“How many casualties again?” Amaryllis demanded. The young princess was still working in the nursing camp, which was located near the Southwest army so they could attend to any injured soldiers as soon as possible. 

Due to her special status, she was one of the earliest people within the nursing camp to receive critical information, such as reports of battle, which was what she was receiving at the current moment.

The messenger, a pageboy, flinched under her sharp glare. “I-I’m only reading what’s written, Your Highness! This message said around two thousand deaths were confirmed, with an additional five thousand wounded or missing.”

Amaryllis sank back down into her chair. Two thousand dead, with more missing or wounded. Two thousand lives lost for their kingdom, fighting this stupid war. Amaryllis might have treated about two thousand soldiers in her short career as a nurse. She can’t imagine that many people, all dead. And that’s just the number for the Southwest army.

“Two thousand is a lot of lives.” Amaryllis finally whispered. She should have known the news was bad bad when the pageboy appeared before her with a heavy cloud of dread and anxiety.

“Well, if it makes you feel better, we believed that Northern army and Eastern army suffered similar casualties—”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better!” Amaryllis angrily replied, her voice rising again. “I’ve heard your message, now leave!”

The pageboy hastily scrambled out the door so quickly that Amaryllis almost felt bad for taking out her grief on him. Livia, another nurse, popped her head in.

“Amaryllis, are you all right?” 

Amaryllis had given her fellow nurses the right to call her by name instead of sticking to her title. After all, they are all equal here, doing the same share of work healing injured soldiers. In fact, she had a feeling that most of the other nurses had largely forgotten that she was a princess due to the mention toward that detail.

Only in moments like these did Amaryllis remember who she really was.

“Did you hear?” Amaryllis asked, her eyes rimmed with red. “Two thousand men dead. A total of seven thousand casualties for our army.”

Livia’s face blanched, and Amaryllis could feel the horror creeping into Livia’s emotions. “That’s a really bad battle.”

“All three armies were engaged, then a mudslide came out of nowhere and buried some people while sweeping others away into the river where they drowned.”

“Oh, Amaryllis.” Livia sat down next to her and gave her a hug. 

“I feel responsible, Liva. I’m the princess of Etheria, but there is nothing I can do for them.”

“That’s not true. You’ve been working hard as a nurse for the last four years. Everyone here knows of your effort and highly respects you.”

“I still feel useless. How can you stand this, Livia? How can anyone stand this? Sometimes, I feel like the hopelessness will eat me away until I am nothing more than a shell.”

Livia clamped a hand on Amaryllis’s shoulder. “You know what? I think it’s time for you to take a vacation.”

Amaryllis practically recoiled in shock. “What? A vacation? At a time like this?”

Livia nodded confidently. “Listen, you’ve been subjected to a lot of pressure as a royal since you were young. On top of that, you’ve been working hard as a nurse here everyday. I think you’re getting burnt out. So, go somewhere and relax a bit. I know you don’t like being around people that much.”

Livia was one of the few people who knew Amaryllis’s secret, which was that she can sense the emotions of others. She knew that it made being a nurse more difficult for her because Amaryllis was more sensitive to the raw feeling of pain, terror, and grief among their war patients.

Amaryllis waved Livia’s hand away. “Very funny. There’s nowhere I can go to relax. It’s not like I can escape my identity and duties.”

Livia thought hard for a moment. “I have a cottage near the border that’s also very close to here. It’s been abandoned for some time, though, since I had to evacuate when the enemies’ armies approached. But I believe it’s still there and standing. If you want to take a break, go there for a few days to unwind.”

Amaryllis seriously considered this proposal. “What about my parents?”

“We’ll tell them that you went traveling to the Temple of Elysara to seek guidance from the oracle or something.”

Elysara was the only neutral territory left in Mythina. Since it was the territory closest to the gods, the priests who governed Elysara felt that it was vital for them to not take a side. This created feelings of both resentment and relief from the people of other kingdoms.

“Aren’t you worried that I might get kidnapped or something? There’s a reason why royalty don’t go anywhere alone.”

Livia snorted. “With the self-defense training we all did? We know you can protect yourself.”

Amaryllis nodded, finally convinced. “All right. Write down the location of this place and I’ll leave later today.”

Livia paused as she seemed to recall something. “I just remembered, I think that it’s located too close to the latest battle. On second thoughts, it might not be safe for you to go.”

“No worry.” Amaryllis shook her head. “All three armies have withdrawn from that location. And after all—” Amaryllis stood up from her chair with a solemn expression. “Who else is better to hold a vigil for our fallen soldiers than their one and only princess?”

On the following morning, Amaryllis slipped out of the nursing camp on a horse and rode toward Livia’s cottage. It took several hours to reach it. Sure enough, it was located really close to the location of the infamous battle. In fact, it was just several miles downstream of the river. Amaryllis could even find pieces of armor and weapons that had been washed downstream.

Aside from the evidence of death and violence nearby, it was a rather charming cottage. While small for a princess, the building was heaven compared to the shabby nursing camp Amaryllis had been living in for the last few years. 

However, being abandoned for a period of time had taken its toll. The garden was overgrown and the inside of the cottage was covered with a layer of dust. Spiderwebs hung from the rafters, and the windows were dirty. 

But that did not deter Amaryllis one bit. With her hands on her hips, Amaryllis surveyed the area to make mental plans of how to transform this cottage back to something more liveable. She spent the better part of the afternoon cleaning out the abandoned cottage, including washing the bedsheet and laundry using water drawn from a nearby well. The river water would have been easier to use, but she felt uneasy about using water that was probably still carrying traces of blood from the recent battle. After the sheets and laundry have been hung to dry in the sun, she restocked the pantry and cellars so she’ll have some food for the next few days. 

Then, after she deemed the cottage good enough to live in again, she made a trip to the very river that swept away many lives. 

The sun was starting to set, dying the sky in shades of orange and purple. With a heavy heart, Amaryllis knelt by the bank of the river and started praying for the souls of the fallen soldiers. She didn’t specify which soldiers, for they were all victims of this endless war and there are no sides after death. So out of the goodness of her heart, she decided to pray for everyone who died there.

“To the god Neptis, your water swept away all these lives, so I hope that you compensate them by guiding their souls to the afterlife. To the goddess Maona, it was your earth that caused so much destruction, so I hope you compensate the living in return. To the goddess Delphine, I hope that they fulfilled their destiny to your satisfaction, and I pray that you grant them kinder fates in their next life. To the goddess Elethea, I thank you for granting them a chance to live…”

That was all Amaryllis could say, for there was no god of death or god of the dead. After all, what was death but the absence of life? Maybe she would have prayed to Astraeus, the god of truth and justice, for being merciful in his judgement on those souls. From the old stories, Astraeus was responsible for judging the outcome of one’s life and the result of that judgement determined the circumstances of the person’s next life. 

But from what she heard, Astraeus had been banished from the divine realm by Erebos for over a hundred years. Then, who is judging these souls now? Are they trapped in stasis, unable to reincarnate?

For a brief moment, Amaryllis’s heart filled with resentment toward Erebos. How dare he start this hundred-year war because of his own selfish intentions? Who asked him to become King of Gods? Is there anyone, anyone who is pleased with him becoming King of Gods?

“Curse you!” Amaryllis yelled at the sky, careful not to call Erebos by name lest she attracted his attention. From what she knows, as long as mortals don’t call the gods by name, the gods will not pay them any mind. Let Erebos think she’s just venting about another person. “Just end this stupid war already!”

With a huff, Amaryllis sat back down at the bank of the river… and nearly leaped out of her skin when she heard a soft groan.

With a soft gasp, Amaryllis quickly got back to her feet and looked around for who may have made the noise.

“Who’s there?” Amaryllis demanded, her heart pounding. One of her hands reached for a knife hidden at her side.

She heard another groan, this time, she was able to pinpoint the location. It was coming from a thick clump of river grass growing in the shallow part of the river.

Is it a soldier? One of the ones that were reported missing?

Amaryllis couldn’t ignore the idea that it might have been a soldier from the Southwest army. It could be one of her people. And from the sound of it, he seemed injured. 

As if to prove her thoughts, another groan came, this one clearly one of pain.

As a nurse, Amaryllis couldn’t ignore an injured person like that. There have been too many deaths here already.

Taking a deep breath, Amaryllis gathered up her skirt in one hand and waded into the river while slipping a hidden knife out of its sheath with another. The river had calmed down since the mudslide and was no longer as turbulent, so she no longer had to fear being swept away by its currents. She approached the clump of river grass cautiously, bracing herself for whatever she might find there.

As she got close enough, she finally saw the source of the noise. Tangled among the river grass was a young man wearing armor. He was barely conscious, and his helmet was gone, revealing tawny gold hair. However, Amaryllis could tell from his armor that he was not a soldier from her side.

He was an enemy soldier. 

And no sooner than she thought this, the enemy soldier opened his eyes and looked right into hers.