BigAl469:
Listen, man, everyone’s telling you to spill your guts to this girl because "communication is key" or whatever, but have you really thought about what’s gonna happen after you drop this bomb on her? You think Sarah’s gonna pat you on the back and say, “Thanks for sharing,” and everything’s gonna be just peachy after that? Come on, man. Once it’s out, it’s out—and there’s no taking it back.
Look, there’s a reason people keep secrets. You tell her this stuff, and everything’s gonna change—forever. She’s not gonna see you the same way, no matter how much you wish she would. So, ask yourself, is it really worth blowing up your relationship just to get this off your chest? Are you really ready to deal with the fallout? Sometimes, man, the smartest move is just to keep the lid on Pandora’s box and keep on walking.
That’s exactly what I’m afraid of. Once I say it, I can’t take it back, and I don’t know if she’ll be able to look at me the same way. I want to be honest with her, but what if it’s too much? I keep thinking about how everything could change, and it scares the hell out of me. The more I think about talking to her, the more it feels like I’m opening a door that should stay closed. Like, what if by bringing this up, I’m inviting something in that I can’t control? It’s like there’s this part of me that’s screaming not to do it, that if I start talking about it, something bad will happen.
Being around Sarah has made the darkness of my past feel even more out of place, like it doesn’t belong here… like I don't belong here. I’ve always kept it at a distance, like it was something separate, something I could leave behind if I just didn’t talk about it. But the more I think about it, the more I realize it’s not just the past—it’s me.
I kept telling myself that if I just keep moving forward, it’ll all eventually fade away. But it’s like there’s this rot, spreading slowly, reaching into everything I touch. The more I try to push it down, the more it seems to seep out in other ways. And now I’m starting to wonder if it’s too late to stop it. Sarah has been this beacon of light for me, something pure and untouched by the decay that’s been eating away at me for so long. But what if I’m dragging my rot into her life, tainting her with it? What if I’m the one who’s going to ruin her?
Sometimes, I feel like I can’t tell if these memories are even mine anymore. They feel twisted, like they’ve been festering in the dark for too long, growing into something else entirely. But then I think, maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe if I just take that step, if I just talk to her, it’ll all be okay. Maybe she’ll understand, and it’ll make everything better. But what if I open up and it’s not just my past that comes out, but this rot, this darkness that I can’t control? What if, by trying to save me, I end up pulling her into the very thing I’ve been trying to protect her from?
Thank you for helping me see things more clearly, even if it’s just for a moment. I just wish the clarity didn’t come with so much darkness. Maybe keeping it all buried is the safer option, but I don’t know how long I can keep doing that.
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