"Kukuku, welcome, welcome, we have a guest,

It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. You've reached Pie Plaza.

Now, let's skip the formalities, shall we? I

Get the impression you have heard of us before. I

Don't have any reason to believe you don't have an

Ounce of knowledge about

My kingdom, do you? So, greetings, I'm

Chancellor Pecan Pie, but that's a

Horrible title, so call me Pecan Pie Frog. Now, I know I

Easily look like the weakest leader in Satiation Kingdom

Cause I'm the youngest demon to assume the throne, but my

Kingdom, Pie Plaza happens to be in the top ten. I'm placed higher than

Pumpkin City, I don't know how that

Old coot Spook Lord Fawn

Is still running her kingdom! She

Needs to retire and leave everything

To the youth! Look at me, I'm super

Young, under three hundred club, baby!

Oh, and, yes, we're a nonviolent kingdom.

Uh, I'm sure you're

Very much aware that we're the sports capital of the world. Pretty much

Everything here is decided on a ball field. I find violent kingdoms

Repulsive, you see, so

Everything here is decided on

A ball field, our borders are open so anyone

Can join my team! But usually, it's just my envoys and occasionally the neighboring Kingdoms.

Here, piesball is our most popular sport, and sometimes,

Everyone wants to play tartser, or footpie. We harden pies into stone. So,

Don't worry, they're easy to throw and kick.

Please understand that this

Is our culture. The culture I'm

Especially thrilled to keep building. But, I

Probably won't be able to enjoy a game today. I

Likely have to go over to

Ah, I forgot the name of it, it's

Zany and weird. But, I don't know,

At the end of the day, all I ever

Think about is sports, I

Hardly ever think about my other responsibilities. People

End up wondering how I'm able to run

Such a kingdom if I have

Passive interest in everything else.

Oh, for the love of, we're a

Rather lax kingdom, unlike

That annoying Pitaya Land and Cheese World, and especially

Strawberry Kingdom! These three

Can suck an egg, they take everything

All too seriously. And, so does

Pumpkin City. Look, I'm not saying

I don't care about my kingdom outside of

The sports culture. That's not it

At all, but it's a way of

Life here! Always will be a way

Of life. Of course that's probably how I'll

Fumble and fall from the top ten eventually, but you

Should know I'm extremely good

At what I do. And,

That's why I'm

In the top ten in the first place. Unlike Sweet

And Sour Kingdom who has lost almost

Their entire army at this point.

I'm hearing they might attack us next.

Of course, if they choose violence, have

No fear, they'll be smacked in the head with a big metal bat.

Knocked out, mind you, not dead,

I'm not a barbarian, understand?

Now, as I have explained, our Kingdom Warfare

Goes like this, we challenge you to a sports match. It's

Decided by a popular vote

Our people and guests decide in a

Mini quiz bowl, yes,

It's a sport, too. When I was a little demon,

My favorite thing was quiz bowl. Now, whoever

Places first in quiz bowl gets to

Eliminate some towers, our towers are

Called Tart A Rouse. They're big dome shaped pies.

And they can be knocked down easily. We

Never allow direct assault upon our

Pies. Pumpkin City should take notes on making sure direct attacks can't happen!

In our kingdom, our towers are locked up and can't

Ever be assaulted directly unless there's a

Field being used for Kingdom Warfare, and we're

Rather ornery about it! If you find a way to

Open those doors and

Go destroy them, let's just say you will

Not be alive to ever tell that tale. Ah, what?

I'm the leader of this

County, you know. Yes, I know I

Established we're a nonviolent kingdom. We are. But

That doesn't mean we let

Ourselves just get attacked unprompted. We found a way to

Mitigate it, by instilling fear into

Everyone regarding what happens if they

Ever dare to try and destroy our

Towers without going through proper procedure first. And,

You know, everyone should be like me! I'm

Obviously doing something right here!

Uhuhu, in any case, I don't know what I have to do today, I forget. I just have piesball on the mind every second of every day. Can you blame me?"