“No!” I heard myself yell as The Fourth Prince’s guard reached for my hand. I shook it off without any further thought and shortly considered running away.

This was weird. I was weird.

Ever since I had died and gone back in time, I hardly recognized myself.

I was usually much calmer than this. I did not fall to the whim of feelings and instincts at every turn.

Had I or had I not nodded just now?

The Fourth Prince looked at me, the icy gaze had returned, the air around us started feeling cold, with the shadows frozen from fear, not daring to move.

“What do you mean ‘no’. You just agreed, did you not? Do you not want to honor your kingdom and protect the royal family?” The Fourth Prince spoke very slowly, every word cracking and splintering but holding firm. 

He held out an arm, commanding the guard to ready himself.

I knew that order too well.

If I said anything out of turn the words would come crashing down, drown and leave no conversation left to be had.

I would be cut where I stood, and that would be that.

“No, My Prince. I’m sorry. I got scared…” I mumbled, playing up my childish behavior as much as I could, hoping it would be my one saving grace.

I deliberately looked at the guard and the sword as his hip, then back at The Fourth Prince. He gave an understanding nod, his gaze softening.

“My guard means you no harm, he will simply deliver you to your new home. Now, child, take his hand and follow him. I am a busy man, and have other places to be.”

The guard grabbed my hand before I could say anything else, and started dragging me off. Only then did I realize that The Fourth Prince did not follow us. Instead, he turned his back and walked the opposite direction, no guards flanking him, all alone in the too bright clothes.

A sick feeling rose within me as one thought reigned supreme. Was he going to The Sixth Prince? Would he hurt him? Had I already failed my second chance?

No. I wouldn’t allow it. But I also did not dare get free of the firm grip the guard had on me. I would trust The Sixth Prince to stay alive for now. He had stayed alive until adulthood in my previous life, and I had to believe he would be able to do so again.

Right now… I had to figure out how to get out of this situation, and why I had ended up here.

One thing did seem clear…

My childish appearance did not only affect my physical abilities, but also, it seemed, my mind.

The impulses, the lack of logic, the lack of proper planning, the lack of understanding, the lack of critical thinking.

I was missing all the skills I had spent years perfecting, and the amount of time it took me to piece things together was slow and agonizing.

I was a child in body and in mind, with past memories I could not use in an optimal way.

I needed to grow up, train, practice, and study.

Fast.

And…

The person who was holding my hand firm and dragging me along was going to take me to the exact place I learned those skills the first time.

Despite how I got here, and how much I didn’t want to once again be under The Fourth Prince, getting there might be the best place for me. Not only would I be able to regain my lost skills, I would be able to have direct access to The Fourth Prince and gather information, like I had planned to do at the meeting, although it had been a naive notion that I would be able to get anything out of him in five minutes, when I was a child and a stranger.

This might have been the better plan all along.

I tried to focus on gathering my thoughts. Having concluded that my mind did not work optimally, being limited by being a child, I could only conclude that I couldn’t trust myself to come up with clever plans. I could only come up with childish ones, but sometimes that should be enough.

I knew things were happening between The Fourth Prince, The Sixth Prince and The Third Princess, and while I had thought the best place to be was by The Sixth Prince’s side, it was indeed too hasty.

Too impulsive.

Something I was not supposed to be.

I took a breath. I needed to understand my limits.

While getting dragged, I looked at my surroundings. The buildings that had been build and rebuild, from magic going awry.

The people who looked tired, but not unhappy.

The animals walking around the streets, like they were citizens of the kingdom just as much as everyone else.

The people who sold everything from bread to potions at the markets.

People who yelled out about steaming buns, fresh vegetables and juicy fruits.

And…

The blood red flowers with blue and red-orange leaves covering the execution grounds.

I looked away.

While executions did not happen often, and only for the worst of crimes, they happened often enough for the execution ground to be in full bloom.

I hated that flower.

“It’s a pretty flower, isn’t it?” The guard seemed to have noticed my averted gaze, as he suddenly decided to strike up conversation, having not said a word since he started dragging me along.

“...Yes,” I responded, not daring to be impolite.

The Fourth Prince’s guards were rarely kindhearted people, as we were not allowed to have a heart or feelings when serving him.

The guard seemed bored with this response, and kept going, almost making me trip over my own legs from suddenly being dragged along again.

From there, it did not take too long before we were at The Fourth Prince’s villa. A place he used for training his people, and where they lived.

The guard released the firm grip on my arm, and pushed me towards a familiar man, but before I could recall the name, the guard turned around with a cruel smile.

“You didn’t nod,” he said, and then he left.