I know instinctively that I did the right thing by inviting my grandparents to Verus, but I might have known that they’d end up being a disruptive force. Let’s face it, they always are.

I’ve been single for so long that I’m not sure now whether they are right or wrong. I know that I enjoy Andy’s company and that we seem to get along, but I can’t come to terms with the possibility that I’m actually becoming attracted to him.

Now, I’m sitting in my office and over-thinking everything. This is the culmination of more than a decade of study and work. I’ve dedicated myself to this moment and now, frankly, I feel a little lost. I know, deep down at any rate, that our work is just beginning, but I don’t seem to be able to concentrate on that right now.

For the first time in several years, I just don’t know what to do. I know what Grandpa and Granddad would tell me to do, but I don’t really think that our situations are analogous in any real sense. When they met, they were essentially equals. They were colleagues working on the same project and they fell in love. It’s fine, it’s harmless and it happens all the time.

I can’t help but feel that my situation here is very different. I’m the boss. If anything bad happens on our mission, I might have to make very difficult decisions – life or death decisions in the worst analysis – and I’m not sure I can do that if I’m involved with a member of the team.

Let’s face it, the mere fact that I’m even sitting here and thinking about it can only mean one thing. I’m fucked.

It must be early evening when Mary knocks at my open office door. When I look up to see what she wants, she takes instant note of what must be a forlorn expression and drops down into the sofa at the back of the office.

“You did well, Peter. There’s nothing to worry about,” she tells me simply.

“No, I know. It’s not the speech. I’m not keen on ever doing another one, but I’m over that. I’m thinking about something else.”

“Okay. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Maybe. Did you tell Steve about being on the landing yet?”

“Good change of subject, boss. Yes, I did. He was, shall we say, disappointed?”

“I see. He didn’t mind that you’d done it, just that you hadn’t told him beforehand?”

“Yes, something like that. We might both be from East Africa, but it’s not as if we’re from the twentieth century or earlier. We don’t have assumed roles based on gender or anything as archaic.”

“No, of course. Is everything okay between you?”

“Mostly. It’ll take him a little while to forgive me, but we’re stronger than something as minor as this.”

“Good. I don’t need a distracted team.”

“Okay, deflection over. Now, what’s going on in your head?”

“My Grandparents. They said something that has me second-guessing myself and it’s driving me mad.”

“And, if I may be so bold as to make a guess, is this about Andy?”

“For fucks sake!”

“Oh, I see.”

“Mary, be honest with me. Am I really that obvious and at the same time that oblivious?”

“I…”

“No, go on, I can take it.”

“Yes, Peter, I’m afraid you are. Well, obvious at least. You can add in oblivious if you want, particularly if you honestly haven’t noticed that he likes you too. You did introduce him to your bloody grandparents.”

“I knew it. I’m fucked!”

“Peter, relax. It really isn’t a big deal. I know you’re the boss, but I also know that you’ll always do what is right for the team and the mission.”  

“Well, I’m glad you’re sure about that, because I’m not so sure anymore.”

“Just because you’ve been content to be single for so long, that doesn’t mean that you can’t date, even if it’s a colleague and nominally a subordinate. You know our command structure isn’t that rigid anyway.”

“I don’t want the team to see me as a weak link. I accept that we’re fairly casual about command, but I do have to give orders and they do need to be followed.”

“Of course. But, let me ask you this. Do you think that, if you are dating Andy, any member of the team will refuse to act on a command that you give?”

It takes me a long time to formulate an answer, even though I know deep down what that answer is immediately. “No.”

“So, from where I sit, that’s answer enough. Follow your own path and follow your own heart.”

“You know, you sound just like my grandpa. Actually, I think he gets most of it from spending too much time talking to Nexi, but you know what I mean.”

“Having spoken to them a couple of times myself, I do indeed know what you mean. Now, you’ve made me late and I really need to be nice to Steve to get back on his good side. What were you supposed to be doing anyway?”

“Getting supper with Andy…”

“So, go on your date, then!”

I know that I’m running late, but I still need to dash home and get a shower and change. I’ve had a long and now stressful day and a part of me wants to curl up in bed and forget about it. Sensibly, however, that part of my brain is being overridden by the more pragmatic and ultimately sensible part.

Within just a few minutes, I’m walking briskly down towards the main square dressed in what qualify as dress shorts and a comfortable polo shirt. I’ve never even seen video of people playing polo, although I’m sure it has something to do with horses. It’s not something we have anymore, but the shirt style seems eternally popular. I’m late, but you could describe it as fashionably so.

“I’m so sorry I’m late, Andy,” I tell him as I sit in the seat opposite him. He’s picked one of the numerous small tables in front of the kiosk this time, leaving us a few feet from the counter.

“Don’t worry, we’re not in any rush, are we?”

“No, but I am later than I expected to be and you have been waiting a little while,” I wave a hand at his clearly half-empty glass.

“You’ve got me hooked on the taste of rum. I’ve not really done much work today, but it feels like it has been a long one. Please, join me?”

When I nod in agreement, Andy jumps up and heads to the counter, returning in a few moments with a pitcher that seems to be at least half ice and another glass. “We’re celebrating you surviving making a speech and the successful landing,” he tells me simply when I look slightly concerned at the amount of booze on display.

“We have work tomorrow!” I tell him with less force than I might. He simply smiles and pours me a long drink into a tall glass. “Besides, I can’t drink this on an empty stomach.”

“No need to, I’ve talked to Miguel already and the starters will be here in a moment.”

I look across towards the counter and can clearly see that Miguel is indeed hard at work on something. When he notices me looking in his direction, he gives a little shrug and a smile.

I sit in quiet contemplation for a minute or two, savouring the coldness and the sharpness of my drink and trying my best to avoid eye contact with Andy. It’s a struggle. Andy stands once more, at some unseen signal from Miguel and returns with a tray that is loaded with a selection of tapas-style starters.

“What did you have to bribe Miguel with to get him to prepare all this?”

“I told him I was doing it to help you relax. After that the whole thing is basically his idea.”

Miguel has excelled, as I know he can when he feels the need. The food is truly excellent and the spicing is exquisite. By the time the starters have been demolished and I’m half-way down my second glass, I can feel emotions easing down towards normality.

“Andy?”

“Yes, Peter.”

“When I said that this was a date, I didn’t mean that it was a ‘date’. It’s just a figure of speech.”

“Peter, I’m a linguist. Do you really think I don’t know that?” Andy pauses for a moment to take another drink. “In any case, you made the suggestion that we should eat together, so you’re paying, even though I’ve done the ordering.”

“You and Miguel will bankrupt me!”

“No, your grandparents are shockingly rich. They’ll bail you out if you get desperate.”

“They liked you. Thank you for keeping an eye on them.”

“Well, I enjoyed their company. It’s not often that you get to meet a pair of living legends. Jordan has a wicked sense of humour and Aidan is just so amenable.”

“Yes, they’re my favourite people. I’m glad we could get them down to Verus, but it was a tiring day for them. That gravity is a bit of a shock to the system. Well, even more so if you’ve come straight from Sevrin.”

“Peter, you didn’t tell me why you were late this evening.”

“No, sorry again for that. I was talking to Mary. She was telling me what an idiot I am because I was lost in my jumbled thoughts and running late. It does me good from time to time to be reminded how stupid I am and it is one of her unofficial jobs.”

“I can’t imagine what you were being an idiot about. Everything seems to be running smoothly enough. Don’t forget I’m an outsider and more likely to notice if stuff doesn’t seem in order.”

“Oh, no. Not an official idiot, more a personal one.”

“Oh, I don’t think I follow.”

“No, I’m sorry. Can I speak candidly?”

“Of course.”

“I really do feel so stupid. I’m very much a person who goes about their life at their own pace. I’m self-contained and self-controlled. I’m a good judge of people and their character, but I’m totally bloody useless at detecting emotions, either in myself or in others.”

“I see, I think.”

“I get so totally absorbed in my work for so much of the time. This job is so important to me that I sometimes get lost in it. Actually, my grandparents have a big part to play in that part of my character. I need this to succeed to vindicate their work and their lives.”

“That seems like a lot of pressure to take upon oneself, Peter?” 

“I guess so, but it is the way that I am.”

“Of course. We all have our own crosses to bear, or so the saying once went. I’ve heard that it can help to have someone to bear those personal burdens with.”

I can’t tell if Andy is leading me along. I sense that he is once again able to see through my shields and has a deeper understanding of my thoughts than I do myself.

“Peter, just say whatever is on your mind,” he tells me when the silence drags on for more than a minute.

“I… I wouldn’t mind if this was a ‘date’ date.” I stop, a confused feeling and tension filling my stomach and almost making me retch. “Sorry. I’m a mess. I clearly don’t even know my own mind at this point. I’d better go home.”

As I place my hand on the table to push myself up, knees already making the chair scrape back along the rough ground a hand snakes out and presses firmly down on top of mine, holding me in my seat.

“Peter?”

“I’m sorry. I’m embarrassing myself and you. Pretend I didn’t say that.”

“No!”

“What?”

“Mary may be right. Perhaps you are an idiot. I’d assumed that you were so busy with the job that you were just not seeing me, but now I think that you really are simply unable to see when someone is attracted to you. The fact that you can’t apparently determine your own feelings is frankly mind-numbing. Very cute, though.”

“I might often arrive late to the party, but that doesn’t mean that I fail to show,” I tell him with a wry smile. I notice that his hand is still on top of mine, but now his thumb is rubbing gently across the back of it.

“At this point, I don’t wish to appear like some sort of linguistic demagogue spouting cliched aphorisms one after another, but I fear that is now inevitable.”

“What? I don’t think I know half of those words.”

“I was going to say ‘better late than never’ but realized it would be a little over the top, considering some of the other sayings I’ve already used this evening.”

“Now I know why Grandpa likes you. He’s finally found someone to talk to who is as smart as he is.”

I can feel the tension easing between us, but I have no desire to have Andy take his hand back and move it gently to swop places, mine now on top of his. “I’ve no idea what’s actually going on here, but I don’t want it to stop.”

“Well, just to put your mind at rest, apparently we are on a date.”

“I see. That does seem to simplify things a little. I’m not much of an expert at dating, so you will have to guide me through it if I appear a bit lost.”

“I can’t believe you’re in charge of a whole planetary exploration mission. I worry for our safety.”

“Hey, that’s not fair. I’ve been trained for that.”

We sit quietly for some time and Andy refills our glasses. Luckily the rum is a minor ingredient in the punchy cocktail of fruit juices that Miguel prepared for us and it’s not having too much of an effect on me yet. Maybe it is helping me to relax, though.

“Can I have my hand back for a moment,” Andy asks me after a quite few seconds of silence.

“I’ll need a good reason,” I tell him with a smile while I ease the pressure on his hand.

“I’m going to get the rest of the food.”

“Oh.” Miguel has been standing at his counter waiting for us for some time, but he gives me a smile and a wink when I look at him with my best attempt at what I feel might qualify as an apologetic expression.

When we’ve made a big hole in the food, Andy seems ready to talk some more. “Did your grandpa really say that he liked me?”

“Not exactly. It was something more along the lines that he could see why I liked you. I think that’s what was really freaking me out. Mary just made it even worse by pointing out the same thing. Oh and also pointing out that most of the crew had figured out my interest as well.”

“Well, you have sought out my company a little more than a newcomer might have expected. I’m not complaining, but I hope you haven’t neglected your duties just to find an excuse to keep me company.”

“I think you already know I won’t neglect any part of my job. I don’t think I could, even if I wanted to. I’m just not made that way. I don’t actually know what we are going to do, but it won’t interfere with work.”

“Perhaps we just have to take things as they come. You know, live in the ‘now’.”

“Yes, that sounds like a reasonable solution. I’m a firm believer in switching work off when I finish for the day. All we have to do is separate what happens on each side of the gateway.”

“I can do that, I think, Peter.”

“Yes, I think I can too.”