I put down my once-full container of salata de boeuf, savoring the last bite.
Adelia, Sarai, Mari, and I are currently at GSA, which is in Mrs. Newman’s art room, along with Amanda. It's the second lunch block. We’ve about twenty five minutes left until our next class.
“We should plan out what we’re going to do for the rest of the year,” Amanda states, stabbing her salad with her fork.
“Yeah. We’re still doing the pride week thingy the last full week of school, right?” Mari questions with a mouth full of muffin.
“Eww, Mari. How many times do I have to tell you to chew and swallow your food before you start talking?” Sarai side-eyes Mari.
“Sorry,” Mari holds in a laugh.
“Of course we are! I just hope more people show up this year than last year…” Amanda stares at the floor, lost in thought.
“And we’re doing the annual food drive, right? In January?” Adelia questions, wringing her hands. She’s done eating.
“Yeah, we are. Definitely,” Amanda replies. She glances around the room. “We just need more people.”
“I’m sure more people will turn up. Some people might have lab today, and that’s why they didn’t show up,” Mrs. Newman chimes in, taking a bite out of her crisp red apple.
“Maybe…” Amanda sounds doubtful.
I look around the room. Though I’m surrounded by people, I can’t help but feel a bit…lonely. I guess it’s because I can’t follow along with what anyone is talking about. So I decide to speak up for myself.
I clear my throat. Everyone turns to look at me. “I, er, I didn’t go here last year, so I don’t really know what any of you guys are talking about,” I admit, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Oh, right,” Adelia starts. “Sorry! Where do you want me to start?”
“What do you guys do for pride week?”
“Oh, it’s really fun!” Adelia gets all animated when she starts talking about this topic. “How it went last year was one day we made bracelets, the next day we played Mario Kart, and another day we watched drag racing. I don’t know what we did the other two days because I wasn’t here for that.”
“Those other two days we watched some Heartstopper and did a presentation to better educate people about our community,” Amanda adds.
“Ooh, okay! That sounds fun! I’d really like to be part of that this year, if that’s okay.”
“Of course you can be part of that! You can help us plan and run it! Or you can just come in during that week and chill. Whatever you want,” Amanda says, smiling at me.
“Thanks!” I look around at everyone. “Also, what’s the food drive?”
“Basically,” Amanda starts, flipping her strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder. “We partner up with a church every year and host a food drive with them at the church.”
“A church?” My voice rises. “But aren’t most churches…anti-lgbtq?”
Amanda laughs softly. “I mean, some of them, yeah, but we live in a pretty liberal area fortunately, and there’s this church called ‘A Church For All Peoples;’ that’s the one we partnered up with last year. They’re accepting of everyone.”
“Oh, that’s nice!” I reply. “It’s nice to live in a more open-minded place. Romania isn’t quite like this, though we are getting there, slowly…”
“Yeah,” Adelia murmurs, crossing her arms as if she’s cold.
“Can we plan out the year at our next meeting? I just want to yap about life,” Mari complains.
Sighing, Amanda concedes. “Fine. We can yap, if that’s what you want to do.” And under her breath, she says, “You guys are such yappers.”
“Hey!” Mari softly punches Amanda on the shoulder. “You yap too, especially about Heartstopper.”
“Shh,” Amanda sounds in a voice barely above a whisper, and she then mews.
“NO! WE DON’T DO THAT HERE!” Adelia shouts, forcefully removing Amanda’s finger from her jawline.
“Jeez, calm down,” I laugh, putting my hand on Adelia’s shoulder.
“No! Mewing should be illegal. It signifies the end of society,” Adelia protests.
“Sorry,” Amanda resigns, putting her hands up in an attempt to make peace.
Huffing, Adelia crosses her arms and looks away in mock anger.
“I know what we should do!” Sarai exclaims suddenly. She looks at me specifically for a moment, then looks away. Uhh?
“What?” Adelia uncrosses her arms and instead clasps her hands, resting them on her lap.
A huge grin spreads across Sarai’s face. “We should all take a gay test.”
I laugh uncomfortably, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “But I’m…not gay?” the words come out as a question rather than a statement.
“Please do it with us! Just for funzies,” Sarai begs.
“Fine,” I concede, and then we all gather around behind Sarai’s computer to find the perfect quiz. When we encounter one from ProProfs, entitled, “What is My Sexuality?,” Adelia decides to go first, taking Sarai’s seat.
Of course, she ends up getting lesbian.
The next person to go is Mari, who requests we don't look to see their answers so we move away from them until they’re finished. Of course, they got asexual.
Next up is Sarai, who doesn’t mind if we see her answers to the questions. She ends up getting omnisexual, though she admits that she prefers to use the label “queer” instead.
Amanda then goes, and she gets bisexual, which she confirms is correct.
Now, finally, my turn.
As I sit down, I suddenly get self-conscious. Turning around I ask sheepishly, “Mind if I do this…without you guys staring?”
“Sure!” Amanda responds, and with that, everyone moves so they’re standing in front of me instead at the head of the table so that they can’t see anything.
The first question is, “Who do you get emotionally attracted to?”
The options are: Someone of the opposite gender, someone of the same gender, I am attracted to both genders, I do not feel emotionally attracted to anyone all the time or most of the time, and gender doesn’t matter.
I’m quick to click “someone of the opposite gender,” but I stop myself. I do get emotionally attached to girls, if I’m being honest, but I don’t think that has to do with sexuality? I end up selecting “I am attracted to both genders.”
Next question is, “what is the gender of the person you are physically attracted to?”
To that, I automatically click “someone of the same gender,” but, just like the last question, I stall a little bit. I, um. I don’t know.
In the end, I click on “both genders.”
The quiz ends up going like this until I reach the end: select the answer that would make others think I’m straight, really think about it, then select an option that is not considered straight. I even end up clicking some options that would make others think I’m a lesbian. I’m such a mess.
I end up getting “you’re bisexual,” and before I can give it a second thought, I close the computer.
“Why’d you do that?” Sarai inquires, walking over to me.
“I uh…I got straight,” I try to fake it, laugh it off.
She’s about to open the laptop when I stop her. I whisper, “No, please don’t. It’s…embarrassing.”
Sarai raises an eyebrow. “What, was it not what you expected?” she whispers back.
I nod.
“Well, I’m afraid that when I open my computer at some point later today, I will see. Unless the site reloads when I open it,” Sarai says apologetically.
I groan, covering my face with my hands. “Fine. You can show everyone.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. It’s not accurate anyway.”
With a quick wave of Sarai’s hand, everyone comes to join us, and Sarai opens her computer.
Unfortunately, the site didn’t reload.
“You got bisexual” it says in fat, bolded letters, with a picture of a bisexual pride flag below it.
“Oh?” Adelia looks at me.
“I, uh, I don’t know. Maybe I misunderstood some of the questions because…English isn’t my first language?” I make up the most pathetic, but believable, excuse.
“Maybe. Want to retake it again with me? I can tell you what the questions are really asking. I get it: the questions can be a bit confusing sometimes,” Adelia offers, looking hopefully at me.
It’s then when it hits me.
Adelia. All the compliments.
She likes me.
But…do I feel the same way about her?
Isn’t it too soon?
Suddenly, I feel like I can’t breathe.
“Uh…” my voice dies down.
“Elena? Are you okay? You look like you’re about to be sick,” Adelia says, concerned.
“No, I’m fine,” I reply quickly. My mouth feels dry.
My thoughts swirl into one giant mess. I think quickly of an excuse to get me out of this. “I, er, I have to go back to my locker. I forgot something that I need for my next class.”
Standing up, I pack up my lunch box, while Adelia looks at me with a look of panic in her eyes. The only reason why I can tell she looks like this is because I can make her out of the corner of my eye. I try to avoid eye contact with her.
“I can go with you! Wait for me!” Adelia says as I stuff my lunch box into my backpack, then sling my backpack over my shoulder.
“No, it’s okay. We don’t have next class together anyway,” Lucky I can make that excuse; that’s one of the two classes Adelia and I don’t have together.
“Oh,” is all Adelia says.
Waving back to her and the others awkwardly, I exit the art room.
I’m not bisexual. I can’t afford to be.
Now what?
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