While Evie would normally sit next to me during a movie, gushing about how hot the lead guy is and how much she wanted to ‘lick his abs’, my eyes were generally always on the woman. It was only as I found myself ogling Evie though that I became more aware of my preferences. 

Yet this time my eyes weren’t on either.

With the events in the foyer playing on repeat in my head. With the sound of Evie smacking her mouth against Joe’s to my right. And with Rowan’s twitching hand to my left. I couldn’t focus.

I had seen enough romance movies to know what Rowan wanted to do. But to my relief, he never did. Whether out of respect for the fact it wasn’t a good time, or maybe he never got the courage. Eventually I made it easier for him, wrapping my arms across my chest.

Though he mistook the sign.

Shrugging off his jumper, he handed it to me. 

I whispered my thanks and put it on, even though I wasn’t cold. Because I didn’t want to make him feel any more awkward. I didn’t want him to feel like I did right now as my crush quite evidently was rejecting me. 

His jumper was at least two sizes too big for me, but it was ridiculously comfy. His scent that lingered in the fabric wafted up to my nose, and I found a small smile slipping onto my face. Gentle notes of pine, musk, and lavender surrounded me, lulling me into a sense of security and safety. I liked his smell.

Finally the movie ended, the lights turned on, and we filed back out. I didn’t catch a glimpse of Oliver in the foyer again thankfully. Shrugging his jumper off, I returned it to Rowan then turned to Evie. 

“So how are we getting home?” I asked her.

Breaking away from Joe, she glanced at me, her smile falling. “Oh… Ro is taking you.”

“Taking… just me?”

“Yeah, I’m going back with Joe.”

I bit my lip. “Can we talk?”

But Joe had already begun to walk away, and she was casting wary glances over at him. “At school tomorrow, okay? Love you!” And then she ran off after him. 

Leaving me standing alone.

“And she didn’t tell you that I was taking you home, did she?” Rowan asked, hands shoved in the front pockets of his jumper he had slipped back on.

I shook my head. “Nope.”

“Well… Shall we go?”

I nodded, following his lead as we headed out into the carpark. Turns out the boys had parked their cars in front of the cinema before going over to the shopping centre to save us from having to walk far after.

But as we rounded the corner and I watched Rowan approach a particular car, I came to a stop. He had a red, 2000 year Toyota Corolla. The exact image you get when someone says they drive a ‘shitbox’. The paint was peeling, the wheels were mismatched, and evidently many parts of the body had been replaced at different periods. 

“Is this thing roadworthy?” I found myself asking. I had never been in a car with a P-Plater other than my sister, and looking at the state of his, I was worried I never would again after tonight.

“Of course it is. Don’t diss my baby,” Rowan said, slipping his key into the car door to unlock it. Because why would the shitbox have central locking?

“Your baby?” I questioned, climbing into the passenger seat. I was glad he didn’t do anything cheesy like opening the door for me. 

“My pride and joy,” he explained, putting his key in the ignition. “I won’t have you mock her.”

“Her?”

He beamed at me as he put the car into reverse, backing out of the car park and taking off in the direction of our end of town.

“So…” he said after we had been driving for a little while. “Want to talk about what happened in there?”

Biting my lip, I looked down at my lap. “You noticed that?” Though I knew he had. He was the only one who seemed to notice me anymore.

Nodding, he said, “I know I don’t know heaps about your situation. But if you need someone to vent to or a shoulder to cry on… I’m here.”

“It’s not your problem.”

“Hey. You said I have to learn to be your friend first. If you’d talk to Evie about it, you can talk to me, your new closest friend, about it.”

His insistence coaxed a smile onto my face and I turned to look at him. For the first time, really look at him. Evie had always labelled him ‘hot’, ‘cute’, and ‘dreamy’. But I wouldn’t call him that. Looking at his sloping nose and round cheeks, slightly indented by his dimples, he had the kind of face more often immortalised in stone by the Ancient Greeks. 

Rowan wasn’t handsome. He wasn’t hot or gorgeous. He was pretty. He was kind. He was gentle. 

But as the silence stretched on and I continued to rake over him with my eyes, taking in how his left hand relaxed on the gear stick and his right, leaning on the windowsill, loosely gripped at the steering wheel, his eyes flickered my way a couple of times. “What?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I mumbled, conscious that I was still smiling at him. That my eyes were clouding over and the surrounding lights were beginning to blur into a bokeh effect. And then my heart stammered slightly.

“Why are you looking at me?” he asked, voice getting slightly alarmed, glances between me and the road becoming more frequent.

“Just looking at you,” I whispered. Actually looking at you. But then the moment disappeared as quickly as it came and I turned my attention back to the road in front. “My sister has been lying,” I said, finally coming back to our previous conversation.

He cleared his throat, then asked, “What about?”

“She supposedly moved in with Oliver this weekend. Her boyfriend.”

“Oh… Shit.”

“And Oliver told me they broke up in high school.”

“That’s a big lie then.”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry she’s hurting you, May.”

His compassion was like a magnet for my gaze. The more he warmed my heart with his stolen glances, with his kind words, with his understanding, the more I wanted to look at him. The more I began to see what everyone else was missing about him.

If Evie were here, she’d come up with a justification for April. Or she’d tell me to demand answers. Not once would she consider that I just wanted her to understand that I was in pain for finding another clue that I had lost the sister I once knew. 

But this boy next to me—whose way I had never glanced because I was too busy chasing the person who was directly in front of me—had somehow seen much more than anyone. 

I told him he didn’t know me. But the reality was, I didn’t know just how much he already knew me. How deep would he dig into me if I let him actually into my life?

Not wanting to follow my thoughts further or acknowledge whatever bubbling sensation was stirring in my stomach, I distracted myself with a question for him. “So when do I get to see the drawings?”

“What drawings?”

“The ones that broke up your last relationship?”

For the millionth time tonight, his eyes grew wide. And even in the darkness, I could tell he was flushed again. Seeing that I had that effect on him thrilled me. I didn’t know if that was because he was Rowan Hart or just because he was someone. But I wanted to keep doing it for now.

Because maybe if Evie realised she really could lose me, she’d come back to me.

“Never. Never ever,” Rowan muttered, switching hands on the wheel, his right awkwardly rubbing his mouth as he did his best to not look at me.

“Why? Did you draw me in hentai form?”

Both hands now gripped the wheel. “I said nothing saucy.”

“How did you even get a reference for it?”

“I… uh… Profile pictures are pretty public.”

As he pulled up in front of my house, I looked over at it and smiled. “So not only have you stalked my Facebook page, you also know where I live?”

“Shit… I was supposed to pretend to ask.”

After unbuckling my seatbelt, I turned to face him. “Thank you for listening to me.”

Whatever internal hole he was digging himself into, he pulled himself out of it for the moment, soft gaze meeting mine. “Any time, May. I’m always here if you need it.”

I gave him a small smile, then climbed out of his car. But before I closed it, I leaned back down. “I stalked your profile too after I accepted your friend request.” Then I closed the door and headed inside, leaving him with my last comment to rejoice about.