I thought my instincts would have changed by now. That I would immediately fight back and defeat the creature that had been swallowed by the Atrophy. And yet… I dodged to the side as I always did. I held the rabbit tightly in my arms. I could feel her trembling. Or maybe it was me. The cervidae ran straight into the ground, its antlers digging up dirt and spraying it everywhere. I hissed and turned to the side, squeezing my eyes shut.

This wasn't good. I needed to get the rabbit somewhere safe before I could even begin to think about fighting back. With a quick breath, I ran over to the bushes. I gently set her down, whispering words of safety to calm her down. She nuzzled against my hand before backing further into the bushes. Now that she was relatively safe, I could help Stolas in fighting. But when I turned around, his once alerted gaze had turned into a smirk. 

"Stolas, no."

"C'mon, little elf. Put that training to use."

I shook my head. "This is a life or death situation!"

"Good." He grinned as he used his staff to knock back one of the owls. "Then you'll use the skills I taught you and live, or disappoint me and die."

That bastard. His smirk turned into a grin, swinging Aeternum. Both of the owls barreled towards me. Fine, he wants me to fight? I'll fight. But only because I'm beyond pissed off he would do this to me. The least I could do was take down the owls in my anger. The first step was to avoid getting touched by the Atrophy at all costs. It would be great if I had my training bow, that way I could gain some distance. Daggers are a close combat weapon. It made the chances of being touched higher. I took a slow and deep breath. It was time to fight.

The owl dived towards me, making a screeching noise. I ducked down as it dove past my head. With a quick turn, I slashed its back. It felt like molasses. A grunt left my lips as I put more force behind the slash. The owl fell to the ground. Its body twitched. I couldn't take the chance for it to come back. So I pierced its head with my dagger. There was a wet sound as I took it out. It wasn't moving any longer.

"I did it!!" I said, turning to Stolas with a proud smile. "Did you see that?"

"Pay attention!"

Stolas was currently shoving the cervidae back. His staff pushed against its antlers as it tried to bite at him. The high of defeating something on my own quickly faded away. I had been so proud of myself, but now wasn't the time to celebrate. It was time to fight again. The other owl wasn't flying. It looked like its wings were glued down to its sides as it sprinted towards me. My nose scrunched in disgust. I kicked it, hard. 

"Gross!"

It went flying across straight towards Stolas's head. I gasped, covering my mouth. I definitely did not mean to do that. Stolas quickly pushed the cervidae back with a grunt before using Aeternum to whack the owl to the ground. He did the same thing as I did and smashed its head. The only problem was that the cervidae now had its sights set on me.

Stolas shot a glare my way. "That was reckless, Cahira. You need to be aware of everything going on around you."

"Uhm…" I stepped back slightly as the cervidae stalked towards me. "I can't fight this thing!"

"Yes, you can. If you can fight me, you can fight the cervidae. Now focus!"

That was easy for him to say. He's had thousands of years to hone his craft. Not to mention, it was easier to fight against an opponent that could actually think. The cervidae's brain had been taken over by the Atrophy. It was reckless and would do anything to kill me. The adrenaline that was pumping through me was only intensifying the panic that had started to creep up. I didn't even have time to prepare myself before the cervidae charged towards me.

I was lucky that the Atrophy wasn't more aqueous, or I'd be covered in it by now. I used my foot to try and kick it back as it ascended on me. This was a fully matured male cervidae. Their weight was over twice mine. I was at even more of a disadvantage than with the owls. My daggers couldn't even get a good hit because of its antlers. I needed to get it from behind or the side. And I couldn't do that with it constantly attacking me head on.

I wanted to curse Stolas over and over. He had too much faith in me and it was going to get me killed. If I had learned how to use my magic in situations like these, or even learned a different weapon, maybe I would have a fighting chance. But at this moment, I was struggling. The cervidae kept knocking me back. My legs grew more and more tired the more I tried to kick it. 

"Use your strength, Cahira." Stolas called out. He was circling the fight, watching with a careful gaze.

"I can't cut through its antlers!"

"Then go from a different angle!"

Tears of frustration started to prick at my eyes. My body was hot and sweaty. I struggled to keep a firm grip on my daggers. I was praying that my emotions would be enough to create a blast of magic, but it was like it had disappeared. I hated feeling like I wasn't adequate enough. All this training, and it wasn't even helping me. I suddenly felt like I was transported back to when I was younger. When my father was teaching me how to fight.

***

"Cahira, please." My father sighed, pointing at my hands. "Hold the sword correctly."

I frowned, my hands adjusting on the hilt of the sword. The blade swayed unevenly. "It's too heavy, Dad!"

He rolled his eyes. "You have to push through it. Now come on. Go attack Garrick."

Garrick was grinning at me, his sword hanging loosely in his hand. Of course he looked so calm about this. He was a natural at sword fighting. He had won the swordsmanship competition three years in a row. It was an unfair fight. But, according to my father, it was the only way I would get better.

I struggled for a second and then lifted the sword high above my head. With a tired yell, I ran towards Garrick. Everything about my technique was messy. I swung downwards. It was so slow that Garrick dodged it with ease. His blade clanged against mine. He knocked me backwards and laughed. My lips formed into a frustrated pout. I swung the sword again, this time from the side. The sound of metal filled the training arena as I tried my hardest to try and overwhelm him. It was the opposite. He overwhelmed me.

"You're too stiff!" My father called out. "Use your hips and don't squeeze the hilt too tightly. Follow through with your attacks!"

Garrick sighed as he met my attack once again. "Why are you so bad at this? It shouldn't be this hard."

But it was. It was difficult for me and no one could seem to understand that. I just wished, for once, that they would see things from my perspective. I started to swing the sword more frantically. I hated this. I hated training, I hated fighting, and I hated using a sword. It didn't feel good in my hands. I wanted to hold my flute, something that I was comfortable with. Sure, it didn't kill people. But why did I need to kill? There was no war. I could just play music! I wanted to play music!

I wasn't paying attention to my movements. They were sloppy, but got faster. He parried a majority of my attacks, despite the speed I was going at. Garrick kept stepping back as I stepped forward. His eyes were wide and he tried to push me forward as I was striking down. The force sent my sword sideways and sliced diagonally through his ear. I gasped as he dropped his sword and clutched his ear. I immediately stumbled backwards. Half of his ear was on the ground, blood dripping and covering the dirt.

"O-Oh my Empyrians! Garrick, are you okay?!"

He glared up at me, a hiss leaving his clenched teeth. "Why weren't you careful?!"

"Garrick!" My father rushed forward and rushed to his aid. 

The sight of blood was making me woozy. I watched as my father checked his ear. He shot me a look that was filled with anger and disappointment. My heart ached with guilt and despair. I knew I wasn't made for this. It was all my fault that I had hurt my brother. I wasn't good enough to be a warrior.

***

The cervidae huffed as I slashed frantically at it with my daggers. It was hard to try and cut through the Atrophy. Every slash I made just slowly filled back up. It was like cutting through thick molasses. I jumped backwards as it tried to ram into me. Stolas was still just standing there, watching. I wanted to beg him to help me, but I couldn't speak. It felt like I couldn't as I tried to steady my breathing instead. It felt like my throat was closing up.

The cervidae started to tremble again. Its head lowered as it twitched. Something was happening to it. It was an opening. I didn't know how long it would last, but it was a chance I had to take. I adjusted my grip on the daggers and rushed forward once again. I stabbed the top of its neck with both of the blades and dragged it downwards. With an almost relieved gasp, I pulled out my daggers. But it wasn't deep enough. I could only watch in horror as the Atrophy bubbled upwards and filled in the gash. Before I could try again, the cervidae reeled backwards and slammed into me with its antlers, sending me flying.

My chest tightened as my back slammed into a tree. I groaned, my head spinning. I knew I wasn't ready for this. I knew I couldn't fight. Every time I tried, I always messed something up. The panic inside of me grew even more until it grabbed my heart, squeezing it and rendering me unable to breathe. The Atrophied cervidae huffed, shaking its head. My hands were trembling so much, I couldn't even hold onto my daggers. I did the only thing I knew how: I cowered.

My body curled in on itself as I wrapped my arms over my head. Everything around me went mute. For some reason, all I could think about was Alder's words. The way he taught me to breathe and calm down. I knew I couldn't save myself. The panic that coursed through me melted away into acceptance. I tried my hardest, I really did. I wasn't born a warrior. I wasn't meant to fight. Life had just dealt me a bad hand. 

Maybe, in another life, I could achieve my dreams.