Lanie shifts in my arms and I open my eyes. They groan and I notice their eyes are squeezed shut. I peck a kiss to their lips and they open one eye. “What time is it?” They mumble, “How did you get here?”

I chuckle. “I brought you home from the bar last night.”

“My head hurts so bad…” Lanie whimpers. They press their head against my chest as if the pressure will help their hangover disappear. 

“Yeah, you’re probably super hungover. You were really drunk when I picked you up last night,” I say softly, rubbing their back. “Do you need any water or anything?”

“Mhm,” Lanie mumbles, “Maybe an ibuprofen as well.”

I slip out of bed and search their medicine cabinet for any ibuprofen, and return once I find some and fill a glass with water. “Here you go,” I say with a smile.

Lanie sits up and squeezes their eyes shut again, groaning in pain before opening them and taking the items from me. “Thanks,” They mumble, taking the pill and then chugging the water afterwards.

“So what happened last night?” I ask, concern in my voice, “Jackke said you had a panic attack after Bliss tried to attack you? You were a wreck when I picked you up.”

Lanie sighs, looking down at the blankets covering their legs. “I thought going out with Keely would make me feel better. I was wrong. I don’t really remember much other than that.”

“Feel better? What happened?” I ask, frowning. “Did it go badly with your family?”

Lanie’s eyes well up with tears. “Um… Yeah. Not like, they hate me now, but they aren’t taking me seriously.” Their shoulders sag. “It made me feel crazy. Like maybe I’m faking it all. Now I really don’t know what to do.”

I wrap an arm around them and pull them close. “I’m sorry…” I say, not really knowing what to say to fix this, “It’s not their life though, you can’t let them dictate how you feel.”

Lanie shrugs. “It all just feels pointless.”

My heart breaks a little for them as they say that. I kiss the side of their head and gently touch my head to theirs. “I don’t think it is,” I say quietly. My alarm goes off on my phone and I swear under my breath as I go to turn it off. 

“What’s that for?” Lanie asks.

“I gotta start preparing for my match tonight,” I say with a sigh, completely forgetting I had one today in the chaos of last night. “It’s already 2 pm, you’ve slept a lot. Did you wanna come watch? My ma will be there too.” I grin. “Maybe you can meet her.”

Lanie frowns. “I don’t feel well enough to go,” They say uneasily, “I’m sorry.”

My heart sinks at the rejection. They’ve been to a few of my matches but not very many, and I really like showing off for them. “It’s okay,” I say out loud with a grin. I tilt their chin up and kiss them softly. “I’ll check in on you after the fight tonight. Is that okay?”

“Yeah…” Lanie says, a deep sadness in their voice. They kiss me back and then lay back down, rolling over. “I feel sick. I’ll be in bed. There’s a spare key in the top drawer in the kitchen if you want to take it, that way you can just come on in.”

“Okay,” I say with a smile. “Remember to text Jackke. He, um, xe put their number in your phone last night.”

Lanie grabs their phone off the nightstand, still laying down. “Thanks for the reminder,” they say in a sad voice.

“Text me if you need anything.” I lean down to kiss Lanie one more time before leaving.

I sit in the locker room nursing a broken nose with an ice pack, my heart in my stomach as I play through the fight in my head like it’s a movie. I don’t know what happened out there, but I’m glad Lanie wasn’t here to see this fight after all. I’ve lost a fight before so I’m not too surprised by the broken nose, I’ve gotten badly beaten up during winning fights as well, but something feels different mentally. I’m so frustrated by tonight’s loss and I'm feeling like a failure. This should have been an easy fight for me. All in all, my ego feels more bruised than my face. I don’t feel like facing anyone after that, especially my ma or my manager, who are the two people most invested in me as a boxer. I just wish I was a turtle so I could hide in my shell.

“Let me see my son!” Ma’s voice demands from outside the locker room. I hear someone trying to talk her down but I know she isn’t gonna take no for an answer. 

I slowly get to my feet, feeling as if I’m made out of lead, and walk to the door. I open it and give Ma a forced smile. “I’m okay,” I say through the ringing in my ears.

“Are you okay, lad?” She says frantically. “That was a hard fight to watch, sure, never seen you lose that bad.”

Oof. That feels like a kick in the gut. “I know,” I mumble, “I think so.” Ma opens her mouth to speak again. “I’m fine, Ma, we both know this kind of stuff happens. It’s not that bad. Losses happen.” It feels more like I’m trying to convince myself than her.

Ma sighs and frowns up at me, her hands on her hips. “You’ve got sadness on you,” She says softly. “You know it’s okay to lose sometimes, right lad? You’ll get your fight back next time!”

“Ma, I’m okay,” I say again with a sigh, “Go home, I’ll call you later.” I manage a grin and give her a hug. 

She hugs me back and softly taps my cheek with her hand as we part. I wince, my face already hurting, and she apologizes. “You did your best, Michael, that’s all I could ask for from you. I’ve got so much pride for you in me.” She smiles up at me.

“Thanks, Ma,” I say quietly. “Now go on home. Love you.”

“Love you too, lad,” She responds before hurrying away. 

I go back into the locker room to my shirt back on. My manager is talking at me and I’m not paying attention. “I’m gonna head out,” I say wearily, “Gotta go home and check in on my partner.”

“What happened out there tonight?” My manager, Al, asks me, sounding frustrated. “You beat this guy before with no problem.”

“I dunno, Al,” I respond with a shrug. I’m trying to play it off like it’s not bothering me but it very much is. “Shit happens sometimes.” 

“You tryin’ to convince me or yourself?” Al asks, crossing his arms. 

Myself, I think, but I don’t say that out loud. I just sigh and shrug again. “I’m going home,” I say, “I’ll practice more from now on so this doesn’t happen again,” I promise him.

I throw my coat over my shirt and change my boxing trunks for jeans. My feet drag as I walk through the hallway. It seems to go on forever today and a pit in my stomach grows bigger the longer it takes. I shouldn’t be ashamed to have lost tonight since this kind of thing happens, but Al is right. This should’ve been an easy win for me. I hope I don’t run into any stragglers on my way out.