TW: Discussing sexual assault

“What’s that cheering?” Michael asked. 

Nick looked over and groaned, “Saunders and that short Beta just crossed the finish line.”

Nick thought Michael would be agitated as well that a team already finished while they were still stuck on the fourth course, with ten more to go. But Michael smiled, a real and genuine smile.

“I knew Kit could do it. He’s definitely gonna be a Hawk.”

Nick’s gut clenched, his fists tightened and his head pounded. How? How could he be so happy at someone else’s success? Didn’t he realize the more others succeeded the more he failed?

“You’re that happy being a loser?” Nick hissed.

“We didn’t lose, we’re just not done. Slow and steady wins the race you know.”

“That’s bullshit,” Nick screamed. He knew he was drawing attention to himself but didn’t care. He couldn’t feel anything beyond that crippling pain from the nightmares that wouldn’t leave him be. Pain he couldn’t keep locked up inside him anymore. “We’re not even close to winning this thing. And we never will. Because you’re too stupid to listen to the most basic instructions!”

“Hey, I’m trying my best here. It’s not my fault your instructions are crap.”

“You know what’s crap? You! You and that short Beta and the other Hawks. You really think what you do here makes a difference? No one cares about you Betas. If you die on the field we just call up another one to replace you. We’re the ones who are irreplaceable. We Alphas are irreplaceable. No one cares about Betas who fail. No one!”

Suddenly, Nick felt his whole body wrenched around by a strong grip on his shoulder. He barely turned around when a fist came flying into his face. Nick fell flat on his ass and looked up, shocked to see Colt, his face red and distorted in rage, glaring down at him.

“No one is replaceable,” Colt yelled. “Not you and not them!”

Nick saw red and jumped up, ready to hit Colt back when a whistle sounded.

 “Saunders, Chambers, get your asses over here. NOW!” Miller yelled across the field.

 Silently, their bodies coiled and still itching for a fight, they slunk over to Miller whose face was mottled with fury. “Follow me,” he barked.

Nick couldn’t think, couldn’t form words as he absently followed Miller. He was just feeling too much.  The pressure of being a successful Alpha, his father’s desire for him to be better than everyone, Michael’s constantly cheerful smiles and Colt’s confident smirk as if he didn’t care that the world was going to hell anyway and no one cared about him. 

No one cared.

“Alright boys. I think this has been a long time coming. Fight it out.”

Nick blinked as he slowly registered Miller’s voice then finally looked around, realizing they were in the middle of the boxing ring in the Wolf cadet gym.

Nick looked at Colt and hoped that he looked less dismayed than Colt did.

“Well, go on,” Miller gestured with frustration. “You two have been itching to fight each other since the day you got here. Now’s your chance. Your one and only chance. You fight, then you lick your wounds and that’s it. You’re done with this competitive bullshit. Because you two are the strongest cadets we have in the program despite that childish display I saw out there. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to let your immature jackassery ruin your future careers.”

“Um, sir. It’s OK. I don’t really want to hit Chambers,” Colt said in a soothing voice, smiling tremulously.

“After all the stuff he called you over the last year and a half?” Miller said in disbelief. “Let’s see what was it he called you? Oh yeah, weak, pathetic, waste of space, a Beta bastard, an upstart, a dick, a freak. Want me to keep going?”

Nick winced at each insult, realizing how much abuse he had poured onto the Beta when it was actually spelled out in front of him. He saw Colt’s jaw and fists clench and knew Colt was recalling those memories too. But while Nick was remembering it from his perspective, one full of Alpha superiority and a strong urge to stomp out the Beta, Colt probably saw an obstacle, a bully and a jerk. It wasn’t a flattering thought.

“This is your only chance, Saunders. If you don’t hit him now you never can.”

Colt slowly turned around to face Nick, his face red, neck veins popping and body coiled. Nick knew the second Colt decided to punch him. He saw his hand clench, muscles tighten and knew he could block the punch if he wanted to.

 WHAM, Colt’s fist once again connected with Nick’s face and Nick went down again, hard.

“Get up you Alpha bastard,” Colt hissed at him.

Nick spat out blood and got up. Colt raised his fists and was ready to hit him again. Well now, just because Colt had the right to hit him didn’t mean Nick had to take it lying down. He had his own pent up anger towards the Beta as well. 

Colt barely got his fist halfway to Nick’s face when Nick kicked him in the stomach. Colt staggered back and grunted. Properly trained as he was, Colt knew how to tighten his body and roll with the punches, or the kicks as it were, in order not to accumulate a lot of damage.

Colt looked up at Nick, his eyes blazing with fury and Nick felt his own anger rise to the surface as well. Colt screamed and lunged at Nick and they both toppled to the ground, punching wherever they could.

They must have fought for a good fifteen minutes, sometimes rolling on the ground, sometimes standing upright and kicking and punching, trying to hurt each other physically the way  they had injured each other mentally and emotionally for the last year. 

They finally knew they were done when they both lay on the ground, panting, their faces bleeding, and Nick felt all the anger drain out of him. He didn’t have the emotional desire to lift his fist and hit Colt if he tried. He gazed at Colt and saw him deflate as well and they both flopped onto their backs.

“Well now,” Miller said pleasantly. “That fight sure did me proud. Good to see you can hold up your own. Make sure you get patched up before going back to your rooms. Oh and Chambers, you’re under house arrest for a week for failing the obstacle course. Saunders, kitchen duty for two days for throwing the first punch.”

Nick vaguely heard Miller leaving, his ears still ringing from where Colt had smashed his head against the mat.

They lay in the center of the ring in silence, their bodies sprawled in a V.

“Did you mean what you said today? About Betas being replaceable?” Colt asked softly.

Nick winced, recalling what he yelled at Michael and how he must have come off to the other cadets, and worst, to Colt.

“No. I was just in a bad mood and that Alpha pushed my buttons.”

“Good,” Colt replied. “Because you seemed...different the last few months. And we sort of got along during that survival mission. I thought you’d changed or something.”

Nick contemplated Colt’s words. Had he changed? He certainly was less angry with Colt for being so good on every mission. It was like he accepted that no matter what he did, the Beta would keep going. 

And Nick didn’t want to stand in Colt’s way anymore.

Nick’s eyes widened at the realization. When the hell had he accepted the Beta? When had he lost that desire to beat him? When did he see him as something besides a rival? 

What do these feelings mean?

“Hey, why aren’t you answering me?” Colt’s voice came loudly from Nick’s left. Nick started and turned to look at him, realizing that at some point Colt had crawled over to lay down next him so they were lying face to face.

Nick took in Colt’s cut lip and black eye. There was a bruise on his right cheek as well. Nick was right handed and he didn’t remember using his left hand to hit Colt but he must have. Taking in the Beta’s battered face, Nick felt all his tension and anger and despair from the last year and a half disappear as he finally understood what it was that had been building inside him for months and could accept. 

He couldn't beat the Beta. Not only that, he didn’t want to. He wanted this Beta to win. To show everyone that a Beta could make something of himself, could stand on equal footing with Alphas, or go even higher. 

And Nick wanted to be there when he did.

“We should get cleaned up,” Nick said softly.

Colt raised an eyebrow and Nick wasn’t surprised. He’d never spoken to Colt that gently before and he almost smiled but held himself back at the last second. If he did smile, Colt might have a heart attack from the shock.

“We good?” Colt asked.

Nick gazed into his dark green eyes, eyes one would see in an Alpha and realized how much they suited him, and nodded, “I am if you are.”

 Colt grinned and Nick couldn’t help smiling back. Gingerly, they both got up and started walking towards the gym main doors.

 “You pack a pretty good punch,” Nick observed as he massaged his numbed jaw. 

“I told you, I’m used to Alphas who try to dominate me,” Colt replied casually.

Nick froze in his tracks and Colt walked a couple of steps forward before he realized that Nick had stopped. Nick tried to comprehend what Colt was telling him.

“You mean...other Alphas have-?” Nick felt nauseous, couldn’t get the word past his throat, his mind reeling with various images of Colt being gang raped by several faceless but stronger Alphas. The images made him powerful with rage but lost and hopeless, with no solid ground beneath him and nothing to hold onto.  He didn’t know if he was more shocked or angry, all he did was feel.

“I said tried,” Colt said, his gaze and tone completely serious. “It was during high school. Most Alphas backed off like you did when I didn’t do anything and they felt they weren’t making an impact on me. But some guys were too dense and I had to fight back.”

Nick swallowed, his throat felt so dry, “And you got away?” he rasped.

Colt stared at Nick for a few seconds, analyzing his tone and body language then grinned his customary cocky smile, “Every time.”

Nick exhaled in relief, realizing that his fists had been clenched and he shook them to loosen up the blood flow. He always knew he wasn’t the only Alpha to challenge the overly confident Beta, but for some reason he couldn’t handle the thought of others trying to tear Colt down. It seemed so...wrong. Now he understood why Colt hadn’t broken down under Nick’s abuse. He’d survived so much already, Nick was probably just a blip on his radar. And he was glad, so glad that no one had broken him, not even Nick.

“I’m sorry,” Nick said sincerely, his voice sounding deeper under the weight of all his emotions.

Colt cocked an eyebrow at him and Nick didn’t blame him. He didn’t know what was wrong with him either today. “You said that already.”

“Not just for...what I did to you,” Nick swallowed painfully and continued. “For all of it. For insulting you, belittling you, and trying to make you feel like you don’t belong here. You do. More than me.”

Colt turned so he was facing Nick squarely, his eyes boring into his. Nick fought the urge to squirm under Colt’s gaze. He was done trying to run and hide his feelings behind his anger.

“Apology accepted. On one condition.”

Nick gulped, wondering if Colt was going to ask him to humiliate himself in front of everyone or worse, leave the force. Because Nick swore whatever Colt decided was his punishment, he would accept it. It was about time he was punished.

“You work with me. As an equal.”

Nick blinked, running the last few seconds through his head. He must have heard wrong. Colt wanted to work with him? As a team? As in partners?

“Excuse me?”

“Look, I admit we haven’t had the best relationship. But you’re wrong when you said you don’t deserve to be here. You’re a good soldier Nick. Not as good as me of course but a close second. If we’re going to make it to the Wolves in a few months, we have a higher chance of succeeding if we work together. Besides, we made a pretty good team during the survival training. And that’s with us still sort of hating each other’s guts. Don’t you want to see what we can accomplish if we actually tried, together?”

Nick ruminated on Colt’s words, staring at the strong Beta in front of him, his gaze unwavering, mouth titled up in a smile and an attitude that challenged the world. Nick imagined working with Colt, helping him succeed, showing everyone that an Alpha and a Beta can share positions of power and actually be better for it.

 Suddenly, an image of Connor popped into his head. He was practicing with a punching bag, sweat covering his whole body as he tried to keep up with Nick’s routine. Just like his brother, Colt was trying to prove to the world that Betas are more than what society decided for them. And Nick was bursting to become a part of it. He wanted it, more than anything, he wanted this. He needed it. 

 Nick stuck his hand out, his voice shaking from his overwhelming emotions, “Deal.”

 Colt looked at Nick’s outstretched hand, smiled even more broadly and shook it, “Deal. Partner.”