“HIS VITALS ARE DROPPING, AND HE’S BLOOD IS CLOTTING AT A RAPID RATE! DOCTOR AT THIS RATE, HE’S GOING TO DIE!”
“...It’s risky, but I’m going to need to make another cut!”
“ARE YOU MAD WOMAN!? ANOTHER CUT LIKE THAT COULD CAUSE FATAL BLOOD LOSS!”
“DO YOU HAVE ANY BETTER IDEAS!? CAUSE I’D LOVE TO HEAR THEM!?”
“...What do you need from the rest of us?”
It was supposed to be nothing more than another regular open-heart surgery, just one of the hundreds I’ve already performed in my long career as a cardio thoracic surgeon.
“Just make sure the machines are working properly to keep his heartbeats stable; we are already dealing with enough issues as is and don’t want the machines acting up on top of it all!”
However, today was different...Something had gone horribly wrong during the surgery, and the man I promised to protect was at death’s door, and I don’t understand why.
I’ve followed every step with great care and procession like I would with any other patient, yet the man’s blood refused to flow properly throughout his body and began to clog at a rapid rate I’ve never thought possible.
Already made a big enough cut in his artery, so any further cuts would seriously risk all the built-up blood spilling out of him at once and killing him instantly, with none of us surgeons able to do anything to prevent it.
There was no other option that any of us could think of that wouldn’t cost us precious time, so the only thing we could do was take this risk and pray to God that this cut would be enough to get his blood flowing again then proceed to patch him back up.
Steeling my nerves, I take hold of my scalpel and proceed to inch it close to the tiny artery, keeping both my breaths and hands steady, blocking out the world around me, and go to make the dreaded cut.
Making sure to avoid contact with the man’s rib cage, I hovered my scalpel over the troubled artery, making absolutely sure I aimed for the right spot and calculated the right amount of length to cut into.
I didn’t have time to waste though; no doubt my co-hots were screaming at me to hurry it up and make the cut this whole time as I made sure to find the right spot.
Quickly, I deduced the best spot to cut into and slowly poked my scalpel into the artery, carefully
making sure the cut wasn’t too deep, along with guiding my tool on a steady path while also making sure to keep it at a reasonable length.
One wrong move even to a minuscule degree could be disastrous and end up costing this man his life.
It seemed the procedure had been going well enough. I took great care to keep the cut nice and steady, allowing more blood to seep out at a reasonable pace, though from our scans the clogging hadn’t reduced and instead only got worse, which forced me to continue to cut a bigger slice than I had been comfortable with.
Don’t understand why it’s not flowing through now. Everything should have been fine after the first cut, yet for some reason this man’s body just refused to allow his blood to flow through without issue!
There was nothing else to do, though...I didn’t have time to pull out and discuss any other options with my co-hots...I had to make another small cut and just pray to God that this would work.
Steeling myself...I cut a single inch into the artery and prayed that this would just be enough to unclog the blood and get his blood flowing again…
“...NO!”
My prayers had been ignored…
Once I made that final cut, a stream of red liquid poured right out and completely soaked my hands to the point that you could no longer see the blue of my gloves.
My hands couldn’t stop shaking as I brought them up to my face, dropping the blood-soaked scalpel onto the floor. My vision blurred with the pit of my stomach, causing me great agony. I felt at the edge of throwing up while staring at my blood-covered hands.
“...Do-or….Doct-r...DOCTOR!”
“H-Huh!?” Hearing the scream of my colleague had snapped me out of my trance and turned my attention towards him...Only to be greeted with his head hung down and pointing to my patient's heart rate monitor.
My heart sank once I saw the line had come to a halt, and the sound of his heart flat lining echoed across this now deathly silent room.
“I’m afraid…”
We lost him
-
Stumbling down the almost empty halls, head hung low and unable to focus on anything other than my still shaken bare hands, unable to see anything but the blood of the man I failed to save despite washing my hands for over ten minutes ago now.
Quickly, I hid my unstable hands in my coat pockets so no one else could see the rectification of my failure, especially since I didn’t want the family of the man to see them, the ones to whom I had to break this horrendous news.
After what felt like an eternity making my way down these halls I’ve travelled down over a thousand times, I came to the big set of doors that separated the infirmary from the waiting room, coming to a complete halt once I approached them.
My breaths became erratic while gazing up at them, feeling a gigantic pair of towers that loomed over me, knowing that through those doors waited the family who expected to see me walk through and shower them with good news…
Instead, I felt like the messenger of death, having to break it to them that I had failed and murdered a loving husband and father of two sweet little lads.
Just before I could step through these oppressive doors, I had spotted the small family through the glass windows near the top of the doors, witnessing the mother and the two boys bundled together, staring at a tablet that rested on the mother’s lap, doing her best to keep the kids preoccupied from their dad’s surgery...None of them had a clue just how much their world would come crashing down…
I began to blink rapidly all of a sudden before realising it had been caused by the tears that started pouring down my cheeks. I quickly used my sleeve to dry my eyes, as I had no right to cry after taking an innocent life from this world.
Was tempted to turn back and have one of my cohorts give the terrible news in my steed, but that would just be a cowardly way to avoid my responsibility and rob them of a chance to confront the killer of their dear loved one.
Preparing for my well-deserved onslaught, I take a deep breath and grab a hold of the doors, both feeling much heavier than usual and struggle to push them open even after putting all my weight into it.
“D-Doctor!” Without even taking a step out the door, the mother had ran over to me with her boys following not far behind. “H-How is my husband!? Everything went well, and he’ll be home soon, right?” The woman looked to me with wide-eyed hope in her eyes that she’d be seeing her husband soon...Only for such a hopeful flame to slowly be extinguished once she took note of my lifeless glance. “...The operation went well...Right?”
“Erm...Well…” I kept opening my mouth, trying to spare her any more false hope and tell her the unthinkable truth, but the words just refused to come out.
“O-Of course Daddy is okay!” the youngest of the two spoke up, pointing to me while tugging on his mother’s pant leg. “The lady doctor promised she’d have him all fixed up!” The little guy just had to speak up and remind me of the promise I had made before the surgery...Wide-eyed and full of hope, thinking he’d see his father again...Knowing that I had to break his heart in two had destroyed my very soul.
The older brother...Only looked up at me in silence… His eyes filled with deep worry and fear as he held tight to his mum’s hips as if he knew to expect horrible news.
I couldn’t continue to have them suffer in this ignorance any longer...I had to bite the bullet and tell them straight up what had happened. “...I’m afraid that...The operation didn’t go as expected…”
A bewildered expression befell the three of them, glancing amongst themselves in worry before the mother looked back to me with pure disdain while holding her kids close. “I don’t understand...What do you mean it didn’t go as expected?”
Watching the woman glare at me as if she were ready to strike me down if I said the wrong thing made it even harder to deliver the news, and seeing the two boys gripping tight to their mother’s legs as they looked up to me in utter fear made it torturous.
“Doctor! Tell me what happened to my husband!” the mother rightfully screamed at me while I struggled to figure out a way to deliver this cruel news.
It was just as cruel to leave them suffering in silence like this any longer, though...I had to get over myself and face the fallout that was about to follow. “...I’m dreadfully sorry to say this, but your husband…” I turned away, too cowardly to look the terrified woman in the eyes. “...Passed away due to a sudden blood-clot.”
“W-What!” the woman screamed at the top of her lungs, my body clamping up in response. I glanced over to see that she understandably did not take the news well, almost losing her balance due to the shock, but managed to catch herself from falling. “N-No...My husband can’t be...Y-You promised you’d take care of him! How could you allow him to die!?” she continued yelling, all the while pointing at me and staring me down with pure hatred behind her soaked eyes.
Such an outburst gathered the attention of everyone in the waiting room, many staring in confusion while others whispered among each other, no doubt talking about how I’m a horrid human being for allowing an innocent man to die in my care.
“W-We did all we could to try and save his life, but...No matter what I tried, I wasn’t able to get his blood flowing properly."
“I-I can’t believe it…” It was then that the woman’s sorrow quickly overtook her rage, breaking out into a sobbing mess, her head falling into her hands as she cried out in agony.
“M-M-mummy! T-That lady is just lying, r-right!?” It was then that the youngest kid began to cry, hugging his mother’s leg tight while looking over to me in utter fear. “S-She promised she’d make d-daddy all better, a-and he’d be able to come home soon!”
The older brother didn’t have that same hope, looking up at me in disgust as his own tears rolled down his cheeks. "No, Max...I-I don’t think dad is coming home…” He tried to stay strong for his family, but once he expressed the harsh reality out loud, he broke down into a sobbing mess and broke his stoic disposition.
“Max...Jake…” the mother did her best to be strong for her boys, kneeling down and hugging them tight. “We might not be able to see Daddy anymore, but he’ll always be watching over and protecting us from heaven as our guardian angel.” The tears continued to run down the mum’s cheeks, fighting hard to not completely break down for the sake of her kids.
Watching them huddle together on the floor and grieving the loss of such an important person in their life was enough to completely break me. I felt sick to my stomach knowing it was by my own hands that caused this tragedy.
If only I didn’t make that foolish call to cut more into his artery, then a loving husband and father would still be here to return home with his family…
“I’m...So sorry…” There was nothing I could do or say to make up for my incompetence, and the mother knew it, glaring up at me with pure, unfiltered hatred behind those eyes before returning her full attention back to helping her kids through this horrible situation.
Could do nothing more than watch this now broken family come to terms with the fact that they are going home with one less family member...All because of the doctor they put all their faith and trust into saving his life…
Had failed them
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