“When are you gonna start calling me ‘mom’?” Grace asks me as I shift her gently so I can put the bedpan under her. The bedpan has been my least favorite part of the past three days. Nick left for work an hour ago and I’ve been running around nonstop since then, doing various things for Grace.

I frown. “I don’t know. You can’t just fix years of hurt in three days, you know,” I say quietly. “I’m just not comfortable with it yet.”

I wait for her to finish her business before taking the bedpan out from underneath her. When she’s done I disappear from the room to empty it of its contents, gritting my teeth as I do so. I remind myself this is for the greater good, that this will heal my relationship with my mother.

Grace is frowning as I come back into the room. “I understand…” She says sadly. 

Nick is home during the day due to working night shifts, so when he’s awake he takes care of Grace so I have the chance to sleep, eat, and rest. I get about 8 hours to myself if I’m lucky because even when I’m supposed to have my time to myself someone usually needs something from me. 

It’s really wearing me down but I feel like I have to help out as much as I can or I’ll lose the new relationship I’m building with Grace. I’ve wanted her to treat me with basic respect and decency since I came out and now I’m finally getting that. 

I have a few missed calls from Keely and some texts asking where I’ve been. I guess she came by the apartment the other night for me and ended up going out with Lanie instead, which didn’t go well. I just haven’t had the time to message or call her back and frankly, I’ve been way too exhausted from all of this to handle her energy.

My grandmother has also messaged me asking if I wanted to go for dinner this week. That I do need to answer. I light a cigarette as I take a seat at the desk in my childhood bedroom and hit “CALL” on her name next to her texts. 

“Lola,” Grandma says in her pleasant voice as she picks up the call, “How are you, dear?”

“Hi, Grandma,” I say wearily, “I’m so tired. Listen, I don’t think I can do dinner this week.”

“Are you okay?” Grandma asks, worried.

“I’m taking care of Grace right now…” I say with a yawn, “She got hit by a car and needs around the clock care.”

There’s silence on the other end for a moment before Grandma speaks. “Hon, are you sure she’s really hurt?” She asks hesitantly, “She’s tried to pull stuff like this before.”

I take a drag of my cigarette. “Yeah, that’s what I thought… But she’s calling me Lola and her daughter and everything. She’s changed.”

“Hmm,” Grandma hums, “Just be careful, dear. I don’t want you getting hurt. Protect your heart.”

“She’s changed, Grandma,” I say, raising my voice. I’m finding myself getting defensive over the situation. I really want to believe Grace has had a change of heart and Grandma is making me doubt myself, which is not what I want or need right now. “I really believe that.” 

“Okay sweetheart,” Grandma says this like she’s talking down someone from a ledge, “I’m just worried about you.”

“I’m fine,” I say with a huff. “Listen, I gotta smoke this cigarette and get some rest before it’s my turn to take care of her again.”

Grandma gasps. “You’re smoking again? Lola, you can’t keep doing that.”

“It’s the only thing keeping me sane in all this chaos. I’ll quit when I go back home.” I sigh. “Love you, Grandma.”

“Love you too, Lola,” Grandma says. 

I hang up the phone and stand from the desk to lean out the window to finish my cigarette. I can hear footsteps in the hall, and I can only imagine it’s Nick rushing around to wait on Grace hand and foot like I have been. I tend to stay upstairs in my room when he’s home unless I’m called for since I can’t stand to be around the fucking guy. Grace says she talked to him about antagonizing me but he hasn’t stopped in the three days I’ve been here. I’m just glad Grace seems to be on my side.

“Well if you’re not going to call me Lola, I won’t fucking call you ‘Mom’,” I shout at my mother. 

Grace looks offended. “But I’m your mother. You have to call me that,” She snaps.

“I’m an adult now, I don’t have to do shit you tell me to do,” I cross my arms over my chest. “Got that, Grace?”

“Fuck you,” Grace spits at me, “You’ve always been an ungrateful little shit.”

“What did you ever do for me to be grateful for?!” I’m close to screaming at her. “Grandma and Grandpa paid for everything! You just exist to make my life harder!”

Grace slams her mug down on the table so hard it breaks. “Well if you love Grandma and Grandpa that much, go live with them!”

“I will,” I say coldly, “Have a nice fucking life, Grace.”

“I heard you talking to your grandmother on the phone earlier,” Grace says casually as I give her a sponge bath. 

I stop what I’m doing and give her a look. “How?” I ask, suspicion in my voice, “I was upstairs the whole time.”

“Sound travels easily in this house,” Grace says with a weak laugh, “You should remember that.”

I continue with my duties. “I guess I just forgot,” I mumble, wracking my brain for any memories of this. 

“What did you talk about?” Grace asks, curious.

I shrug. “She doesn’t believe you’re really sick,” I grumble, “I told her you were telling the truth and that you’ve changed, but she doesn’t believe it.”

Grace huffs a haughty sigh. “Well your grandmother and I never saw eye to eye.”

“Mhm…” I mutter. I’m only partially here mentally right now, my brain stuck deep in thought. I’ve been playing a mental tug of war with myself while giving her this bath over whether I should start calling her ‘Mom’ again or not.

Grace seems to notice this. “What’s wrong?” She asks.

I sigh and put the washcloth down. If she is going to call me by my name and pronouns now, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t refer to her as my mother anymore. I run my hand down my face. “I think it’d be okay if I called you ‘Mom’ again,” I finally say, my voice quiet and uncertain.

My mother smiles brightly at me, tears in her eyes. “That makes me so happy,” She says fondly. 

I smile back at her, feeling like a hole in my heart has finally started mending. “Me too,” I say, choking up a bit.