It's been a week since Stolas had left. I had been trying to not let everything get to me, but it was difficult when it felt like everything was my fault. It was like right as I was getting better, I would just fall all over again. I could barely sleep, my appetite had soured, and I had no interest in training. Especially since Stolas wasn't here to help. But Alder didn't like that I was acting like this. He had begun to help me keep a better routine.

It started off with Alder waking me up in the morning. If I refused to leave the warmth of my bed, he would wrap his arms around me and carry me out to the kitchen. There, he would make sure I ate a plentiful breakfast. As soon as I got a taste of his cooking, I would perk up with a small smile. It helped the bryum would so adorably stare up at me in concern. I couldn't let them be concerned.

Next, he would have me get ready to practice archery. While Stolas was proficient in all styles of fighting, archery was surprisingly Alder's specialty. He had said he doesn't like weapons, but using a bow didn't feel as violent. He carved his own bow from the Diospyros kaki wood. He was even carving my own, which he would give to me when he thought I was ready to stop using the training bow. It was a nice break from closer types of combat. I didn't think I could pick up my daggers again after what had happened that day. 

After a break for lunch, we would have magic lessons. I was glad to focus on this. There was something so relaxing about the way Alder taught magic. It always started with a meditation session before we started on what my magic was and how I could use it. My magic was not only intune with my music, but with my emotions as well. I had come a long way to figuring out how to use it. And I was slowly getting there.

Today was a lesson on potions and physical magic. We were in the kitchen. The bryum sat on the counter in front of me with tiny pieces of paper. All five of them were scribbling down notes, though it looked like their writing was just gibberish. Flops, the newly named rabbit, sat on the floor testing out her new wooden leg. Alder was tracing out symbols on a strip of paper. The ink was a deep purple color.

"That's really pretty." I mumbled, leaning in closer to watch him. "Will this really help protect the area?"

He nodded, glancing up at me and giving me a smile. "These talismen are imbued with my magic. They will act as both sensors and a shield. You may have seen them before, but these are a bit different. When any of the Atrophied are close or there is a disturbance, I will be alerted. If something tries to get inside the circle, a shield will be put up and you will be safe."

I watched as he handed the finished talisman to one of the bryum. It took it and scurried off to the opposite side of the counter, the others following close behind. "So they'll make all the talismen and then you'll infuse it with your magic?"

"That is correct."

"Interesting… So you can infuse magic into anything?"

Alder nodded. "Mostly everything. I will teach you how to infuse potions with magic."

I watched as he started to rifle through his glass cabinet filled with vials. He brought them over and set them down in front of me. He then sat next to me, taking one of the vials. It was clear. It looked like water. He opened it and held it up to me. 

"Smell this."

I leaned in and sniffed it. "It smells like nothing. What is it?"

"Water."

"Oh."

He chuckled and waved his hand slowly over the top of the vial. It glittered for a moment. "Now smell."

"This is weird." I mumbled, but obliged anyway. Now it had an almost sharp, sterile smell. My nose scrunched.

"I imbued my magic into this water. And now, it can act as a sterilizer for any injuries."

My eyes widened in surprise. "Woah. Can I do that?"

"Well, there is only one way to find out. Are you ready to experiment?"

I nodded eagerly. This was the most progress we've ever made in my lessons. It was a good distraction from my own brain as well. Alder scooted closer to me. He started to explain what each vial was and how he made each potion. His words were soft as he picked up each bottle carefully. I listened eagerly, jotting down some notes in my journal.

After learning potion identification, Alder taught me about how magic can be infused into potions and physical objects. It didn't seem as straightforward as tapping into my magic or using it. It was easy to mess up and I could accidentally cancel out the effects of the potion, make it too weak, or make it do the opposite of what it was supposed to. I could find myself struggling with each potion I tried to enhance. I always canceled the effects or made them weaker. I had a green healing potion in my hand. My eyebrows as I furrowed as I concentrated on it. The liquid turned black.

Alder laughed heartily, patting my head. He grabbed the potion from my hand and set it on the counter. "You, little blossom, have just made a poison."

"Oops."

"It is alright." He patted my head. "You do not need to carry that around with you anyway."

"Oh, I do have a poison that I carry with me!"

Alder tilted his head. "You do?"

"Let me go grab it!"

I went to my room and rifled through my bag. I was praying the vials weren't broken beneath everything I had shoved in there. Luckily, they were just nestled in the bottom corner of the bag. I grabbed the vials and returned back to the kitchen. I handed him the dark blood red poison first. He inspected it closely. 

"This is…" He breathed, his face going pale. "Cahira, where did you get this?"

I frowned, my eyebrow raising. "My mother gave it to me. To keep me safe."

"Please tell me you don't use this."

"I don't, but-" I held up the vial with the glittering silver liquid. "I have an antidote."

"Oh my!" Alder's eyes widened even more than they already were. He grabbed it, setting the other one down carefully.

"Okay, care to explain? It's just poison. It's not like you haven't seen it before."

"Cahira, this is the most powerful type of poison out there that does not have magic in it. Only Poison Masters can make this. It is an extremely difficult process and requires the utmost precision. Did you say your mother gave it to you?"

I nodded. "She and my youngest sisters make poisons. They have a whole entire building dedicated to toxicology research."

"Extraordinary." Alder breathed. "I do remember you mentioning that… You come from a very talented family. Cahira."

Too bad none of that talent actually went to me. Even with magic, I was still lacking. I knew I had to train in it. I knew that, and yet I wanted to be talented at something. In something useful. Being talented at music and storytelling was great. But how did it help people? How have I ever helped someone? My family are warriors, but they are also protectors. They've protected my village for generations before me. And here I was, leaving them to become a bard in the capital. How pathetic is that?

"Cahira."

I looked up, my face twisted in a scowl. "What?"

"You are thinking about how useless you are again. Stop it."

"How can I not think that?" I huffed. 

"I will show you how. Do you trust me?"

"You know I do."

Alder scooted his stool close to mine. His knees were pressed between my legs. He leaned in and closed his eyes. For some reason, I followed as well. I leaned in until my forehead rested against his. My mind whirled with thoughts about how this wouldn't work. That no matter what he did, I would never be good enough. I disappointed my family, I disappointed Stolas, and I would disappoint him.

And then my mind was empty. In a soft green wave, everything was swept away, including the bad thoughts. In its place was the feeling of warm sunlight. The feeling of the soft grass against my skin. I could feel Alder's presence in my head. It was like a comforting hug. A shiver ran down my spine. I didn't know how much time had passed with us sitting like that.

"It is okay to feel down." He murmured, his words nothing but a whisper against my ear. "But it is important to know your worth. To know your strength."

I slowly opened my eyes. "I don't know my strength."

"Then let us discover it together. I will be there, every step of the way."

I finally pulled back. Alder held up the healing potion that I had turned into a poison. I suddenly felt like everything clicked. Of course it turned into a poison. My feelings were the poison. I had let my feelings, how I perceived myself poison everything. I took the potion and closed my eyes. I thought about what I was good at. My strengths. A small tingling sensation flitted through my fingers.

"There you go, little blossom. Take a look."

I looked down at the vial. It was now a light green. Not as potent as it originally was, but no longer harmful. "I did it."

"You did it."

"Again!"

Alder chuckled and stood up. "It seems we are all out of potions to test on. Shall we make some more?"

I nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, please! I want to try making some on my own!"

Alder's hand gently ran through my hair as he nodded. There was a sparkle in his eyes. I could tell I had some in mine as well. I knew he was worried about me. As much as he tried to seem okay with Stolas leaving and with me sinking into a depression, I could tell he was distraught. I felt selfish that he was spending time trying to make him feel better. But the way he looked at me now made up for that.

Alder kept me close as he led me over to his pantry filled with ingredients all for potion making. As he explained to me everything, he kept me close. He's done so much for me. I was more than thankful for him keeping me upright. For making sure I was healthy, even if I was sad. It was then that I was determined to become better at magic. Then, maybe one day, I could pay him back.