I never really meant to hurt Alexander. 

I just wanted to see him in pain. 

He was being rude and he needed to learn,

and what faster way to learn than through misfortune?

There is no faster way.

No matter how much you want there to be. 

“It’s the only way you’ll learn what’s right, Octavia.

It’s called tough love.”

It was tough loving me, wasn’t it?

Why even try when anything David did would immediately outshine me?

Why waste my time when I could spend it my way.

Having fun. 

Why follow the rules when that gets me nothing?

Why do anything without a personal gain?

Why expect me to be better than you know I am?

I like people.

I kiss boys.

I kiss girls.

You get angry.

I don’t like people.

I hit boys.

I hit girls.

You get angry.

I disassociate from people.

I don’t talk to boys.

I don’t talk to girls.

I don’t respond to your commands.

You get angry.

I try in school.

You don’t notice.

I correct a teacher on their incorrect opinion.

You notice.

I spend hours learning guitar.

You don’t notice.

I refuse to play the clarinet.

You notice.

What was I ever supposed to do?