Whether it was writing out my reports, cleaning my tools, or even something as simple as washing up my dishes, my mind won’t stop flashing back to the sight of the fatal cut I made into the man along with the gallons of blood that poured out of him.
Only became worse when I tried to sleep. The instant I closed my eyes, my mind began to relive that moment over and over again before ending with his corpse sitting up and turning to me with his pupil less eyes and asking why I didn’t save him and that it’s all my fault that his family is all alone to fend for themselves now.
I haven’t slept much this whole week because of that nightmare, which caused my other colleagues to worry about me, telling me that it wasn’t my fault and that I did everything I could to try and save the man.
All these empty statements are just trying to shield me from the truth that I let a man die under my care and don’t deserve to continue being a doctor any longer.
I tried quitting, no longer trusting myself to operate on another person again and risk taking more lives along with causing more families to suffer, but the higher-ups suggested giving me a week off to think about it instead, along with some bullshit speech about how I’ve saved more lives and shouldn’t linger on this one mistake…
It's such a disgusting thing to call my failure a mere "mistake." No, a mistake is dropping your phone in the toilet, killing a man you were supposed to save goes beyond a simple mistake...That’s something that can’t be forgiven.
Even now, when I look at my hands...I see nothing but the man’s blood coating them, just as clear and fresh as the day I made that dreaded cut…
No...Even after a week, I know that I have no right to continue being a doctor...In fact… I have no right to keep living, and there was only one thing I could do to make things right…
…
“You humans are quite a funny lot.” All of a sudden, a strange voice that sounded both like a man and a woman yet also had this otherworldly tone I could not put my finger on came from right beside me. “You saved so many lives, yet you linger on the one you couldn’t? Truly, I will never be able to understand you creatures.”
Another person had appeared out of nowhere and sat beside me, dawning a black hoodie that completely covered their face, along with a black pair of jeans and dark green gloves covering their whole body.
The person leaned back with one arm hanging over the side while flipping a coin with the other, staring out into the vast lake just like I had before they arrived.
Seeing the outfit paired with the coin helped give me a good guess on just who this person is...To put it more accurately, who this creature is.
“...You must be that spirit that everyone online calls ‘Dealer’ right?” A sigh leaves me as my focus returns to the lake, knowing exactly what they were here for if the tales about them online were correct.
“Oh? You don’t seem very surprised by my presence?”
“I might have been about a week ago; hell, I know for a fact I’d be freaking the hell out seeing you here.” I lean forward, staring at my blood-soaked hands and curling them into a pair of fists. “After what I had done, though...I’m more than ready to play your game.”
If the encounters I’ve read about online are true, then this creature is going to challenge me to a coin-flipping game, one where my fate will be decided based on whether it lands on heads or tails.
One consistent thing about all their recounts is that the coin always landed on tails, which meant they all managed to be spared from Dealer’s wrath... Yet from the hundreds of accounts, I’ve never read about anyone stating that their coin landed on heads—at least none that sounded believable.
Can only assume the outcome of those souls where the coin landed on head and if such assumptions are right...Then I can only pray that Lady Fate decides that the coin will land on heads.
A chuckle left the creature, sparking enough curiosity in me to look over to them and wonder what they had been so amused by. “Fascinating; it’s rare that one looks forward to playing my favourite game with me; you’re chalk full of surprises, aren't you?”
So that’s the source of their amusement, huh? I couldn’t help but mimic the creature and let out a chuckle of my own. “Well...I’m sure not everyone you challenged had taken a life before…”
“You’d be quite surprised how common it is for me to encounter such individuals,” so this creature had met with murderers before?
If that’s the case, then maybe those are the people who had the coin land on heads...It makes sense then as to why we never heard about their fate...Like me, they no doubt deserved it and suffered the ultimate punishment for their sins.
“Alright, since you have great knowledge of my game, then we can jump straight into it and see what Lady Fate has in store for you.” I see the people posting about this creature were actually legitimate, as the majority of the posts spoke about the creature referring to an entity they like to call Lady Fate.
I don’t know if it’s referring to an actual higher being or not, nor is it my place to enquire since it was my fate to let my execution play out and face the eternal damnation that follows to make up for my unforgivable crime.
With that, the creature flipped the coin high into the air, officially sealing my fate.
Tails: You shall continue to go about your days and journey along the road that you think is best
Heads: Your story shall come to a swift end, with only the memories of those around you as evidence of the mark you left on this world
I didn’t even bother watching the coin; there was no point in doing so since I had already known the outcome. Instead, I took one last selfish glance at the beautiful lake before me, reflecting the rise of the afternoon sun.
Closing my eyes and finally at peace once I heard the slap of the creature’s wrist, knowing it was about time the final chapter of my life had come to an end.
...
“You don’t need to tell me the results...I already know it landed on heads.” A smile befell me, and a bitter sense of happiness followed, knowing I was finally going to face justice for the man I had slain and his family that I had torn apart.
“Oh? What makes you believe my coin landed on heads?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” I look at the creature, quite confused. Why would it ask such a thing? “It’s like I told you before the game…” I lower my head, gazing at my scarlet-soaked hands once more, repressing the urge to cry since I had no right to pity myself for taking a life. “It’s because I failed to save the man’s life...So I’m ready to accept whatever fate has in store for me...No matter how torturous the punishment.”
Taking a deep breath, I bow my head before the creature, steeling myself for whatever eternal suffering shall await me...Only for nothing to happen.
Curiously got the best of me and decided to look up to see what was going on, only to get a right shock when I saw Dealer was no longer there. “W-Wha-Where did the-
“You’ve given up quite easily for someone who hasn’t even seen the results yet.” I jumped in terror after hearing that distinct voice now coming from behind me. Turning around to see the creature stood behind me and rested a shoulder on the top of the bench while holding on to the coin.
“W-Wait...You’re not saying what I think you're saying, right?” It can’t be...There is no way the coin should land on tails after what I done.
“Don’t ask me. See the results for yourself.” Without even facing me, Dealer held out it’s palm with the coin in hand, allowing me to see the results with my own two eyes.
I look up at the mysterious creature, a slight hesitation fogging my mind, wondering just what's going on in its mind before finally steeling my nerves and looking down to see where the silver coin had landed. “...Is that...A dog laying by a pair of legs?” I wasn't expecting such a cute picture to be carved into the coin, nor did I understand its meaning. “D-Does this mean I lost or...What?”
“That’s for you to decide,” the creature said, pushing itself off the bench and placing the coin back in its pocket. “I can confirm that the coin did indeed land on tails, so it seems Lady Faith is looking down on you kindly today.” As I processed what they were talking about, Dealer had walked around the bench and seemed to have been heading for the lake.
“W-Wait! Hang on just a moment!” fumbling off the bench and falling face first onto the ground, I quickly got to my feet and called to the spirit before they could disappear. “I-I don’t understand, though. I…” I glanced at my blood-drenched hands once more, squeezing them tight, and broke down, no longer able to hold back my tears. “...I took the life of an innocent man...Don’t I deserve to be punished for my sin?”
The creature came to a complete stop once it reached the bike road and let off a half hearted shrug. “I have no idea, nor do I care; the only thing I’m interested in is playing my favourite game with you humans.”
“I-I see…” I had so many questions I wanted to ask this spirit, especially about what it is and why it’s so lenient in letting me get away with my crime...Though as much as I wanted to dissect it’s brain, I had a feeling it wasn’t going to stick around to answer a single one of them.
“I will say though...You are indeed one of the more interesting human’s I’ve come across,” was taken back by the creature’s sudden complement, turning its body over to face me as it rested its hands in its pockets all the while holding its head high. “No wonder Lady Fate took a particular interest in you...Just remember this: You always have the means to summon me…
Though I wouldn’t recommend doing so
Before I could even muster a word to have the creature clarify what it meant, a biker rode by the moment I stepped onto the path and crashed into me.
After some very harsh words from the man; I continued my hunt for The Dealer...Only for the creature to have completely disappeared.
I wouldn’t be surprised if that creature planned for that man to run into me so it could vanish without me seeing it; it seems like the type of power they could possess.
Now that they were gone, it means that I still have yet to face proper punishment for taking that man’s life...Until I’ve finally made amends for such an unforgivable deed, then my hands will foreve-…
“I-I don’t believe it!”
As I look down at my hands, ready to be greeted with the dripping blood of my patient...Something strange had happened...
“M-MY HANDS!?”
For the first time since that horrible day, my hands were completely bare-
No longer soaked in blood
-
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