I wanted to forget all of my interactions with Moir Rye Lagididto. I wouldn’t have minded being friends with him, but I just didn’t like the way he approached me about it. It isn’t just a simple “Hey, wanna be friends?” when we had just met when he decided to ask me that. I feel like I’m going crazy but every time I try to avoid Lagididto I always end up running into him anyway. I don’t think he’s stalking me. I thought this was all just one big coincidence until my parents decided that we moved closer to my school so that we didn’t have to drive an hour there every day from now on. This also meant that we had to find a new church to go to every Sunday. With my mom being Filipino and me being half-Filipino, my mom always opts to go to a Filipino-dominated church with my white dad just tagging along.

Our first Sunday at a new church, after service I had to use the restroom so I went and was on my way out assuming my parents were already outside. As I was walking out the door, a teenage boy trying to run out the door bumped into me without even apologizing as I looked at him visibly irritated. I stood in that spot for quite some time, still visibly irritated, until I looked to my left and saw a familiar face. Lagididto. 

Monday morning, I speed walk to my locker. Amy Carena’s locker is right next to mine. I wanted to get to my locker before we ran into each other, but it was too late. Amy Carena was already there, I knew I couldn't just skip going to my locker when I needed something in there for my first class. I reach my locker and Amy Carena gives me a brief side glance. My heart skipped a beat when her eyes met mine and I froze in place until she had finally closed her locker and walked away to go to class with her friends. I want to envision a friendship with Amy Carena, but I’m a coward. At least I didn’t receive an early morning confrontation from her. She looked genuinely irritated the day before when she saw me, her gaze burnt a hole through my head.

The week went by like how it usually goes, I tried to interact with Amy Carena less and less. Despite my efforts, I almost always run into her anyway. Friday was when things changed, the dismissal bell rang for the last class of the day. I think one of Amy Carena’s friends was absent that day because she had no one to walk out with. As I was walking out, I noticed that she was behind me. She called out to me.

“Hey… uh. About that song.” Amy Carena stared at me blankly, “I never got to tell you that it was really neat.”

“Oh! Thank you!” I was ecstatic.

“I didn’t know you wrote songs.”

“I dabble a bit in songwriting, I’ve never actually sung any of them.”

“Still. That song was well written, keep it up.”

“I-I will!” I almost stumble over my own words.

“Well, I gotta go now. I’ll… see you at church I guess.” 

Amy Carena went on her way and out of the campus while I was still frozen in place at the doorway of our classroom. I couldn’t believe it, Amy Carena approached me! Willingly!

Sunday morning came and for once I was visibly thrilled to go to church that even my mom noticed. “You’re surprisingly up early for church today, what’s the occasion?” I ignored her question and got dressed like usual.

When I walked through those doors I expected to find Amy Carena’s messy brown layers in the crowd, imagine my surprise when I saw her on stage with a microphone in hand. The church band looked like they were getting done with their warmups. My mom and I find our seats and sit down. Morning worship is about to start, the band will sing three songs and the pastor moves on to the actual service right after. The room was quiet for a brief moment. I expected the worship leader to start us off but Amy Carena was the one to open her mouth. “Let’s all stand and praise the Lord!” her voice rang out. Applause and a series of “Amen” break out from the religious crowd. The drummer proceeds to count to three with their drumsticks and on the fourth strike the guitarist and bassist join in, then the pianist, and finally Amy Carena with her singing voice. A round of applause starts up again and I join in. I never thought I’d hear Amy Carena’s singing voice again. Last year, we had a talent show towards the end of the school year. I wanted to join but chickened out, Amy Carena Allard was the only freshman who was brave enough to participate. Amy Carena has a beautiful singing voice, it reverberates in my heart and in my soul in ways I can never truly explain. Her voice was soft yet sharp enough to cut through my heart like Cupid’s arrow, soft yet steady like an oil rig anchored to the ocean floor, soft yet carried the weight of everything she kept to herself. I desired to learn more about Amy Carena after that Sunday service. I yearned to have those deep conversations with her.

After the service, I gathered the courage and rushed to Amy Carena to compliment her singing. Despite that, I reached a mental block. It felt like preparing for a skateboard trick that I knew I could do, but something in me told me it might go wrong somehow. I wanted to compliment Amy Carena’s captivating voice but, in my head, we haven’t reached that level of friendship yet.

My mother suggested that I join the worship team at this new church. I didn’t mind joining because I was part of the worship team at our last church. I learned that this church holds an audition on a Friday after a new member joins, I’m guessing since this church doesn’t seem very crowded from the looks of it. I don’t actually associate myself with Christianity or religion. Although I have to admit that singing in front of a crowd since my family started going to church has not only improved my singing, it also improved my confidence as a singer in general.

For my audition, I picked a well-known worship song. One that will catch the attention of the pastor and kids my age. This church, despite not being too crowded, had a very large youth group and this youth group is made up of kids of mine and Lagididto’s age. Both the pastor and the church band are gonna be judging and I felt nervous for the first time in a while. I need to win their hearts too if I’m gonna be a part of this band for a while, regardless if I believe in God or not. 

On the day of the audition, I drank nothing but ginger tea the entire day. After school, I locked myself in my room and practiced until it was time for the audition.

I surrender

I surrender

I wanna know you more

I wanna know you m–

I was cut off by the muffled sound of my mother’s voice on the other side of my door, “Amy, it’s time for your audition! Are you ready yet? We’re heading to the church now!” Oh my God! I lost track of time! I quickly got dressed, walked out of my room, and ran to the car. Thankfully, we got there in time. I was the only one there and the thought of that made me even more nervous, but I pushed past the nervousness.

I sang like I’ve never sung before, I was lost in the song and my voice did all the work. Then, it was time for judging.

“Amy, what a heavenly voice you have. Well done.” said the worship leader.

“I agree.” the pastor concurred.

“Thank you.” I thanked them.

“Honestly,” the worship leader began, “I’m speechless. If Pastor Dannie truly agrees with me, I think you should be our new lead vocalist.”

“Really!?” I beamed.

Pastor Dannie truly did agree as he gave me a nod of approval. “Practice is tomorrow at noon,” the worship leader told me, “My name is Marley by the way, but you can call me Marls.”

“Thanks for having me Marls! I promise I’ll do my best.”

So that’s how quickly I won the hearts of the pastor, the worship team leader, and the rest of the band. When I sang in front of a crowd for the first time since moving into this town that Sunday, I think I won the hearts of everyone else too.