It was Sunday morning, a couple days after the party. April had moved all her things out yesterday before Ronnie dropped me home. And even though I hadn’t walked into her room, and even though she was rarely home when she lived here, I felt her absence. The house was even more empty this weekend with dad heading off to Brisbane for his aunt’s funeral.

As I made my way down the stairs to fix some breakfast, mum made me aware of her plans to go out this afternoon to the shops. 

I immediately pulled out my phone and shot Evie a text.

Me: Mum is going out later. Are you free? I can get her to drop me off at Ronnie’s and we can hang there?

By the time Evie replied, I had finished eating my breakfast and was on my way back up to my room.

Evie: Sorry, I can’t. I’m going to Joe’s this afternoon.

Evie: But let’s go late-night on Thursday? Shops, dinner, and a movie? xx

Sighing, I put my phone away and called out to my mum, “I’ll come with you this afternoon, mum.” Because getting out of the house even with her as company was better than being here without April.

“Okay,” she called back. “We will leave around midday.”

I killed the rest of my morning playing Elder Scrolls before slipping on my shoes and heading down the stairs to join mum.

She gave me a once over and shook her head. “You need new clothes. These are falling apart.” I was wearing an oversized band t-shirt and fraying denim shorts.

“They’re comfy. But I’m actually going late-night with some school friends on Thursday though.”

“Who?”

“You’ve never met them.”

She pursed her lips but thankfully didn’t press further, grabbing her bag and keys from the entryway table and heading out the door.

I pushed the trolley while mum went up and down the aisles, grabbing the items from her list. As she plopped a cereal box in the basket, she let out a loud tut. 

“What?” I asked, following her gaze forward.

“I just wish they wouldn’t do stuff like that in public.”

My eyes focussed on the subjects of her disapprovement: two guys, arms wrapped around each other, planting playful kisses on each other’s cheeks. April would have ripped into her for that comment. But I wasn’t my sister.

“I mean, think of the children. Do what you want behind closed doors but my gosh… what if children see that and think it’s okay?”

I could already hear April’s voice in my head, shouting at her. The old April. The one who always felt the need to take mum down a peg. But again, I swallowed her usual retorts. 

Looking at her list, mum gasped, mentioned she forgot something, and told me to wait for her in this aisle. Sighing, I leaned down over the bars, looking at the full trolley. We still had more rows to go down… If Evie ever saw how much useless crap my mum bought, she’d lose it.

I began to ponder the thought that the two girls I admired in this world were fiery, strong-hearted women when suddenly a voice calling my name behind me drew me away from the spiral.

Turning around, Rowan smiled at me like I was his favourite colour. 

My eyes wandered down over him. “You work here?” I asked, taking in the way his green uniform only made his eyes pop more.

“Yeah. Every Sunday afternoon,” he walked towards me, parking his trolley full of stock in front of mine so that the other shoppers could pass by. 

“I’ve never seen you before.”

“Well… I notice you nearly every time you come in.”

I awkwardly pressed my lips together and looked down at my clothes, remembering how daggy I looked… and that every time I accompanied mum to the shops, I looked just like this. But what did I care? I didn’t like him anyway.

“That is a more appropriate May look,” he commented, noticing my disdain for my appearance. “Suits you more.”

“This feels like that meme,” I grimaced.

“What meme?”

“If you can’t handle me at my… bogan Woolies run worst, then you can’t have me at my yellow party dress best.”

He laughed a little too loudly at my joke, noticing when some passersby gave us questionable stares and clearing his throat. “I prefer your bogan Woolies run worst.”

“Right… sure.” I glanced around, wondering why my awful-timing-mother wasn’t interrupting this conversation already. 

“She ran into someone in the other aisle,” Rowan said, catching my attention.

“What?”

“Your mum. That’s who you’re looking for? They’re lost in conversation.”

I groaned and leaned over the trolley.

“Anyone would think you don’t want to talk to me.” He was trying to joke, but a little too much sadness leaked into his tone. 

“It’s not that. I just… feel like a potato sack right now.”

“Do you want to impress me, May?”

“No!” I said a little too quickly, a little too loudly.

His crestfallen face turned back to his trolley.

But before I had to deal with a moping teenage boy, my mum finally came into sight at the end of the aisle. Her brows came together in confusion as she craned her neck, trying to see who I was talking to. When she had gotten close enough, to my surprise, a smile spread across her face. “Is that little Rowan Hart?” she gasped.

Rowan was quick to bury his despair, smiling at my mother. “Hi Miss Moretti.”

“You know you can call me Livia, Ro,” mum said, smiling at him a little too kindly. “How’s your final year of school going?

As I watched her staring at this boy in the complete opposite manner that she looked at my best friend, I began to wonder if someone had stolen my mother’s body in the other aisle and was impersonating her. “Sorry… how do you two know each other?” I asked, interrupting their conversation.

Mum turned to me. “Rowan’s mum is one of the nurses at the clinic.” Of course our mums work together… She looked between us, head cocking to the side. “Do you know my daughter, Ro?”

He gave a slow nod, eyes flickering towards me. “We’ve spoken a couple of times.” My heart sighed in relief as he avoided mentioning his crush on me, the party, or Evie. 

“Oh delightful. You two actually have a lot in common with the art stuff,” she said, smiling while looking between us.

Great… first Evie, and now mum. 

“I think Rowan needs to get back to work, mother dearest,” I said, trying to indicate to her with my eyes that it was time to wrap this up. Especially before someone let something slip.

“Oh yes. We’ve got cold stuff already in the trolley too… It was lovely seeing you again, Rowan dear.” She gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder as I began pushing the trolley forward. As I maneuvered the cart at the end of the aisle, preparing to turn the corner, I glanced back down where Rowan was watching me leave. To show my appreciation, I gave him a quick one-handed wave.

Then watched a gleeful grin spread across his face as he returned it.

“And don’t forget you have to get a lift back,” Evie’s mum said as we climbed out of her car late Thursday afternoon.

“Yup. Already sorted, mum. Thanks!” Evie closed her car door, coming around to me and linking her arm through mine.

“We have a ride?” I asked as we walked over the crossing towards the entrance of the shopping centre.

“Um… yeah. So, about that… It’s not just us tonight,” she said.

“Evie. You said it would be just us two.”

“I know! But Joe heard me mention that we were going out tonight and then he wanted to come along and then he decided to invite—”

“No. Don’t tell me.”

But as we walked through the shop entrance and my eyes immediately fell on the blonde-haired boy, my question was answered. Unlinking her arm from mine, Evie ran for her now-official boyfriend, and they kissed way too intimately for where we were.

Finally they pulled apart, holding hands and began walking out in front of us. 

Arms crossed over my chest, I trailed behind while Rowan fell in line with me. 

“I’m guessing you didn’t know we were coming?” he asked in a low voice. 

“Nope.”

“Sorry…” His disappointed gaze was fixated on the ground, hands shoved in his pockets.

Heaving a sigh, I shook my head. “It’s not your fault. I haven’t seen her all week. She spends her whole lunch breaks hanging out with him and I got so sick of being a sidekick watching them exchange saliva that I’ve started hanging out in the library on my own.” I shrugged. 

“You can always come hang out with me in the art room if you want,” he replied. “If you’re ever lonely…”

“Is that why you’re never with the group?” I left out the part where I was relieved on Monday when Evie dragged me along to sit with the year twelves and I found Rowan did not frequent the area. After my bogan getup at Woolies, a small part of me was nervous he’d be there to judge me… or mention it to Evie.

“I prefer the peace and quiet of an art room. Plus… My ex is in that group and she wasn’t really happy with our breakup.” His hand rubbed the back of his neck, and I wondered if it was a habit of his when he felt awkward.

“When did you two breakup?” I wasn’t one to care about investigating the past relationships of a potential love interest… mostly because Evie was my only love interest. But also it annoyed me when people fixated too much on the past like it defined them in the now. However, I figured I should make small talk.

“Uh… during the summer holidays.”

“Oh. That’s a while ago.”

“Yeah, I haven’t dated anyone this year because…” But he didn’t finish the sentence. 

“Why’d you break up?” I found myself asking.

He glanced over at me then back to the ground. “Maybe that’s a story for another time.”

My eyes narrowed as I came to a stop. Evie and Joe had disappeared in front of us, so there was no point keeping up with the group. Rowan realised pretty quickly I was no longer beside him, turning back around to look at me.

“What?” he asked.

“Is it that bad?” I asked him, wondering how much of a ‘bro’ he really was. 

“More that it’s awkward to tell you.”

Was it sex related? I cocked my head to the side.

Groaning, he realised I didn’t feel like moving until I figured it out. Pink tinge to his face, he looked to the ground. “She found some drawings of mine and it upset her, okay?” Then he spun around and kept walking.

Skipping along behind him I pressed, “What drawings? Of your French girls?” Because all of us watched Titanic at some point for a school assessment.

Chuckling, he shook his head. “No. Nothing saucy.”

“How does a drawing upset a girl?”

“Well… when it’s of another girl and I refuse to get rid of it… And then she went and told all my friends about it and well… I suppose now here we are.”

Then it sank in. They broke up because of his feelings for me. Because he had drawn me. His friends found out he liked me in the summer… We walked in silence, looking at the shops around us and never at each other until we had caught up with Evie and Joe who had some bags in their hands. 

Evie bounded over to me, pulling a pair of sunglasses out of her bag. “Saw these and thought of you,” she said, slipping them onto my face like it made up for what she had done to me tonight.

I took them off and muttered a thanks before slipping them into my bag. Her smile faltered slightly but then she grabbed Joe, pulling him over to us. 

“How about dinner and that movie?” she asked.

I had hoped I could grab more clothes on this shopping visit tonight, but if my options now were to do it alone or with an audience, I wasn’t about to continue with my original plan.

After getting some dinner at the food court, we crossed the road to the cinema. As Evie and Joe dawdled along, lost in the stares of each other, I was first to hop into line to grab my ticket and drink and first to stand around the foyer waiting for the rest to join me.

But as I did my best to look anywhere but Evie, my eyes found a familiar face in the masses. And he had his arm wrapped around another girl.

When Rowan joined my side, before he could speak, I shoved my drink into his hand, asking him to hold it for me. Then I stormed across the floor towards him.

“Oliver?” I asked, causing the black haired boy to turn around. His eyes went wide as they met my furious gaze, and then he had the nerve to smile at me.

“May!” he exclaimed. “It’s been so long.”

“Yeah okay. Skip the small talk. Mind telling me who she is?” I threw my hand over at his female companion who had an offended look on her face. 

I watched as his brows came together, confusion veiling his face. “My girlfriend?”

“Girlfriend? What about April?”

He heaved a sigh and turned to the woman. “I’ll be a moment, okay?” Oliver leaned down and kissed the woman, before placing a hand on my shoulder and guiding me to the edge of the room by the claw machine. “What has April said to you?”

“Oh, I don’t know. That she moved in with her boyfriend. With you.”

“She moved out of home?”

“You don’t know this?”

“May… April broke up with me just after Anna…”

“No.” I shook my head. “She wouldn’t lie about that. Don’t give me that.”

He pressed his lips together and gave me that same look all the teachers gave me back then. The same pity. 

“She just moved in with you on the weekend,” I pleaded. Because surely she wasn’t lying to me again. Surely her promise was something I could go off.

“I haven’t seen her since graduation, May.”

My bottom lip quivered and Oliver looked over my shoulder. 

“Want me to get Evie for you?”

I shook my head and took a deep breath. “Sorry if I made things difficult for you.” I turned to leave but he called my attention again.

“May.”

I glanced back at him.

“Give me your phone.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

Fishing my phone out of my bag, I unlocked it and passed it to him.

“I’m putting my number in here. If you ever need anything, if your sister needs support… I’m here.”

“Okay… Thanks Oliver,” I breathed.

He awkwardly patted my arm once more then walked away, back to his girlfriend who wasn't April.

When I rejoined the group, Evie smiled at me briefly and said, “There you are. Ready to go in?” Then she immediately turned back to Joe.

As I watched my friend not even recognise the evident pain I was in, I turned my gaze away. Only to notice Rowan looking down at me, handing my drink back.

He leaned over so only I could hear. “Want to ditch the movie?”

I shook my head. “I could use a distraction.”