-CHRIS-

-Alex Bitches and I Get Bored-

“Who does he even think he is?! He can’t just dump her in my house, can he?”

Alex had been yelling ever since I’d arrived.

For the past hour and a half I’ve been attempting to help Alex clean up his grotty apartment while he bitched and bad-mouthed some chic he doesn’t even know. 

“Do you remember her name? Did Dave say?” I asked as I kicked some more clothes under the couch.

“Dave said her name was Octavius or something like that.” Alex grumbled as he fought some Chinese takeout containers into the trash can. 

“Do you think they’ve fought Spider-man?” I said with a smile as I picked up a couple of paper balls and threw them at Alex’s head.

“Pfft, She probably got high with some creep dressed like Spider-man in an alleyway instead.” Alex said with a smile, catching and throwing back the paper balls.

“What if she’s actually a nice person?” I asked, checking behind his cabinets. Alex let out a loud, sharp laugh.

“Ha! Good people don’t put themselves in situations like that. She’s literally coming to sleep on some strangers' couch. We’ve never met before.” he explained as he tried to stomp some rubbish down into the bin. 

“If she’s actually really hot and you end up sleeping with her, you’ve gotta give me two hundred bucks” I said as I reached behind his television cabinet and pulled out an old pizza box.

“Dude…” I started, chucking him the box like a frisbee. “When was the last time you left the apartment? That pizza box has the old logo on it, Pitaroni’s isn’t even there anymore, it burnt down a couple weeks ago. Maybe even a month or two.”

“What? No way. Pitaroni’s was the best goddamn pizza place in town!” Alex said back, genuinely shocked from the news. There was a couple minutes of silence as we cleaned before Alex spoke again.

“Does that clock sound really loud to you? It’s annoying me.”

“What? No, I didn’t even hear it.” I said, looking around for the clock. “I think you’ve spent too long cooped up in here. The clock’s not loud at all, I think it’s all in your head, dude. You’re going mental. Maybe some company will be good for you.” 

“If you think having company is so good, why didn’t you let me move in with you?” Alex said, scouting around for more trash. 

“I’d never get a girlfriend if I lived with you. Also, look at the state you live in, it’s unnerving.” I said, leaning back against the wall for a moment, taking a break from cleaning.

“What do you mean it’s unnerving? You live like this as well.

You’re a man,

IT’S NATURAL.”

Alex said back as he checked around the couch.

“For girls, dumbass. It’s unnerving for girls. They don’t like this, it gives them panic attacks.”

Alex scoffed at me so I continued to prove my point. “You do remember who grew up with three sisters, right? Girls don’t like mess. If we lived together then our combined mess would be untamable.” 

Alex must’ve realised he was losing the argument and changed the subject.

“Have you been shoving crap under the couch this entire time?” He asked, fishing around beneath it.

“Hey man, I ain’t touching all your crap. I don’t know what you’ve put your juices on.” I said as I continued to not clean.

Before he could ask or protest, Alex’s phone buzzed from the kitchen bench. We both wandered over there to check it out. It was an email from Dave.