Well, it’s the big day.

The musical Rust is in is finally being performed this week, and I couldn’t be angrier. There is one plus to all of this, though, and it’s that the musical crew gave me a free ticket for auditioning.

That has been quite literally the only positive in my entire life since I escaped.

Whatever, I attended the musical. It’s not like I can do much else anyway. One thing I didn’t expect though is… Rust is actually good. Like, he’s really good at acting. It almost made me feel worse than I already felt. Just think about it. For these past couple of days, I’ve been ticked off about my only friend doing something good with his life. Like, he’s actually having fun with Lola and the rest of the musical crew. I should feel happy for him, but something inside me feels wrong… and I can’t tell what it is.

The musical itself was actually quite fun to watch. I’ll write down as much as I can remember from it. I’m sure someone recorded the whole thing so this is pretty unnecessary, but this is my journal and I write what I want in it.

The musical (titled “3 Minutes til Sunshine”) opens with Emily, the character Lola plays, walking out on stage. She looks at her watch and sees that it’s 11:57 PM. She sings a beautiful song about how glad she is that she gets to live another day (Hey, maybe that’s something I could learn from).

Before long, she leaves to go to the park in her town. There, she meets a man named Gerald, the character Rust plays. I tell you, it was love at first sight. After a bit of a discussion, the two share a musical number together, confessing their love for each other or something corny like that.

I said it before and I’ll say it again: Rust is actually really good at acting. He’s even better at singing, actually. Now, I’m no simp, but I gotta admit that he sings beautifully.

I need to stop writing in pen so I can actually erase things. What I said there was dumb.

Anyway, back to the musical. More stuff happens, a million more musical numbers, Emily and Gerald kiss and get married or something… It’s a bit ridiculous, but I did enjoy it.

Then, I got back to thinking how I was thinking earlier. Why do I feel bad that Rust is doing something positive with his life? Why am I still mad at him for something out of his control?

Aha, I know. That jerk never brought me up with him like he said he would. Now, he’s treated like royalty like he’s some absolutely amazing person. He’s not. He’s just some guy with a knack for acting.

I’ll forgive him one day, but today is not that day.

…

Now was the moment I realized something major. This stupid pen is running out of ink. I swear, everyone and everything abandons me now. First, it was my parents when they died (which I can’t really blame them for). Second, it was Rust. And now, it’s my stupid journal, the only thing that’s remained by my side this entire time.

I’ll say this. I’ll write when I can, but it probably won’t be for a long time. I need to write much less if I’m running out of ink like this. So, I’ll write again in, like, a year. Sounds long, I know, but surely things will be better by then, right?