Hi. Hello. Greetings from your local hot mess express. I’m Mokane—pronounced like "mocha" but with more identity crises—and everyone calls me Moka because I made them. If you spell it with a “c,” I will stare at you like you insulted my cat. (I don’t have a cat. But if I did? Yeah. Rude.)

I’m the kind of girl who shows up to class with a banana in her hoodie pocket and a mini stapler in her hair. Don’t ask why. I wouldn’t even know how to explain it. Chaos is my brand. I’m running on five hours of sleep, a granola bar, and pure vibes. And maybe a little existential dread, but I bottle that up and turn it into interpretive dance. Or memes. Usually memes.

Now. Let’s talk about my soulmate in emotional repression: Iroha.

Iroha is that girl who reads dark Russian literature for “fun” and somehow makes a blazer look casual. She gives off “I know something you don’t” energy but refuses to elaborate. Her eyeliner could cut glass. Her stare could vaporize planets. She has a pet plant she named after a tragic literary figure and once said, “hope is a capitalist construct” during lunch like we were just gonna keep eating our sandwiches after that.

But listen—she’s loyal. Quiet, but not in a shy way—in a “I’m plotting seventeen steps ahead” way. She makes me feel less like a feral raccoon and more like a… raccoon who has a friend. A mysterious, emotionally intelligent, probably-a-vampire friend.

Now. As for Wonhee.

She’s like... if the universe had a favorite child. I’m not even being dramatic (which is saying a lot for me). She’s pretty, smart, talented, and life just works out for her like she made a secret deal with the stars or something. One time she tripped and somehow ended up in a viral TikTok and got free ramen out of it. I trip and fracture my dignity.

Iroha pretends she doesn’t care. She says things like, “Wonhee’s just calibrated to the frequency of success,” which means nothing but also everything. Me? I care. I care a lot. I want to be chill about it, but like... how do you stay chill when your best friend glows like she’s the main character in a Netflix series and you’re over here trying to keep your shoelaces tied?

So now it’s me, Iroha, and a whole lot of questions.
Also, maybe snacks.
Definitely snacks.

Because if the world is breaking? I’m not doing it on an empty stomach.