I lay in bed for far too long, listening to the birds chirping and imagining my life with no obligations whatsoever. The sun is already high in the sky, indicating that it is closer to noon. Had I really slept in for that long? 

My thoughts immediately wander to Adrian. I need to get up and see how he has been keeping himself entertained all morning. As I wrap myself in a bathrobe, I hear the sound of footsteps followed by, “Mom? Are you up now?” 

Momzilla has finally surfaced. I walk out into the living room to be greeted with a big sweet hug from my boy. We embrace for an entire minute until his little body grows restless and fidgety, the brain fog slowly dissipating from my mind. That’s when I realize there are about a dozen fruit snack wrappers scattered throughout the living room.

“Adrian, how did you get all of these?!”

He pauses for a brief moment, then turns to point proudly at the chair sat beneath the upper cabinets where the snacks are kept. 

He grins with delight. “I got them all by myself!”

I sigh. This is my fault. “No wonder you were so quiet. It all makes sense now.”

I glance at the pile of dishes in the sink. “Mommy needs to clean up the kitchen. Could you pick up all of these wrappers, please.”

Adrian nods, but then proceeds to kneel down, navigating his monster truck across the coffee table. His hyper-focused expression tells me that he isn’t planning on cleaning up any time soon.

I’m not about to press the matter, pre-coffee. I shuffle to the kettle and begin to fill and heat some water. Thoughts of Anthony flood my mind like an unwelcome, bothersome neighbor. I tut out loud, growing increasingly annoyed with myself. Why am I thinking about him so much all of a sudden? I was doing so well; I finally felt ready to put myself out there, maybe well enough to actually start dating. 

Dating? Now that’s a funny thought.

“Ugh!” Exasperated and disgusted with myself, I reach for the coffee beans to grind them, the nutty smell bringing me back to my senses. I shake him off once again, like I have a million times before. Get out of my head, Asshole.

“Mom, can I have a playdate with Aidan?” Adrian’s excitement at the prospect is too cute to disappoint.

I reach for his soft dark hair, pushing it gently out of his eyes. 

“I’ll call his mom and see if they’re free today.” 

I grimace ever so slightly as I recall the last play date they had here at the apartment. Until that day, I had never realized how difficult it was to gain the separate attentions of two rowdy boys with almost identical names. Nonetheless, I fill the french press to the brim with piping hot water, and pick up my cellphone to send her a text. 

When I glance down at the screen my eyes bulge when I notice a missed call from Anthony. A rush of adrenaline radiates down my spine—a rush followed abruptly by an unsettling feeling of anxiety. 

Hmm…I wonder what he could want? He knows I have Adrian today.

I unlock my phone without thinking about it for too long and send him a quick text.

What’s up?

I don’t expect him to respond right away. After all, he rarely gets back to me in a timely fashion, unless he needs something very practical from me. 

I shift my focus back to the coffee. Unwilling to wait another minute, I press the grinds down and pour the steaming coffee into the biggest mug I can find. I dart to the fridge and grab the half and half, because I dare not drink it black. 

The first sip of coffee is absolutely delightful. However, as I inhale the aroma and smile contentedly like a true coffee snob, my phone pings with a text message. I twitch nervously when I realize it’s Anthony texting me back, and surprisingly soon. 

This is most uncharacteristic of him.

I take another sip of the smooth, hot coffee whilst reading the text. Before swallowing, my mind finally makes the effort to process his rather mysterious and rather tantalizing request.

I’ve been thinking about you a lot, and we really need to talk.

“PFFFFTTTT!!” In a knee-jerk reaction, coffee sprays out dramatically between my pursed lips. “What? Is he for real?”

Adrian stands abruptly, his eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. A look of concern grows in his big round eyes. I reassure him by smiling sarcastically, and he ducks down to resume his haphazard monster truck expedition.

My heart begins to thump wildly in my chest. I take a deep breath to recenter. 

Don’t let him play games with you, Laura.

In the three years since our split, he has never made an effort to come see me, unless it’s to pick up his son. I find the nearest chair and sit down slowly, my mind racing with fear, excitement, anger, and just about every other emotion one can fathom. I feel weak, ridiculously weak, but I know I need to stay strong and hold my ground. I had finally gotten to a point of acceptance. There was no way I could let him mess this up for me now.

My phone rings. 

It’s him…

He is making this an urgent matter, apparently.

I take a deep breath and contemplate letting it ring and go to voicemail, but I can’t do it.

“Yes?” I answer as calmly as I can, waiting anxiously for a response that doesn’t come. “…Anthony?” 

I’m becoming very aware of his heavy breathing on the other end, until finally, he speaks.

“I need to come over there. Is Adrian with you?”

I hesitate for what feels like minutes, wondering if I should make up an excuse for not being able to see him. Perhaps Adrian and I have plans to meet up with friends at the park?

“Laura? Can you hear me?” He sounds slightly annoyed.

I sigh, and take another sip of coffee, while finally acknowledging the sprayed coffee splattered artistically all over the white cabinets above the sink. It reminds me of the time Adrian had a bout of diarrhea in his seat during church mass. I gulp audibly. 

Oh my Lord…

“I guess you can,” I say ever so faintly, wondering if he can actually hear me.

What was I doing? Why am I so weak?! 

“Great! I’ll be there soon.” 

Before I can respond, the phone beeps three times to indicate he has hung up.

This is not at all what I had planned for my Saturday. A moment of sheer panic falls over me when I realize that my apartment is absolutely disgusting. Mess lurks in every corner of the room. The kitchen is a filthy disarray of dishes and food products. I’m sitting in my black robe, sans make-up, with messy hair and stinky coffee breath. 

As I gaze toward the bathroom with careful contemplation, my mind begins to race. I begin to ponder Anthony’s home life. Has he broken up with his girlfriend, and now he wants me back? This was too much for me to handle. I picture Candace weeping on the floor, clutching their daughter, Lilly in her arms. The poor child is wailing. She is inconsolable alongside her mother. They are completely heartbroken.

My eyes grow wide with fear and shame. My imagination has gotten the best of me. Guilt begins to consume me in a wave of pulsating heat, but then I realize I’m having an actual hot flash. I literally have to step outside to cool down and refocus.

I can’t do this to them. I cannot do to them what Anthony did to me. I decided to make a vow with myself at that moment to not give in to my ex-husband. Whatever he says to convince me to come back, I will stand my ground…or at least that was the plan.