I was handed a lighter, and resumed my puffing. “So, what exactly do you want?” I asked. I knew it wasn’t good, but I wasn’t entirely sure of their intentions. “Nice net by the way, very comfortable.” I snitched the lighter while they were looking away.

“Comfort wasn’t part of the conception, but I’m glad to hear it. Now, here’s what will happen. You will come with me to meet someone who has questions for you. You will answer the questions, grant the wishes, and be released to your natural habitat which seems to consist of pubs and cheap fast food places. You will not protest, unless you have some deep masochistic fetishes I was not warned about. All clear?”

The figure finally stopped gesticulating and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Yeah,” I answered. “Some douchebag thinks he can get a free Happily Ever After and I’m the lucky one who gets to grant their wish.”

“That’s one way to see it.” They turned around and made a complicated hand gesture in the air, which I couldn’t follow. Some sort of teleportation spell, I had time to suppose before being teleported. Still in the net.

I didn’t have time to look around. Teleportation always made me feel off, and my stomach wasn’t empty yet.

When I was done heaving and could finally focus on something else, the figure that still didn’t have a name cleaned up the mess. Again, without wand or any other instrument. It was slightly worrying. “You done?” they asked, a disgusted look on their still blurry face.

“Dunno, you gonna stop throwing me around?” The sass was unnecessary but I really couldn’t bring myself to give a damn.

The figure smirked. My vision was getting a little clearer, I could now make out androgynous features and a golden skin on a tall, lean body. That didn’t really change anything in regards to my opinion of them (i.e., they’re a jerk) but at least I knew they were pretty. Which made me want to punch them even more.

A polite cough interrupted my violent urge. It came from someone seated on a sort of throne at the other side of the way too big to be an office room. Dark marble floor, giant windows with light blue curtains held with golden thread, and sadly no chimney. A big armchair, all dark blue, with golden wood as a base. Very Napoleon. On it, a young man, maybe 23 years old, 25 at most. Light skin, dark eyes, long curly black hair that looked really soft, a sculpted but thin body. Wouldn’t look out of place in Venice, Italy. In other words, my type. Although a bit young.

“Welcome, Tina”, he said. Rich baritone. I’d better sober up real fast or I’d be in deep trouble. “I’m glad you could join us on such short notice.” 

“My pleasure. Mind if I smoke?” I needed something to steady myself. And to keep my breathing even. I reached inside my purse without waiting for an answer. If they could bring me here in such a cavalier way, they could stand the smoke. And I still had the lighter.

The man on the throne, whom I assumed to be a prince, smiled. “Of course”, he said. Which didn’t mean anything but I took it as a signal to go ahead. He kept talking while I took the pack out and grabbed a cigarette.

“We didn’t ask you here just to antagonize you, you know. I offer my help. I know you’re on a special case. And you can’t find the HEA for that particular princess. We would like to volunteer.”

Ah, so that’s what it was. Made sense, in a way. More sense than my bosses deciding to fire me at past midnight anyway. And the princess was indeed a tough one.

However… “What makes you think you can help?”

The princess was a hard case, not because of a lack of suitors or an impossible shape for a ball gown. She just wasn’t interested in the kind of Happily Ever After that my agency offered. What made this guy think he’d be better than the dozen dudes I had introduced her to?

“The answer, my dear Tina, is simple. We need a queen. But we’re not really interested in a wife. What we propose is an open marriage.”

Now that was unexpected. I made myself comfortable in my net and pumped on my smoke to buy me some time. I needed to think. Could it work? Maybe. Was it worth a shot? Probably. Was I willing to indulge this unnamed character just to move the story forward and be done with it? Yes, yes I might be.

“I need a name and a way to contact you. I’ll think on it and give you an answer in the coming 2 weeks.” That was the standard time-stalling answer approved by my boss. I couldn’t decide right then, not with the fumes of alcohol creating erotic shapes in the background of my brain, and not without access to magic. And I needed to talk to the not-yet-a-princess anyway.

The very probably prince nodded. “2 weeks. Cecile here will bring you back to wherever they found you and give you my card. Good night Tina, I’m looking forward to seeing you again.”

The blood roaring in my ears made the teleportation easier. Charming, huh. This one might actually be. Hot, at the very least.

We landed, as promised, in the exact spot we had been before. Even the fog was still there, although I could actually make out the shapes of houses now. Cecile snapped their fingers, making the net disappear. They smirked as they handed me a card. “Hard to resist, huh?” they seemed almost empathetic.

“Yeah, but that might not be enough to get him what he wants. Anyway, fancy a drink?” I didn’t need more alcohol, but I was craving company. Cecile laughed and shook their head with a smile. Then ‘snap’, gone. I was left half drunk, half horny, in the middle of a foggy road, with a card in hand and the memory of a voice rousing the fires of my imagination.

I made my slow way back home, waiting to get there before thinking about any of what had just happened. I didn't even look at my interior, instead I went straight to the bedroom, crashed on my bed and waited for my mind to clear. 

Happily Ever After, but without the commitment. That prince was something else. A queen, but not a wife. There was something about it that made me wonder. What was it he wanted? And how had he known about the girl? I mean finding out that I was working on her case wasn’t hard, but how did he learn that she wasn’t into the usual kind of HEA? Odd. Really, really odd.

My brain was slightly overheating, and shaking my head didn’t clear it. Splashing water on my face didn’t help either. The prince’s face, his smile kept popping up and filling my vision.

I sighed. There was no escaping it, was there. I had a crush on the prince. The very probably prince, I corrected myself. Or maybe it was just the result of being lonely for so long, while helping others find love. Or what looked like love. I eyed the bedside table. The drawer. Shrugged. Might as well.

I took off my clothes, buried myself under the blanket, and reached for the toy that would make this night slightly more bearable. The prince’s voice resonating in my ears, his eyes floating in front of my bedroom walls, I laid back and allowed the magic of a vibrating cylinder to wash all my worries away with a moan.