Hey everyone, I’m hoping to get some advice because I’m feeling pretty messed up right now. So, the other night, my girlfriend Sarah (23F) and I (25M) were talking about our families over dinner. It started off as a normal conversation, just sharing memories, when she asked me about the traditions we had growing up. At first, I tried to keep it light, mentioning the usual holiday stuff, but she kept pressing for more details. That’s when I felt that familiar tightness in my chest. I kind of just fumbled around for a bit, then ended up changing the subject, but it left me rattled, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since.
Sarah is honestly the sweetest person I’ve ever met. She’s one of those genuinely kind people who always sees the best in people. She just has this way of making life seem so… I dunno, normal? In a good way. She just has this incredible patience and warmth that makes you feel like everything’s going to be okay, even when it’s not. Being with her is like stepping into a world where things make sense—a world I don’t always feel like I belong in. Sometimes, that normalcy feels almost foreign to me.
So that leads me to the part I couldn’t discuss with Sarah. My childhood was… different. My family was really into some spiritual practices—stuff that most people wouldn’t understand. We called them traditions, but they weren’t like the typical family customs you’d expect. I used to think everyone’s family did things like that until I went to live with my aunt and uncle for a while. That was the first time I realized that maybe what we were doing wasn’t exactly “normal.”
I’ve never told Sarah about any of this. I don’t know how to explain it without sounding crazy. It’s not something I think about all the time, but the more I try to push it away, the more it feels like it’s festering inside me. It’s not just the past—it’s a part of me, and I don’t want to drag her into it. But I also can’t help but feel guilty for keeping her in the dark.
Here’s where I might be the asshole: Sarah noticed I was uncomfortable and asked if everything was okay. I could tell she wasn’t satisfied with my vague answers, and I almost snapped, telling her it’s nothing she needs to worry about. She looked hurt but didn’t press further. Now I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve messed something up by not being honest with her. It’s just that… there’s so much she doesn’t know—things I’m not even sure I fully understand.
Sometimes, I look at Sarah with her sweet smile and wonder if I’m the one who’s broken. Like, maybe I’m too damaged to really be with someone like her. Or maybe I’m just waiting for something to go wrong, like, I’m waiting for the other side of it, the part that hurts. My aunt and uncle used to say that some things are better left unsaid. I haven’t seen them in years, but I still hear their voices sometimes, reminding me that some things are better left in the past.
I know that Sarah deserves honesty, but I’m just terrified of what might happen if I share too much. What if by bringing up the past, I’m opening up something that can’t be undone? What if she sees the darkness in me and decides it’s too much? I know I can’t keep this up forever. I need to find a way to explain it to her without pushing her away.
So, am I the asshole for getting defensive and not being open with her? Should I just suck it up and try to be the person she deserves? I’m really struggling with how to move forward from this.
Comments (6)
See all