Remember to live

Omir

Liam followed right behind me, and we made it back to our dorms without further incident. But I could feel it, he had a lot to say.

I'll admit, I could have handled it better. But if I had stayed even a second longer, I wouldn't have walked away. I would have fallen apart, and this time, not even Lynx could have caught me.

You're so stubborn and annoying, Lynx grumbled in my head. You didn't even let me get a good look at them. Or their familiars. I hate that they had to seal them.

Well, you'll be next if you keep on, I shot back. You know why we can't. Why are you making this harder for me?

Because I refuse to support your dumb decisions.

I sighed. You and I both know that's not what I'm doing.

"Well, that was something," Liam muttered, plopping down onto his bed. "They don't seem like bad people. I still don't get why we couldn't just eat with them. You know, people like us don't usually get chances like that."

I stared at the floor. All the people I care about seem to be against my decisions lately.

"That's exactly why. I don't want them to keep approaching. There are already bound to be rumors, and so far, only you know about the bond. I doubt they've told anyone, and I want to keep it that way."

Liam raised an eyebrow. "And you think ignoring them is the way to handle that? Seriously?"

"I'm protecting all of us. Including them."

"Omir, you're not protecting anyone. You're just hurting yourself before they have the chance to."

I turned sharply. "You don't get it. They're nobility. They're already engaged. What am I supposed to do, step in and ruin everything? Become a part of their fairytale?"

"You think they're playing just fairytale right now? Did you see the way they looked at you? They're confused. But they're not running. You are."

I fell silent.

"That is what scares you, isn't it?" Liam added. "That they might actually choose you. That you might matter to them."

"And what if they don't?" I whispered.

"Then you walk away knowing you tried. Not like this. Not by slamming the door shut before it even opens."

"I can't, okay? You don't know what people will say. They won't accept this. I'm the son of a farmer. My ancestors were servants and fieldworkers. Accepting their bond only means I get thrown away later. And that will hurt more."

"So, what? You're giving up before you even try? You think it's that easy to walk away from a soulbond? You think Aurelia would throw me away just because she's from the Cornelius House?" Liam snapped.

I flinched. I hadn't meant to say that. But it was too late..

Liam was soulbonded to Aurelia Cornelius. She wasn't the heir, but she was still important in the House hierarchy. Their union had faced opposition. However, once Liam was accepted into the Academy, the Cornelius family backed off. Graduation from here meant automatic knighthood and political weight.

"That's not what I meant," I murmured. "Our situations are different. Aria and Ethan are engaged. From rival empires. Their relationship already defies politics. You think adding me won't tip the scales?"

"Yeah, well, they did not ask for your hand in marriage, Omir. They just wanted to share breakfast."

"I'm not interested," I said. "Because my heart would be on the line, and I'm not ready to risk that."

Liam stood abruptly. "Then stay alone and figure your feelings out. I never took you for a coward. I guess I was wrong. I'm going to breakfast with my soulmate, unlike you. I do not want to keep her waiting. "

He slammed the door on his way out.

Silence filled the room.

You know they aren't the same as your mother, Lynx whispered softly.

I flinched.

Maybe I was comparing them. Maybe that's why everything hurt so much.

My memory pulled me backward. To a time when my world was only Mama and me.

"Bonds are a wretched thing, little one," she told me once, her voice paper-thin, her body wasting away in her bed. "I wish the goddess had never gifted them to us."

I was seven. Angry. Confused. Hurt.

"Mama, why couldn't we save Mother? You said we're strong. You said our familiars are strong. Why are we hiding, then? If we're so powerful, why do we live like this?"

"Because strength means nothing without safety," she said. "And safety is something people like us never get to take for granted."

I resented her then. For giving up. For making me invisible. For abandoning me in her grief. For hardly ever being sober enough to remember my face.

Her soulmate had died in service to the Zamani Knight Order. And she followed soon after, not in battle, but in spirit. Her bond had been too much to bear.

"Our blessing is a gift... and a shackle," Mama told me. "I prayed to Terra that you wouldn't inherit it. But the goddess didn't listen. You must hide Lynx. You must never reveal the magic I've taught you. Do you understand, Omir? This is the only thing I can leave you."

She had taught me to vanish. To shrink. To survive.

Her last words burned into my mind like a brand.

"I pray your life is uneventful, my little one. That you never know fame or power or nobility. I hope your soulmate chooses hiding, unlike mine. I hope you live quietly. Happily. Freely. I haven't been the best mother... but I tried. I just can't go on with half a soul. I'm sorry."

She passed quietly that morning. I found her still and cold by the window, the sunrise just beginning to touch her cheeks. Now, though... It's hard to resent her, because to resent someone, you have to remember loving them. And I don't. Not really.

My grandmother tried to explain it. She tried to ease my heart. But she was angry, too. So angry.

We left for Allerick shortly after. Zamani held too many ghosts.

And now here I was, hiding again. Just like she'd taught me.