Min-Joon

The host, Kim Sung-hoon, came at us with what felt like a thousand cheesy questions, all supposedly written by our fans. Kun-Woo had already served his military tour and had been in battle. I would be serving mine soon. Jin-ho might only be sixteen, but he’d witnessed the murder of both his parents at age six and had bounced from one orphanage to another, and yet here we sat pretending to be upright goody-goodies who only ever thought about singing and dancing and butterflies. This world sometimes made me sick. It was so fake.

“And last, but certainly not least,” he said, not a single strand of his overly coiffed hair out of place, “Park Min-Joon, girls. Is there one in your heart? A secret lover we know nothing about?”

If you didn’t know better, you’d think the mood in the room was electric, but for any idol to admit to having a lover would be the end of our career. We had to always be accessible to our fans, someone they had a chance of someday meeting, marrying, and having children with. I didn’t hate the fans for their unrealistic expectations of us; that’s just the way the system was set up.

I grinned from ear to ear. “I’m in love with my music. She’s my mistress.”

“Awww.” Jin-ho laughed, fluttering his eyelashes rapidly before tossing a balled-up piece of paper at me. The other guys laughed. I swatted it and pretended to bashfully glance down at my lap.

Not to hide a blush but to hide the fact that I was currently clenching my teeth.

Not only could I never admit to having a girl, I could never even admit to being who I really was.

There would never be a girl in my heart.

I wasn’t even sure I had much of a heart left after my last boyfriend had crushed it. At first, he’d loved knowing he’d been dating the world’s “prettiest” man in secret. But our schedules had never allowed us any time together. Eventually, he’d grown tired of just talking over the phone.

He’d broken it off, but in a worse way than just ghosting me. I saw a picture of him and his new lover posted to his socials with them sucking on each other’s tongues.

Love was just stupid anyway.

“Speaking of mistresses, I hear there may be another lover on the horizon. I speak, of course, of your latest gig. A little bird told me you’ve just been named the face of the highly lauded clothing line Agape. And that there is even the possibility of a drama or two. Care to share more with us? Hmm?” He spoke in rapid-fire Korean. For all that I didn’t exactly like the guy, even I could recognize that he was good at dangling bait and keeping the audience hooked.

I shrugged. “Well, we have to get through our World Tour first.”

He laughed. “Of course, of course.”

“But I’m excited for the opportunities that come my way in the future.”

“Well, you heard it here first, folks. Park Min-Joon may not be an idol for too much longer!”

My eyes widened. Shit.

My manager wasn’t going to be happy about this.

Sure enough, by the time we got off set, the social feeds had blown up with Park Min-Joon leaving Animus! In just one hour, I’d become the number one trending topic.

My phone rang. I groaned.

Jin-ho laughed, getting into the van that would finally take us home for the night. “Can’t believe you let him bait you, dude. Rookie mistake.”

“Shut up, dick,” I hissed before swiping my phone open. “Min-Suk, look, it’s not like—”

“Min-Joon, you little punk! I don’t get paid enough to deal with your shit. You hear me. You’re issuing a retraction immediately. Stomp out that flame. You leave in two days for the States. We cannot afford to have any misunderstandings here. And so, help me god, don’t you ever get yourself tripped up like that again. Dummy!”

Click.

I stared at my dead screen in a daze.

“Dude, your cousin’s a fucking tigress. I dig it.” Ye-Jun laughed. “Give me her number, will you? You know I’ve been in love with her forever.”

I rubbed at my brow, slouching in my seat as I closed my eyes. Trying not to see any more colors. They were blasting me from all sides now. Leeching my ability to think rationally.

I flipped him the bird.

He chuckled.

“I’d issue that retraction sooner rather than later. You know how Min-Suk gets if you don’t jump.”

With a groan, I opened my screen and started typing.

Fuck you all. I hate this GD business. Go suck a bag of dicks, all of you.

Backspace. Backspace. Backspace.

I sighed.

I didn’t hate the fans. They were the one good thing about this messed up business. But I hated the pressure. I hated the vultures that ran this industry and demanded a type of perfection that was impossible to achieve for any mere human.

I love you all too much to ever think of quitting on you. I’m here with you. All of you. I’ll see you all soon. ~Star…

Click.

Tossing the phone on the seat beside me I closed my eyes. I just wanted to hide. To run away. To find a small place of my own in the middle of a big city where I could just disappear and not be Park Min-Joon, the “prettiest” face in the world, but Park Min-Joon, a regular man who could just love who he wanted and be who he really was.

The impossible dream.

I’d always had impossible dreams.

~*~

Jerrick

I sat down in the seat furthest back in the class. It was another year of school. I was finally in high school. And I’d even made a few friends.

No one here really messed with me. Mom said it was because I was only thirteen but already nearly six feet tall. I wasn’t sure that was it. All I knew was I liked living on Earth. I liked it a lot.

“Hi.”

I turned at the sound of a perky female voice.

And I was stunned to see the prettiest girl I’d ever seen in my life smiling back at me. She had elfin features and long wavy peach-colored hair. Her eyes were the shade of a bluebonnet flower, sort of lavender and sort of blue.

“What’s your name?” she asked.

I couldn’t seem to make my mouth work. I just stared at her, realizing how crazy I must look but unable to stop myself from blanking out.

Her skin was milky white and almost seemed to shimmer. It was so pristine and dewy. She wore no makeup, but she didn’t need it.

“Um. I’m…”

Then she was leaning in and sniffing me.

I automatically pulled back. “What? Why?”

But rather than look embarrassed by what she’d done, she only smiled wider. “You smell nice. My name’s Monroe, but my friends call me Babe. So that’s what you’re going to call me too because now we’re BFFs. You got that.”

I blinked. “What?”

Her smile was secretive and beautiful.

“Gawd, you’re perfect,” she sighed. “So tall and handsome. You’ve got stars in your eyes, did you know that?” she asked, planting her chin on her fist as she gazed almost adoringly at me.

Badum

My heart beat violently in my chest.

“You’re really weird,” I said softly, noting the history teacher entering the class.

She laughed. “You like K-pop?”

I blinked.

“K what?”

“K-pop,” she laughed again. “Oh my god, what kind of rock have you been hiding under all your life? It’s only the best music in the world. Animus is coming to town and I’ve got three tickets. One of my friends can’t make it, though. Her dog just died.”

This girl was so weird.

Weird but beautiful. My heart pumped fast in my chest. She was nice. And she smelled good too. Like flowers. For some reason, I smiled.

“Let’s go watch them together. You, me, and King.”

“King?”

“He’s my good friend. Anyway, what do you say?”

“I…I guess that shouldn’t be a problem.” I never went anywhere, but Mom was always pressing me to start making friends. She’d like that I was finally doing that. I wasn’t doing anything this weekend.

“Good, it’s tonight. Dress your best, okay!” she chirped and turned in her seat just as Mr. Hunter introduced himself.

I blinked, and whispered, “Tonight is too soon. Too fast.”

But she wasn’t listening to me anymore. I groaned. Maybe Mom wouldn’t mind if I went out on a Monday night?

~*~

Jerrick

“Tonight?” Dad asked, slamming the oven door shut after placing his homemade pizza dough inside to bake. “Yeah, Jer, that sounds perfect! You should go. So me and mom can work on making your sister.”

“Dad, oh my god.” I dropped my head into my hands.

Mom’s laugh tinkled through my ears. “Of course you can go. It’s time you started making friends. What’s his name?”

“His?” I frowned. “It’s a girl, her name’s…uh, Babe.”

Freyr laughed. “I like her already.”

“Oh,” Mom said, frowning delicately. “Well, okay.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Mom, what is it?”

Suddenly the doorbell rang.

My eyes widened. “They’re here already? I’m not ready yet. We still have two hours until showtime.”

“Let them in,” Dad called. “I made plenty. Wanna meet your friends anyway.”

I shook my head, but hopped up and ran toward the door, strangely euphoric at the idea of getting to hang out with my friends. I had friends now.

When I tossed open the door, Babe smiled widely at me. She was wearing a pair of rainbow cat ears, a rainbow tutu skirt, a white form-fitting shirt with the words FujoshiQn written on it, white suspenders, and white converse sneakers.

Beside her a tall black guy with a high top fade and a red and blue letterman jacket stood beside her. Beneath his eye he wore a painted star.

“Hey, Jerrick!” Babe squealed. “This is King.”

“’Sup.” King nodded, looking shy and timid. He was tall, broad shouldered…exactly what I’d expect a jock to look like. He had golden, leonine eyes.

Babe snickered. “Cute, right?”

I blinked. “What?”

Her secretive, pretty smile played about her lips. “Oh nothing. Anyway, can we come in?”

It was Mom who answered. “Fujoshi Queen, huh?”

I frowned.

“What? Oh.” Babe looked at her shirt and nodded. “You know what it means?”

Mom grinned. “I know what it really means, but I understand how you intend it. Consider spinning yourself up on its true meaning.”

Babe frowned slightly and I felt totally lost. But I could tell my mother wasn’t angry, she was trying to teach Babe something.

“Still, I think you’re a good friend for my boy. Dnd King, welcome to our home.” She walked right up to him, and gave him a huge hug. The big guy almost seemed to blush.

Babe happily gave Mom a hug back. And before I knew it, we were all eating pizza and chatting about school and the concert and other things.

“So yeah, there’s like this huge Pride Day parade happening. King and I wanna make a banner and march. You should totally come too, Jer,” she said, looking at me sweetly.

Did she know I had no gender preference?

I simply liked good people who stimulated me. And right now, I liked her. A lot. She was pretty and nice and smelled good. I’d never considered myself gay. Still, I wanted to be with her and even if that meant marching in a gay pride parade I didn’t mind, so long as she was there.

“Oh, can I go shirtless and paint my stomach in rainbow colors?” Dad asked. “I’m an ally too.”

“Dad, oh my god.” I dropped my head in my hands for the second time in an hour.

“The irony of that statement gets me every time,” he said with a chuckle. Dad was literally a Norse fertility deity. Which was basically a nice way of saying he was a sex god.

Not that my human friends would understand.

But they laughed anyway.