Seven: By the Skin of My Teeth

“So, Darren, where exactly are you staying?” The prince asked, calmly swirling wine in his glass. There was still a ghost of a smile on his face, eerie in the way it seemed simultaneously sincere and insincere.

This was a trick question, I knew it in my bones just from that fucking not-smile. Logically, if I was really Darren Faraman, I would choose to stay at the Faraman property in the capital. Not only was it a luxurious mansion, but it was also fully staffed with servants to keep it clean and orderly for whenever the Faramans did return.

But “Darren” hadn’t gone to the mansion. The prince had probably sent people to the Faraman estate to see if he was there this morning – or probably even as soon as last night.

“I stayed at an inn last night,” I said, taking a sip of my wine only after seeing him do so too. I was still suspicious of poison – although, I suppose he could have slipped something into my glass when he was pouring it, right? Was the crown prince a master of misdirection?

Well, too late now. Bottoms up.

“I was worried the servants at the estate would send word to my father that I was there if I went. I don’t need him sending people to drag me back before I can do what I need to do,” I continued, wiping my mouth as daintily as I could with my napkin.

“I see,” Valentin said. “You’re a brave man, Darren. Honestly, it’s quite heartening to see how far you’re willing to go for my sister. It fills me with confidence that you’ll be able to make her happy.”

At this, Ewan’s head shot up from where he’d been solidly staring at his lap in an effort to go unnoticed. I couldn’t blame him, I was pretty surprised too, because that sounded almost like Valentin was seriously considering allowing Darren to propose to his sister. He sounded sincere too, and when I checked, that unnerving ghost smile was gone, replaced by a serious, but subtly warm expression. Like a real future brother-in-law.

Wait, really? Had I really convinced him?

No way?

“You know, when I first heard that you disrupted my sister’s date, I thought you were someone else. Maybe you’ve heard of him? They call him the match breaker. Carmen Redlas is his name. At least, that’s the name he goes by.”

I’m so fucked.

“Haven’t heard of him,” I said as casually as I could, but my throat tightened a little, so it came out a bit sharper than intended. Valentin’s lips lifted for just a second, like he noticed.

“Carmen Redlas, the supposed ‘match breaker’, has been a thorn in my foot for quite some time. I’ve had a bounty out for him for three years. Hard to believe you haven’t heard of him; he’s famous for going around impersonating people, nobles and commoners alike to help break engagements. He’ll do anything to achieve his goal, including spreading heinous rumors. He’s a menace that takes joy in breaking the laws of Pansolum, and I thought, for just a moment, that I might finally have the opportunity to catch him.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

Part of me wanted to abort the mission entirely, to run straight out that window and disappear. The smarter part of me knew that he’d catch me before I took two steps. He was playing with me, an asshole cat with an equally assholish, but much smaller and weaker mouse. But there was still a chance I could save this.

I couldn’t know for sure if he was just following a hunch, or if he’d already confirmed that I wasn’t who I said I was. If it was the former, there was a chance I could still throw him off the scent and make it out of here unscathed.

But I had to play his game better than him to do it.

“No disappointment,” Valentin disagreed. “Truly, as much as I want to catch him, I’d rather he not be within miles of my sister. I’m grateful that if anyone was going to ruin my sister’s engagement, it was someone who loved her, not some cheap scammer who was paid by gods know who to mess with my sister’s prospects.”

Yeah, well, fuck you too, buddy. Your beloved little sister is paying this ‘cheap scammer’ 75,000 gold. So hah.

“Yes,” I said. “Although, I’d like to ask, whose idea was it to betroth the princess and the Count? Not to mention that they are ill-suited in almost every way, clearly no one at the palace thought to research the Count’s background before condemning the princess to such a life with him. I know that the king and queen care deeply for their daughter, and certainly wouldn’t intentionally make such a mistake. Perhaps they were too busy.”

Valentin’s hand tightened around his glass, clearly understanding the undercurrents in my words.

“Our parents are incredibly busy, yes, and the Count is quite good at hiding his tail. He’s been in good standing with the court for nearly a decade, so we had no reason to believe anything was amiss.”

“Government affairs are different from private affairs. Knowing someone in their official capacity is different from knowing who they really are. This is a simple truth.”

The implication of this was that everyone knew this and thus, if no one bothered to check what the young princess’s betrothed was like behind closed doors, then clearly the king and queen didn’t care what happened to their daughter at all.

A muscle in Valentin’s jaw jumped, but rather than continuing to argue, Valentin only nodded. He cast a glance at his sister, who like Ewan, appeared to be pretending she was anywhere else. “You have a point. It was our oversight, and it certainly won’t happen again. Beatrice’s future engagement will be thoroughly verified.”

Translation: I’m going to interrogate the fuck out of you in the name of making sure you’re a ‘good fit’ for my sister.

“Good.” Not good. “So, Prince, how am I doing so far?”

Valentin tilted his head, scanning me. “Yet to be determined. Tell me something, Darren – ”

‘Tell me,’ ‘tell me’ – gods, shut the hell up and tell me if you’re executing me or not!

“You’ve been stationed at the border your whole life, have you not? You’ve certainly seen Pansolum’s struggles with enemy and ally countries alike, so I’m curious about your stance. When your father last wrote to me, he mentioned that you were in a bit of a rebellious phase, sympathizing with both the southern country of Juno and the pirates of the Isle of Dorr. Given that both parties are vehemently calling for Pansolum’s destruction, I was wondering what could possibly make you sympathetic to their plight.”

“…”

Darren, you fucking asshole. How the hell am I supposed to cover for your bullshit??

Halfway across the country, the real Darren Faraman looked up from his book and frowned, ears ringing. After a moment, he shrugged and went back to reading, resolving to clean his ears out later.

“A…ah, he told you about that? How embarrassing. Call it the whims of youth, I suppose. I had read all my father’s reports about how the battles with Juno and the pirates were going, and the loss of life on both sides saddened me. I understand the cost of peace is war, but I couldn’t help but wish for a different path.”

Valentin studied me and then, to my surprise, slowly nodded. “I too have often wished for a different path. I can’t fault you for that way of thinking. You’re an empathetic person; your father is as well. He and I have often corresponded about ways to minimize casualties on both sides, specifically with Juno. Our conflict with them was technically started by us, and I know they grow weary of the fight. With any luck, we’ll be starting peace talks with them within the year.”

Someone in the heavens must be looking out for me today. I’d somehow managed to land on a right answer. Who knew the prince was so humanitarian?

“Good, very good,” I said. “And the pirates? Any sign of peace with them?”

A dark look came over Valentin’s face, a scowl marring his handsomeness.

“Those pirates can all rot in hell as far as I’m concerned. Especially that Felix Pierce. If I ever get my hands on him, I’m going to tear him limb from limb as his family watches.”

Okay, then. Don’t mention pirates, got it.

Felix Pierce was a famous general of the pirates of Dorr who had personally organized several raids on many countries, including Pansolum. There was one raid in particular that I remembered where Valentin had taken his army and gone to intercept them, only to end up with half his army decimated, and starkly few casualties on the pirates’ side. That’s likely where Valentin’s anger stemmed from, and given how scary his face looked right now, it would be in my best interest to drop it. …Or use it to my advantage.

Valentin took an angry swig of his wine, wiping a hand across his mouth despite the napkin laying right in front of him. Quite mannerless for a prince, though I suppose he did spend quite a lot of time in the army, and there was nothing quite like roughing it with a hundred thousand other men to take the etiquette right out of you.

“I couldn’t agree more,” I said. “After seeing his raids on the coast, I admit I’ve dreamed about his head on a pike. If it wasn’t for his underhanded schemes, there’s no way they would have lasted this long.”

In that battle between Valentin and Felix, the only reason Valentin lost so many men was because Felix sent his own men into their ranks undercover, and when the fighting began, they used all sorts of despicable means to kill as many of Valentin’s soldiers as they could. Bombs, traps, good old-fashioned swordplay – although only a few of Felix’s men got in, the destruction they caused was more than enough to put Valentin’s army in a panic, and the moment of distraction cost them the battle.

Valentin was known as a very cunning adversary, so the fact that he hadn’t anticipated Felix’s actions was likely a sore spot for him. He hadn’t predicted what Felix was going to do, and because of that, many good soldiers lost their lives.

Valentin’s dark expression slowly lightened a bit. His gaze became unreadable once more.

For a long moment, no one spoke. The faint clink of wine glasses being picked up and set down again as everyone but Valentin took anxious sips was the only sound. My palms began to sweat.

…Was that the wrong answer?

Also, was this mongoose princess ever going to say anything? Was this date with me and her or me and the prince? I cast a discreet glance at her to see if she was going to say anything to save me, but she kept silent. Either she was too scared of her own brother to interject, or she already knew I was a lost cause somehow.

Feeling a little abandoned right now.

Valentin sat back in his seat, watching me. I decided I didn’t like his eyes. The green glinted in the lights, like the reflective eyes of a beast.

“Do you truly love my sister?”

This was the moment of truth. There could be no hesitation.

“Yes, I do,” I said firmly, holding his eyes.

Valentin nodded. “Given that Ewan is no longer a candidate for Beatrice’s marriage, I think you would be a fine replacement.”

Ewan began to splutter.

“But – but prince, I – ”

“I received word a few hours ago that your claims about the Count check out. My men caught his servants sneaking his women and children away to Albbari. For the crime of intentionally deceiving the royal family, he’s been sentenced to three months in the palace jail, a fine of 100,000 gold, and indefinite house arrest upon his release. He will also no longer have an official position in court. And while I admire your devotion to my sister, for the crime of interrupting a royal engagement, I will also have to punish you. I’ve yet to decide what that punishment is, but rest assured, it will not affect your courting of my sister.”

Ewan’s mouth fell open. He began to wail. “No, please, you haven’t listened to my side yet – ”

“Take him away.” Valentin barely raised his voice, and the door slammed open. Two guards in palace uniforms that I hadn’t noticed when I entered came in to drag the sobbing Count away. Despite his theatrics, the Count didn’t forget to give me a stinky glare as he was leaving.

I winked at him.

The door closed behind them once more, Ewan’s sobs fading slowly. I took the opportunity to try to catch the princess’s eye and smile. She returned it weakly, and her shoulders straightened a bit now that Ewan was gone. So maybe I wasn’t a lost cause.

Although, I couldn’t help but notice that Valentin hadn’t spoken directly to her even once. Was the royal family extremely misogynistic, or had they come to some sort of agreement that she would stay out of it beforehand?

Or maybe she just feared him turning his wrath on her, which wasn’t very familial of them, but it wasn’t my family so who was I to judge?

“Now,” Valentin said, interrupting our moment. “I expect to see you at the palace bright and early tomorrow.”

I blinked. Wait, what?

Seeing my confusion, Valentin smirked. “To court my sister, of course. I haven’t decided if I can trust you or not, so all courting will have to take place on palace grounds. I’ll write to your father and let him know I’m keeping you for a while.”

I smiled. “Of course, of course. Princess, rest assured, I’ll spend the whole night brainstorming fun things we can do together at the palace. Be prepared for me to sweep you off your feet.”

The princess rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t hide a little smirk. It wasn’t the joyous reaction I was hoping for, but it did make my chest loosen a bit to see her relaxing. If she was relaxed, it meant the danger had passed.

Probably. Even so, best to flee as soon as possible.

I stood after finishing off the wine. It was free and delicious, no point wasting it. “Well, then, I’ll be on my way so I can pack and get ready. I’ll see you both in the morning.”

Beatrice nodded, but Valentin was silent, still watching me unnervingly. I nodded to them both and left as calmly as I could under the circumstances, still feeling that stare on my back.

Get me the hell out of here.