“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask you something.” Sarai fiddles with the buttons on her cardigan.
Currently, it’s Tuesday, and Sarai, Mari, and I are hanging out at my house, just yapping about random shit. But this specific statement coming from Sarai scares me a bit. Surely this won’t be good.
“Yeah?” My voice goes up an octave.
Sarai hesitates for a moment, not looking at me.
“Well, now that you’ve mentioned you wanted to say something, surely you have to say it,” Mari points out, resting their hand on Sarai’s shoulder.
“Well,” Sarai mutters, buttoning and unbuttoning the top button of her pink cardigan with mushrooms on it. “Adelia…do you, you know…have a crush on Elena?”
I knew nothing good would come out of this. I freeze at an instant, unsure of how to respond.
“Sarai, did you have to ask that?” Mari snaps.
“But we’ve both been wondering!”
“Can’t you see how uncomfortable you just made Adelia? I mean, just look at her!”
Sarai catches my eye, and instant regret comes across her face. “Sorry, I–”
“Don’t worry about it.” I plaster on a smile.
“You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to,” Mari whispers.
“No, uh, it’s okay. I, er, can.” I take a shaky breath. “I don’t. Not really. Like sure, Elena is a nice person, but we’ve just met about two weeks ago. Besides, she’s straight anyway. I’ve never fallen for a straight girl.” I scratch the back of my neck nervously. Hopefully they won’t pester me anymore about this. Hopefully I was convincing enough.
Clearly I wasn’t.
“You don’t sound so sure of yourself,” Sarai comments, giving me a suspicious look.
“Sarai!” Mari exclaims.
I hesitate for a moment, the truth at the tip of my tongue. What’s the worst that could happen? Just get it over with and tell them. “I…” I shake my head. I can’t believe I’m about to say this. I get Sarai and Mari’s attention immediately. “I mean, if I’m being honest with you guys, and most importantly, myself, I do like her.”
“I knew it!” Sarai pumps her fist in the air as if she just won something, though I honestly don’t know what she just won. “I mean…” she gets a little more timid as soon as she does that, flopping her hand back down in her lap, running her hand through her hair. “I mean, you just seem…really happy around Elena. I’ve had my suspicions since the first day of school. You only say nice things about her, and you always get this look in your eyes when you talk about her…kind of how you were with–”
“Emily.” I finish the sentence for her.
Sarai nods. Mari is just looking back and forth between Sarai and I, seemingly unsure of what to do.
“Mari, why don’t you say something?” Sarai demands, turning to Mari.
Mari’s cheeks go a slight rouge. “Uh, well, I, I don’t know what to say,” Mari admits, shifting the position they’re sitting in. “I never know what to say about these kinds of things because I can’t relate.”
“But what’s your opinion on all this?” I wave my hands around.
“Uhh, I mean, I am happy for you, in a way, because you haven’t been this happy in a while, but…” Mari’s voice trails off.
“But what?” I interrogate.
Mari sighs, flattening their forest green hair. “I don’t think it’s a good thing that you fell for a straight girl. I mean, maybe my gaydar is off, but she seems to be straight. She even admitted she was.”
Sarai clicks her tongue. “But she has also been sending some signs.”
“Yeah, but what if this is just a…a joke or something? She comes from a homophobic family. Maybe she’s just making fun of me because I’m a lesbian, and I’m mistaking that for flirting?” The last sentence comes out as a question.
“Adelia,” Mari begins. “Look, Sarai and I might not be as close to Elena as you are, but we still know her somewhat. I doubt she’d ever do that. She isn’t the type to take advantage of people like this.”
“Mari’s right,” Sarai chimes in. “I doubt she would ever do that to you.” “But she’s been sending me so many mixed signals,” I groan, covering my face with my hands, rolling over on the floor onto my back.
“Like what?” Mari questions, scooting closer to me.
“Uh, a ton…I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“Start at the beginning then, and work your way until the most recent mixed signal.”
So I do spill.
Sitting up, I begin to tell the story.
“The first time I got some sort of thought that she might like me was when we first hung out outside of school. I mean, sure, Elena didn’t say anything specific to make me think that, but she was being so nice to me, and it might just be her personality, but at the same time, it doesn’t quite just feel that way.
“But then, on the Monday returning from school, we hardly talked at all today, but then on Tuesday, we talked a lot, especially after the water bottle incident.”
“What water bottle incident?” Sarai raises an eyebrow.
“Oh I didn’t tell you? I thought I did.
“Basically, it was almost the end of chemistry, and I spilled my water all over the floor, so Mrs. Arnold sent Elena and I to the bathroom to get paper towels to clean up, and as we were walking to the bathroom, Elena was, like, teasing me.
“It wasn’t anything special, but it felt…different. I don’t know. Maybe this is me being extra hopeful something can come out of this friendship.
“But then, Elena decided to stay behind with me after class to help me finish cleaning up, and when I told her she didn’t have to stay to help, she said she did because she wanted to be with me. Then next thing I know, she grabs me by the arm–which she never did before until then–and she asked if I wanted to go over to her house after school to do some homework.
“Throughout the whole hangout, she just kept staring at me and saying and doing some flirty stuff. Like, when she noticed for the first time that I had dimples, she poked me in the cheek. And she said I had a really pretty smile.”
“Did you flirt with her a bit too? Or at least compliment her?” Mari asks.
“Yeah, I did,” I replied. “We were sitting outside on her porch after dinner, and watched the sun set. I…said the sun made her hair look really pretty, and that the way the sun kissed her made her hair extra pretty. But yeah…that’s it.”
“That is so not it,” Sarai mutters. “You guys have been hanging out almost every single day after school, apart from today! There has to be something else!”
“Well, I mean…” my voice trails off.
“C’mon, spill,” Mari pleads.
“Fine. We were watching a horror movie the other day instead of doing our homework, and at a really scary part, Elena suddenly grabbed my hand and, like, held it for a bit. But then…
“Go on!” Sarai demands.
Sighing, I continue. “But when she looked down at our hands and I laughed slightly, she pulled away. She did turn a bit red, but then she said she just likes physical touch. But then again…she doesn’t act this way with you two?” I point at Sarai and Mari.
“Yeah…” Mari’s voice fades away.
“I mean, I don’t think she’s straight. Or, if she is, she’s being overly friendly, which is cool but also a bit creepy.”
“Maybe she’s just this close to me because she’s happy she finally made one good friend here in America? Maybe she’s afraid of being lonely, and that’s why she’s being so nice to me, so that I won’t leave her?”
“Perhaps,” Mari replies, zoning out, thinking.
“I doubt that,” Sarai states.
Just then, I don’t know what it is, but I feel a sudden wave of sadness and panic take over, and next thing I know, I just start bawling my eyes out like a pathetic baby.
“Oh, Adelia,” Sarai whispers, scooting so she’s on my left side; Mari moves so they’re on my right.
Both of them wrap me in their embrace while my body heaves, letting the tears come out, forming little wet splotches on my black crop top.
“Shh, it’ll be okay,” Mari murmurs, resting their chin atop my head.
“But I’ve just been so conf-fused,” I wail. “Why can’t things be easier? Why can’t I just be straight or something? That would make my life so much easier.”
“Hey,” Sarai pulls away, running her hand up and down the length of my arm. “No internalized homophobia here. I thought we were over that.”
I laugh half-heartedly. “Yeah, sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, but I am sorry. I made this hangout all about me and now here I am, fucking crying about unrequited love.”
“Enough with saying ‘sorry!’” Mari exclaims, laughing.
“Sor–”
“No.” Mari puts their finger on my lips, and I clamp my mouth shut.
After a few minutes, the crying subsides.
“Well, that was fun,” I try to laugh it off, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.
“Here, how about this,” Sarai takes one of my hands. Mari takes the other.
“What?” I question.
“Let’s make a plan.” Mari and I look at Sarai with a confused look in our eyes.
“What kind of plan?” Mari wonders.
Sarai turns her gaze to Mari. “You and me, Mari, should come up with a way to find out if Elena likes anyone, specifically Adelia.”
“Guys,” I groan. “Don’t do that. You’d just make it awkward.”
“But like…we could actually help you out, Adelia. Don’t you want that?” Sarai cocks her head to the side.
“I mean, I do, but…” I pull my hand out of Sarai’s for a minute to run my hand through my hair.
“But what? I think that would be a really good idea,” Mari says, looking between me and Sarai.
I look at Mari. Well, if even Mari thinks it’s a good idea, then just let them go through with it. “Nevermind then,” I mutter. “Just…don’t make it awkward. You guys have to figure out the plan, though.”
“But you have to help,” Sarai pokes me on the cheek.
“Fine,” I resign.
We end up spending the rest of the hangout trying to come up with a plan.
Comments (0)
See all