held a tight grip. "I do. You may not feel the same, but I love you. Don't be scared Cas, because my love is real. It's in front of you, wanting you and only you till the day I die." I felt my tears, I felt this overwhelming feeling bubble up from inside me and I pulled him against me. I didn't have a reply for him. Not because I don't care, but because I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if I say I love you too, then I'll suddenly awaken from a dream to a nightmare. That he's not here, with me.

Once lost, Now found

"Tell me Cas, about when you were just a kid."

"What?" I lay in front of him. Our eyes never leave each others. "Why?"

"I just want to know." 

"Hmm, well. I was a bit of a loner really." He gave me a soft smile, moving the small bit of wayward hair from my face. "I just didn't fit in. My parents hardly saw me and when they did, it was always just a few passing words."

"What about your grandmother?" He's very inquisitive tonight. But I felt as though I could tell him anything.

"I would often be at my grandmother's, she looked after me most of the time." I paused for a second when I felt that familiar pang of pain, yet I carried on. "My parents passed away when I was a kid, so I lived at my grandmother's. She tried her very best for me, but I still couldn't be what any of them wanted me to be, normal."

He frowns a little. "Normal? Define normal Cas." 

"I…well. I don't know….a kid, with friends. A kid who did what other kids did. I just didn't." He softly brushed my cheek, letting me know it was okay. "What about you?"

"Me, think of the most gruesome horror story you can think of, that's my life Cas. I had a dirty upbringing and I didn't let myself for years have anything more than what I've always been subjected to. I lost myself in men to get my next meal, I dirtied this body because I had nothing else."

"You're a kind man. You've seen so much pain, I don't want you to see anymore pain Luca."

"How can that guy let you go?" 

"I don't know. Maybe because I wasn't what he expected and he wanted more from life."

"Don't you see Cas, that you have given me life. You've given me more than anyone ever could have….I was in the gutter, literally and you still took me home. Thank you."

"No...thank you, for letting me realise there's really so much more out there. I feel so different with you. Like all the weight I'd been carrying around finally disappeared." Quiet. so quiet. We lay watching each other for such a long time that time became of no importance. Laying in front of him, a world I never thought existed, yet it does. He's lying in front of me. 

He closed his eyes holding onto my hand, our fingers laced together. "I do love you." He whispers as he falls asleep. I couldn't sleep, not tonight. I wanted to watch him for as long as possible.

"Please, be real." I said under my breath as my eyes started to feel heavy. I didn't want to sleep, I tried not to sleep. But his warm comfort made my body relax and feel so at ease, I couldn't stay awake. "I...think…" I'll leave that for another day.