Matt was one the target of bullying. Whether in the hallways, the boy's dorm, the kitchen, or even during class, he faced harassment for being openly gay. 

At Lead High, the students were homophobic. Only the rich and popular students managed to escape this cruelty. Matt had previously dated a wealthy senior who had since graduated, making him an easy target for bullies. The status of his former boyfriend had shielded him, but once that support was gone, the situation worsened.

After I stood up for him on one particular day, the bullying lessened. My popularity and my dad's role as a school benefactor contributed to why the bullies backed off. We started to form a friendship, often hanging out with my other friend, Dan. 

Rumours began to circulate that we were more than just friends, but I didn’t mind; I just wanted to keep him safe. That’s when I started to realize I might have feelings for him, or so I thought. 

In our final year of high school, I told him about my feelings. When I confessed, he didn’t reject me outright, nor did he accept me. Instead, he offered an awkward laugh and quickly found an excuse to leave. 

Surprisingly, I didn’t feel hurt. I felt...normal. That realization unsettled me. I should have been upset or experienced some emotional turmoil, but that wasn’t the case. Perhaps it was because he hadn’t completely shut me down, and I clung to the hope that I might still have a chance, which is why I felt indifferent. 

When we met again after my confession, we did talk about my earlier confession, behaving as if nothing had happened. The rumours continued to circulate, yet neither of us did anything about it. 

Later that year, Ben told me about his friend group, and that's when I first noticed Casper. He had this habit of staring at me, only to look away as soon as our eyes met. I had a hunch he might have feelings for me, but I wasn't sure. 

We threw a joint party at their school, marking our farewell as seniors—a sort of send-off celebration. That was the moment we shared our first kiss. I recall feeling a bit tipsy when I asked him if he had feelings for me. Instead of answering, he leaned in and kissed me before dashing off. I was taken aback; I never thought he would make such a bold move.

My father is homophobic, which is why I didn't attend Collins High—he feared I would "turn out like Ben" if I went there. After my parents divorced, my dad secured custody of me, and I spent my high school years living with him. My mom, however, was accepting of my sexuality, loving me regardless of whether I was gay or straight. So, after I graduated and turned 18, I made the decision to move in with her. 

My father wasn’t pleased with my choice. To provoke him further, I opted to pursue a law degree instead of business. It was in class where I struck up a friendship with Mick, but he planned to switch to business administration in the second semester due to issues with his student profile. 

So, I made a deal with my dad; I would transfer to business administration if he agreed to stop meddling in my personal life, particularly my romantic interests. I wanted the freedom to date whomever I pleased. 

I was happy to discover that Matt was also there, but seeing Casper caught me off guard. I never expected our paths to cross again. Memories of his crush on me and that kiss came rushing back as soon as I laid eyes on him. 

I found myself intrigued by Casper, wanting to learn more about him. When he brought up Jess, I racked my brain trying to recall who that was and only remembered when he mentioned the handjob. 

Despite his attempts to push me away, I felt a strong desire to talk to Casper. His playful teasing was endearing, and I craved his attention. Yet, I was cautious. The fear that it might mirror my experience with Matt lingered. I worried that I might feel nothing again, that it was all just a figment of my imagination. 

But when he broke down, tears in his eyes, pleading for me to leave him alone, I felt a pang of hurt. I didn’t want to see him like that; I wanted to reach out, to connect with him. I longed for friendship with him, and maybe even something deeper. 

It dawned on me that I had feelings for Casper, but this time, I was anxious that he might not feel the same way about me. Unlike with Matt, the thought of rejection from Casper filled me with dread.