Dark.

Bottomless, impenetrable, oppressive. It’s like I’m drowning in ink, suffocating, trying to swim out, but in vain.

Fear.

Icy, all-consuming, chilling the body and soul.

Emptiness. No thoughts, no feelings, no desires. Only emptiness and silence.

And suddenly - light. Bright, dazzling, pouring from everywhere.

Warm. Gentle, caressing, permeating every cell of my body.

Feeling of peace. Incredible, serene, all-encompassing.

I'm flying. Like a bird soaring above the clouds.

The world around me is beautiful. I see all the colors, all the sounds, all the smells.

I feel one with all that exists.

I am everything and everything is me.

But gradually the light begins to fade. The warmth is fading.

The feeling of peace gives way to anxiety.

I fall again, but not into darkness, but into emptiness.

The cold stone of the monastery floor chilled me to the bone. My body, exhausted from years of battles and wanderings, no longer felt either pain or fear. Only emptiness.

I closed my eyes, waiting for the darkness to completely swallow me. But instead...light?

At first it was dim, barely noticeable, but became brighter every second. I opened my eyelids, squinting from its radiance.

Lama Ramplaa Rimpoche stood in front of me in a long monastic robe. His wrinkled face was illuminated by a soft smile.

- Welcome back! - he said in a quiet but firm voice.

I wanted to answer, but the words got stuck in my throat.

I looked at his hand in disbelief. She glowed with a warm, gentle light.

Without thinking, I grabbed it.

At that very moment, I was overcome with a feeling of incredible warmth and peace. The body hurts, the head is dizzy, but a strange peace reigns in the soul.

The pain in the body receded, and the darkness that shrouded the consciousness dissipated.

I'm alive? I don't know how this happened. Miracle?

I looked at Lama Rimpoche, and his smile seemed to me to be the answer to all my questions.

- I'm back?

Lama Rimpoche nodded and, without saying a word, led me inside the monastery.

I didn't know what lay ahead, but I felt like my life had changed forever.

I was covered all over with black holes. Or rather, my body consisted of black holes that were connected by uneven pieces of flesh and clothing. I see clearly: the olive fabric of the pants, every thread, every stitch. I see my skin, the pimples of my pores, and how they breathe. I see every hair on my body where there was still a body. I noticed that the hairs also breathed, but in a different way: not with air, but with some colorless liquid that was spilled under his skin. Then I found myself inside the hair: I was pulled there, like into a tunnel, and it was light there.

I woke up on the floor. I am whole, not from black holes.

I slowly, carefully sat down on the floor.

- You lay dead for eight hours, I confirmed your death. And now I confirm and testify to your resurrection! The world is an illusion, a well-built, completely harmonious and beautiful decoration. When you see God, you think you see love, and it is so, but you returned to the body, and here death remained, what you always considered death, what you feared, more than any pain, it is now right here in front of you, and right into you. This is the other side of God, here is life, and this is you, here is death, and this is also you. True without any falsehood, certain and supremely true: That which is below is similar to that which is above. And that which is above is similar to that which is below, in order to realize the wonders of one thing and one world. And just as all things came from the One, so all things were born from this one essence through adaptation, acceptance. - Lama Rimpoche stated.

- I am Life and Death. I am THAT single consciousness, and you, everything around is THAT consciousness.

- All this is a divine game of God, his dream within a dream, where God dreams of Deus and Rimpche. God created many infinite universes and worlds and entities, and God divided into multitudes in order to be in these worlds and in entities, in order to know everything that he created through his entities and to know himself, dividing into multitudes. BUT, All the shortcuts, mental explanations are Irga of words, the game of God in your dream, what you see, is played by an actor named Deus Vult. God did not create the world for good, the world is a product of the suicide of God, who dreams of self-destruction, thus suicide is the purest fulfillment of the will of God. But there is no death, but there is also death, you must follow the rules of this world, and not become hostage to the categorical imperative, the metaphysical opinion that there is a plan and there is an extreme truth of existence that requires us to conform to ourselves. Everything in the human world dies. Even our planet is a product of divine suicide. The Earth will become uninhabitable for most organisms in about 1.3 billion years as a result of the natural evolution of the Sun, experts told Live Science. Humans could easily drive themselves to extinction within the next few centuries if the current rate of anthropogenic climate change is not reduced. Humanity is parasites on the planet, we are only multiplying, and procreation is contrary to the will of God, God’s will is our illnesses, aging and death. We people must stop all this meat grinder and cease to exist, we must submit to the will of God and disappear along with our planet and galaxy. This is the will of God. All intellectual strategies and reasoning of pessimists or atheists, or even worse, mystics, fall on the tractor of a metaphysical paradigm in which the authentic is opposed to the inauthentic. The ultimatum demand of existence is opposed to attraction and some kind of slyness, as if we are all called to bear witness according to the old Christian tradition. I am sure that the extreme limit of nihilism is the limit at which a person must give himself an account of his reasoning and in his choice the individual in relation to everything that we as people are involved cannot form. Therefore, the nihilistic position does not fundamentally stand out from the range of any meanings of life, and any ethical principles; nihilism and its metaphysics are communicated to the pessimist in the same puppet way as the optimistic position is communicated to the optimist. Therefore, all this pathos of suspicion and self-deception in the act of utterance is inseparable from the metaphysical ideology of the common good and the divine requirement for you, and the categorical imperative. Having reached the bottom of hell, we literally have no choice but to evade this point, including suicide, and not only the discourse about supernatural horror, but suicide itself, the negativity itself, the nihilistic policy itself of exterminating all things is no different from any other practice, because at this point of ultimate awareness of the insignificance of meaning there is no place for any imperative and no division into authentic and non-authentic. Most pessimists are in two senseless positions: they think that they have left the circle of survival, but have not left the circle of the metaphysics of their beliefs. How to leave the metaphysical circle? Urobo;ros "tail eater", this is a cosmopolitan symbol, known in many countries, depicting a snake or dragon biting its tail. Its meaning can be briefly described as follows: the end of a journey and the beginning of something new. Ouroboros is also a Hermeneutic circle, a metaphor that describes the interdependence of explanation and interpretation on the one hand, and understanding on the other. With every lap you will change. But it’s up to you to decide whether to go to the bright side or to the dark side. Just like magic, there is no white magic or black magic, magic is just magic, it all depends on what kind of person you are. Very simple! Instead of the imperative of nihilism, Christianity, Buddhism, and other nonsense, and placing oneself under the banner of darkness, a person takes a position of simple-minded disregard for all imperatives, letting himself go with the flow, throwing himself to the mercy of fate, the limit of realizing oneself as a puppet has as its product not despair, but continuation of existence as if nothing had happened.

- How did nothing happen?

- I am Ramplaa Rimpoche, I am in the area of ​​your consciousness, Deus, this is not the world that you are walking, this is only the area of ​​your consciousness, you do not see me, but only your idea of ​​me. Now your attention is directed to me, to the object, now I am the object of your attention. To get rid of me, you need to say “what I see is the world.” You and your consciousness are part of the world, which means that what you feel now is not an idea of ​​the world, it is also a network of the world. You are simply a part of it, its area. But in one word, “your consciousness,” it is assumed that there is something else outside of it. - ah, let’s remove consciousness, let’s remove it from here! What you see is the world! What you see is "I". Right now, You and I are in each other’s worlds, just like this chair, this table, and your feelings. We postulate that what we see is the world. There is no misfortune that does not foreshadow joy. Therefore, a person who has comprehended the truth does not separate joy from grief, but forgets about both. The truth is in the one who watches! You are the switch. You are the Light! when attention turns on itself, it can be aware of itself, that is, attention can observe attention itself. You can observe not me, but your very observation of me. Observation will lead you to awareness of the observer. Can you watch the watcher? No you can not! You cannot, it is not possible, but you can become aware of observation, aware of awareness itself, and you can be that light, the truth. The truth is in the one who observes. When you observe me, you observe yourself, when I observe the one who observes, I see you the one who observes, but our awareness is one, one, from it all the differences in the dual world come, and IT sees the Lama, and the Lama sees the European. What is is in us and it simply is, and we are just an illusion. It's not an intellectual understanding, just look. Now, go back, Deus Vult, as if nothing had happened...